I'm not getting the dressing twins the same

[Ewemoo]

Yesterday at the local swimming pool I saw a identical twins (boys) who were at least 9 years old who were dressed EXACTLY the same and I mean even down to the same socks and shoes. This to me does not seem 'normal' as having a 6 year old myself who always insists on picking her own clothes I can only presume it is the parent(s) who are enforcing this. Now before you shoot me down in flames I also have identical twin girls (16mths) who I never have and never will dress the same. They are individuals at the end of the day who just happen to have been born at the same time and share the same dna. It just seems stifling to me and no room for the child to develop their own personality. When I was discussing this with my mil she said maybe they'd always been dressed the same and so the boys chose to do it now out of a comfort thing? What narked me was a lady came up to the twins at the pool and said to her son why do these boys look the same? like they were a freak show. I just needed to get that off my chest. Am fed up of comments about twins and how supposedly I should be bringing them up.

I will have no choice but to dress mine differently as they will be b/g. I did used to hate the fact that my mum would dress me and my sis the same. I am 4 years older

My friend and her (not twin but v close in age) sister always wanted to dress the same. Their mum thought it was twee and would rather not, but they begged. They even wanted mum to dress to match.

If your DD insists on picking her own clothes at 6 then why do you think the parents are enforcing the dress-the-same on these 9 yr olds?

If my twins decide they want to dress the same when they are older I shall be surprised as they are boy/girl but who knows anything is possible

I am so glad to read this post! I am 18 weeks pregnant with twins. We don't know yet whether they are identical or not or even if they are the same sex, but I have absolutely no intention of dressing them in matching outfits if they are the same sex. I totally agree that they need the space to develop their own identities and yes of course they'll have a special bond, but I do NOT want them to simply be known as "the twins" and I think that dressing them the same will encourage that. Funny how many other people disagree though - I've even had friends tell me that if they're the same sex they'll be buying them matching outfits regardless of what I think "because that's what you do with twins and it's so cute!" My reply has been that I'll happily have 2 of the same outfit but they won't be wearing them on the same day!

KRH - I had friends who did exactly the same and I gave the same response as you - they'll be wearing them on different days! One lady in the school playground said to me you don't dress them the same do you as if it was the weirdest thing she'd seen. Also, at nursery when they did planting of sunflowers in pots to take home, my two had one pot to share. How is that fair???? I resent them being called the twins but it's usually other people's laziness at not trying to learn which one's which.

I agree with londonlottie. I think this whole individuality business is overrated - how do you know what individual is a newborn and what matches their individual taste??

Plus, I loved to have the same outfit as my older brother as a kid. As for my 4 year olds: they occasionally choose to wear the same outfit (usually a gift from people who think they must wear the same) but mostly they just pick their own favorites. I think it is cute sometimes and I love to put them all into the same bright clothes or at least same colour red/pink etc. when we are in busy places, travelling etc. as it helps to keep an eye on them.

at londonlottie - my twins a b/g so dont have this issue but I had a friend with id boys and she not only dressed them differently but they didn't share any clothes.

One had his clothes, the other had his clothes, and they always stuck to their own clothes. How exhausting for my friend!

I was the same as you LL, when they were babies I thought they haven't a clue and I haven't the energy to bother with any of that anyway! They just wore babygros till they were 9mo

We've got triplets and save for a Christmas photo we've never dressed them the same. Tow are identical, one different. Once they're older they may wish to wear the same things, and if that's the case fine by me, but for now I'm keen to foster some sense of individuality.

well I dress my identical girls, differently but coordinated. We were given a few identical outfits when they were born but very quickly people learnt there was no way I could use them at the same time as poor DH, or anyone but me really, wouldn't have known which baby was which

I like them to look coordinated. I don't care what anyone else thinks - they are a PAIR as well as individuals, but certainly now as babies they are a twosome - loved as individuals no doubt about it, but certainly a pair. And so many outfits come in sets of two coordinating I think people without same sex twins are missing out on not being able to use both together . When they are older I will go with what they want - I'm under no illusions from having an older child that they are perfectly capable of letting their views known!

Now that my boys have reached the grand old age of 2.3 - I have reached the conclusion that ....

My non-ID DTs have always known they were separate individuals. They know what they want and what they don't want. Sometime they choose different t-shirts but sometimes they both want to wear the Elmo t-shirt. Dressing them the same or differently is irrelevant to their self-knowledge.

It is all about how OTHERS see them. If they are dressed the same (or co-ordinating), it is OTHER people who struggle to see them as individuals.

Anyhow - thats my two-pennies worth.

And tbh, I am getting sick of twin-less people making judgments on whether or not I am bringing up my boys to be individuals based upon whether they had a tantrum that morning about what t-shirt they wanted to wear.

My twin boys (who are never referred to as 'the twins' btw but as 'the boys') are non identical and I do dress them mostly the same even though they are now 8!!

The reasons for this are that invariably when buying clothes for them (I am v. picky), I find only one item they/I like in their size or that may be in a sale etc. They have absolutely no problem with it and will in fact fight over clothes if they have something different and I don't need the stress, after all they are at the same stage of development so have similar taste. They are very aware they are individuals and look so different people rarely realise they are twins but they do STILL creep into each others beds and sleep curled up together as they did in the womb .

Isn't the main issue when same-sex twins are always dressed exactly the same with the same hairstyles, etc, rather than just similarly? My mum was haunted by a pair of twins she knew as a child who only cared about each other, and had no friends or interests of their own. She feared that this could be the result of treating twins as two halves of one whole, rather than as two separate individuals. There must have been more to it than that for it to have become such an extreme case (I have seen similar cases on a documentary, so it isn't isolated) but history doesn't relate.

Appreciate it's difficult enough sometimes dressing your children without people being judgemental about it, but it is one thing that bothers me although I would never comment on it to the parent.

I have a womb-mate myself and the thing we hated most as children was being given exactly the same presents!

that's very funny londonlottie! I totally agree with your mind set. I have ID twin girls (2 next week) and I like to dress them in coordinating outfits ideally but somedays they get dressed the same, somedays they don't get dressed at all (I also have 3.5 yr old and 5 yr old girls!) Interestingly my older girls now want to wear the same clothes and they want to "be twins" I realise that very shortly I will have no say in what the twins wear so I may as well make the most of it now. On plus side one of my twins has a small birthmark on her face so it is not hard to distinguish them.

I am 15 weeks pregnant with Identical twins and am also an identical twin myself! I must say I absolutely hated being known as 'the twins' and for some reason everyone felt the need to buy us exactly the same presents for birthdays and christmas'. I think from talking to some people their reasoning was that it would stop us fighting over the same toy but my sister and I are and have always been so different it just meant that it felt like people put no thought into it and and may as well have not bothered. Try explaining to a small child why she has been given toy that her sister wanted year after year!

I have no intention of dressing my two the same, no problem with sharing clothes but not dressing the same!

Am still hoping that at the next scan they will tell me they are not identical!

My mum never dressed my brothers exactly the same, mostly she would put them in similar outfits but different colours (20-30 years ago now).

They would always end up swapping anyway, whatever they started off wearing. She had tshirts printed for them once that said I'm XX thats YY and I'm YY thats XX. They just swapped them over and confused the hell out of everyone not related to them. Mum gave up not long after that and just let them wear whatever they wanted.

I was going to get t-shirts printed that say
Yes I am a twin but I have a name!