fecking animals are driving me nuts and i am going to kill them all

[TeggieCampbeggBlegg]

cat. In and out and in and out and in and out and in and out and food food food food food.

BigDog. Follow cat and breathe and pant and herd and pant and bark and herd and breathe and bark.

SmallDog. When not shagging the cat wilk not leave BigDog alone. Nose up arse and lick and lick and yap and yap snd lick snd sniff and luck and sniff.

All. The. Fucking. Time. Round. And. Round. And. Round. In. Circles.

I no longer love them. In fact I hate them all.

[SadGiantPanda]

I'm sorry, Lucyellensmum, but the thought of licking your Rottweiler's cock making your teeth itch almost cheered me up. Almost.

[ShadowsCollideWithPeople]

Blast. Your kitty looking like <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.ie/imgres?imgurl=7reasons.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/flatcapcatincatflap.gif&imgrefurl=7reasons.org/2011/03/16/7-reasons-to-wear-a-flat-cap-when-borrowing-a-cat-flap&h=550&w=360&sz=37&tbnid=zQW4EEjt3IngcM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=59&zoom=1&usg=__v2KkaH3LtpNz5tQv5xw5eEoqacs=&docid=K8vWLS6j5iw0aM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=LAZSUbfOIIHxhQeVhYCwBA&ved=0CCwQ9QEwAA&dur=256" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">this

[crazynanna]

Cat knocked off dd's dresser and smashed: A £30 ball lamp, a figure of Marilyn Monroe which before crashing to the floor knocked the full length mirror and smashed that, all in order to get....a Hair bobble.

Which she carried to the hallway,dropped, and lost complete interest in it altogether

[Lucyellensmum95]

panda

[PacificDogwood]

What a mad, mad fred

To think I have been seriously considering to get a dog at some point in the near future.

I know better now .
It's a public service you are all providing!

[SecretLindtBunny]

Pacific- for all the downsides of having pets, I'd never be without at leats one furry companion.

[expatinscotland]

This is why I am in love with my daughter's Syrian piebald hamster.

[MsIngaFewmarbles]

The puppy is constantly under my feet tripping me up. She also wont wait for me to let her out in the morning and pees and shits on the kitchen floor. EVERY SODDING MORNING

The big dog is barking and pacing constantly, she is missing DH who is away this week. She jumps up on me every morning to say hello, she is 32kg Weimaraner.

Fuckers

[DoTheBestThingsInLifeHaveFleas]

Oh this thread has made me laugh and cheered me up. I have an outdoor cat, as he will NOT be housetrained despite all efforts from us, vet, behavourist and even a 'cat whisperer' talking to him at great exspense. He has a hot water bottle and an igloo type bed in our boot room (so not actually outside) but then fills his bed with dead animal parts (mostly guts and the face) and then sleeps on the work bench?! As fast as I empty his bed, he refills it. I but new bed and the same. There is just no helping some people...
The dogs. Big one follows me about constantly and has to be actually touching me whenever I sit down. Little one hogs sofa or torments the poor big one all day. The horse is lame on 3 legs. He smashes about his stable on box rest. I turn him out in little restricted paddock (which is all he is allowed) and he stands looking forlorn and like no one loves him and shouts to come back in.... (he has company both in and out) ARGH
The tortoise has woken up (why???!!!!) and is trying to either mate or fight with its reflection in the bathroom mirror all day.
I love them all soooo, but ARGH.... and its soooooo cold :@(

[MsIngaFewmarbles]

Also, the puppy is chewing and shredding any paper she can get her paws on which is fine when it's junk mail not so fine when its my clinical placements records.

They both keep emptying the bin.

[coffeeinbed]

Hamsters are cheeky buggers.
Let it out of sight for a moment and it tunnels though your most cherished first editions assortedJackieCollinspaperbacks only to be discovered when it gets a but whiffy.
Don't ask how I know.

[Dragonboobs]

This thread has made me feel so much better about hating my cats for fucking well going in out in out in out and waking the baby! Bloody noisy bloody bastards.

[Fleecyslippers]

I RESCUED the bastard cat. RESCUED her and all she fecking does is whine and cry and want in, then want out, then want in..... Oh and she vomits furballs and I've walked in them barefoot.

And I hate the dog. another bloody rescue. SaintFleecy of the animal rescuers is me. Yap, howl, bark, whinge, eat cat poo, chase cat, get twatted on face by cat, steal biscuits....

But those 2 are a piece of cake compared to the bloody pony. and I didn't even RESCUE the pony - I paid damn good money for her evil, stumpy little legged barrel body which nips/eats/throws head and nips again.

Hate em all

[TheEasterQODdy]

We love our cat, we love him so much!

He bites us all the time. He attacks us, attacks our visitors, attacks us again and bites.

He has pots of treats in every room. He still bites.

[Paddlinglikefluffyducklings]

I am currently upstairs, having had a nice relaxing bath, to hear otherhalf shouting 'bloody hell paddling dog!', from this I deduce that said puppy has just pissed, or worse on the floor. I am now waiting for the shout of 'paddling, come and sort the bloody dog out'!

Prior to bath, I could hear the scraping and skidding of paws on the wood floor, as he was doing the Wall of Death around the living room! ( the puppy that is not the other half )

luckily sadly our old cat died just before Christmas, or we would have two pissing animals, although she would usually make it to the downstairs shower.

To the person that said they have nothing more than a goldfish.......our goldfish are more trouble than they are worth, testing water, cleaning gravel and making sure the pumps work....when I was a kid they went in tap water, a plain bowl and lived for years. Currently one of ours is wobbling around the tank like its had too much gin, with a condition called 'swim bladder'

As I finish this post, I can hear 'go and lie down paddling dog, settle!, on your bed'.... I think I will go to my bed and avoid the lot of them.

[Nagoo]

Please someone put this in Classics for the day I weaken my resolve not to get a dog.

[JulieMumsnet]

We've moved this into a different section for you

[SecretLindtBunny]

[Nagoo]

Why thank you Julie. Most efficient service

[duchesse]

No-one mentioned the feathered fuckers yet, chickens, or rather the cockerels they seem to hatch at alarming intervals. They have two lovely coops, diligently cleaned out and with electric lighting and corn at beak's reach. But oh no, that tree looks so much more comfy at -1C and in the driving rain that I think we'll perch there instead and crow our stupid heads off at 1:30 am, 3:30am, and 5 am onwards. All five of us.

[duchesse]

Ah, I see the thread has moved on somewhat since I last loaded it .

[RandallPinkFloyd]

No way, than you Julie

[ShadowsCollideWithPeople]

Yay. I too nominated this thread for Classics, btw. Only time I have ever done that

[ShadowsCollideWithPeople]

I suppose I could grudgingly share the credit with Nagoo. And Taggie, for starting it .

[SecretLindtBunny]

I nominated the thread s well.

At least Taggie knows who to blame!