17mo dts driving me mad - help!

[Ewemoo]

My dts (girls) are driving me insane! They are only happy if I'm not in the room with them. If I am in the same room they both bicker for my attention and don't let go of my legs. If I'm not in the room they (usually) play nicely together and there's not that much arguing. It has got to the stage where I'm leaving them for longer and longer periods of time (in a child-safe room) and I feel incredibly guilty about this but can't stand having them screaming and hanging off me all day while I sit with them. Anyone had this happen who can offer advice?

Have you started hiding under the tablecloth yet?

Do U get out to toddler play groups at all, might b a lifesaver?

I have tried toddler groups but tbh find them a nightmare as it's so tiring keeping an eye on both in a busy environment like that what with hot cups of tea left under seats. When they are walking it might be a bit easier.

Ah, some toddler groups are stricter than others about where/when tea is available.

When they are walking it might be a bit easier.

as a mother of twins that made me smile

Why do you feel guilty ? If they are happy together on their own, and squabble when they are competing for your attention, why not leave them to play together ? As long as you have another room where you can usefully get on with something and don't feel you are hiding it should be ok.

When you are will them try and do things that can include them both. Are they better outside ? Maybe with the good weather you can spend a bit of time outside and lessen the indoor time.

It takes a long time to adapt to thinking of them as a Team, and you are Team Leader, rather than two individual demanding babies. Obviously they are individuals TOO, but occasionally it helps to try the former tactic.
Do things that are fun with three people. Hide and seek, singing, action rhymes, taking in turn games, rough and tumble, dancing, musical bumps, story time (there are lots of books suitable for that age group) You will have to play with them, and "reward" them for playing nicely when you are in the room with your appreciative comments.

I think they do need your attention, and they need to learn that you will give them attention EVEN when the other one is there. Otherwise you will find you are perpetually playing catchup with one or other.

ewemoo, am having EXACTLY the same issues as you. Sorry for lack of advice, just a bit of 'in the same boat' ishness

JR - how old are your dts? How are you staying sane?
Thanks everyone else for suggestions. I just find that I go insane when they're both screaming and I just think if you're happier in the room by yourselves then why not but at the same time they need to learn to share me and staying out of the room won't teach them this

don't get too bogged down in reasoning. Just do whatever stops them from screaming. Mine are 18 months old. I'm battling through in the knowledge that it will get better at some stage

I went through this with my two (20 months) a couple of months back ,it didn't actually last that long as we started going out more. I think it's being in the house doing nothing, my older 2 are like this as well. Can you get out in the garden more? I don't tend to do much else at the moment as I have ds2 as well (3.6) and I can't manage 3 very well out and about. Do you have any help to do an outing once a week? I think you're right that when they're walking it will be much much easier for you as you can more things & go more places. In the meantime, I think swanriver is right, 'group' activities would probably work a lot better at this stage (has given me some ideas).

I did a gym-type group with my dts which I'm hoping to do again - local leisure centre and one member of staff to work with one of them whilst I had the other. Any of those types of activities might work and get you out of the house? They & I really enjoyed it.

my two are 17months now as well and i have a 5 and 4 year old, my DH has his own business so it working most of the time and when he is here he is working on our new house. so i am on my own alot, we have spent most of half term in the garden and a few of days at bewilderwood (lovely adventure playground in a wood). some places i can cope with them all on my own, some its just a nightmare BUT its sometimes easier to be out as they get bored at home, even little trips fairy hunting in the woods keep them all happy. i have to admit i ususally love the holidays having them all at home but now i am dreading it a bit as its soooo full on now. i dont get a minute to relax, someone always wants something. Alice and Oscar are everywhere now!!! and trying to keep them in the shade is a nightmare.
at toddler groups Alice loves it but Oscar cries alot and we end up leaving early.

Mel2005 - how do you cope? I have a 6 year old dd as well but the thought of an extra one again makes me feel sick. I find school holidays challenging tbh as you have to try and please everyone all of the time (well that's what it feels like anyway!) My 6yo whinges for Britain at the best of times but when it's holiday time she's worse. My dts are a nightmare atm. They fight (pull hair, slap, pinch,etc) and generally are never happy wherever they are and that is not an exaggeration. If you stop for just one minute while they're in their buggy they start screaming (they're barely walking by themselves) and have the patience of a flee. I keep telling myself "this too shall pass..."

It will pass, ewemoo, it will pass. Possibly it will get worse again judging by TAMBA threads but I'm trying not to think about that! DT1 (ds3) already having massive tantrums half the day.
But My two really got their legs a couple of months ago and they're so much happier now they can sprint up and down the garden. They walked at 12mo and 14mo respectively, now 20 mo. I can't believe what a difference it's made now that they can walk confidently. However, I still daren't take them for a walk up the street, I tried it with reins on the weekend and it was nightmare. I was cursing them after 3 mins. They just collapse on the (wet, dirty) ground one after the other. And I hate the screaming, it does my head in esp if the older 2 are bickering at the same time. I try and hide but there's no-where in the house with a lock.

Have you managed to get out a bit more, obviously half term didn't go so well then I'm dreading the school hols. Still hoping I can manage to palm older 2 off on PIL occasionally so I can go to work for a day here and there. Which saves my sanity at present.

I have 6yo and 3yo like mel, my 6yo being PITA at present and harder work than the dts some days. Arggghhh. Is 6 some sort of bad year as 5 wasn't particularly great either, can I look forward to 7?

I have 15 month old twin boys and have one who will not go down to sleep at night. He used to be fine but had to spend a week in hospital at the end of March and things have been awful since then. He is really clingy, screams when he goes in his cot and if he falls asleep on me he screams when he senses being put into his cot. I have tried everything I can think of so if anyone has any suggestions I am willing to try anything to keep my sanity! He will cry for up to 2 hours before passing out with exhaustion but once asleep goes through the night. The other twin is no bother at all!!!

Andi77 - However hard it might seem I would put him in his cot to sleep. You have to be consistent imo as any 'slips' and they push the boundaries. Mine did the whole screaming thing and I would put them in their cots, and go up after 5 mins, give dummies, settle them down again and then leave the room. I would then go up after 10 mins and do the same thing. Then 15 mins, 20, mins, etc. I found they just tired themselves out by crying and eventually settled themselves off.