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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

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Original poster

"godparents" for twins - one set each or should they share?

16 replies

MamaChris · 04/04/2010 11:23

dp and I are not religious, but want to choose "fairy godparents" for our twins, so they have someone outside of us they can turn to for advice. Because we are a female couple, we're keen that at least one of the godparents should be male. Ideally, I think we'd pick one set of godparents each, but our choices are a bit limited because neither of us have any other family, and we moved only last year and haven't made many close friends yet in the area. Also, our choices for ds have turned out to be a bit rubbish (neither is particularly involved), but luckily ds's dad picked well.

The twins have a donor instead of a dad, so it really matters to get it right this time, and we are wary of picking two sets of godparents, one of whom is very involved and the other not. On the other hand, if we're scared of being parents to twins, wouldn't it be off putting to be asked to be godparents to both?

What did you do?

OP posts:

EvilTwins · 04/04/2010 11:39

My twins have one set between them. To be honest, we ran out of responsible friends

We also didn't want any godparents to get competitive or feel that they had to out-do each other with birthdays etc. So far, it's working out fine. The DTs are 3.10 now.

GibberingGinger · 05/04/2010 20:38

I'm godmother to twins. The godfather is not my husband, but another friend of the twins family. It seems to be working fine.

princessmel · 05/04/2010 20:41

Please don't share. The are individuals and shoild have their own GP

If you are short of people to choose from, choose 1 person per twin.

Weegle · 05/04/2010 21:30

I'm sure there are pros and cons to both but we have decided to give ours separate 'sets'. This was probably largely because we have an older DS and he has his 4, and unless we chose the same again it seemed wrong to give the girls the same as each other. We wanted to treat them as individuals so they each have another 4 each (so 12 godparents in total to all our children!). Each child has one family member and then 3 friends, and we've tried very hard to choose them as equally as possible although I'm sure over time some will prove to be 'better' than others... but that's life! We also wanted each child to have at least one person outside the immediate family who was specifically MORE interested in them, would take a special interest in them etc... and not sure that would have worked if any of them shared godparents.

charlieandlola · 05/04/2010 21:33

"twins" are single babies who happened to be born together so they deserve to be treated as individuals nit as a collective.
Separate godparents for each child .

cjn27b · 05/04/2010 21:54

I am a twin and we hated sharing anything. My feeling is we were two individuals who share a birthday, that is all.

We each had our own set of godparents. This can be tricky, but still I think it's better. My twin's godfather was far more involved and generous, giving her a charm bracelet at birth and gold charms every year. My godfather on the other hand never sent anything (long story, but he lived in the USSR and I grew up in cold war years, so not a wonder he wasn't really involved). However I had a silver charm bracelet and each year a silver charm would arrive on my birthday. When I was in my early teens I did query why the box my charm came in had the name of a jewellry shop in my home town. My parents carefully explained it was hard to send stuff from the USSR so they brought it on his behalf.

Some years later the iron curtain came down - and I went to see him. Turned out he was the coolest godfather in the world.

My point in telling this story is as twins nothing is ever going to be perfectly equal or the same no matter how hard you're parents try to make it so. Just do your best to treat them like you would non-twin siblings and you should be fine.

Best of luck with choosing the god parents.

Original poster

MamaChris · 06/04/2010 08:03

Many thanks for all the replies. It's good to hear a full range of views.

We are very concerned that these babies will be separate individuals. We are also very concerned they will have a close relationship with an adult outside us, especially as ds has a dad (who he visits once a fortnight), and an extended family on his dad's side, and they won't. Neither of us remember ever seeing our godparents as children, so it's important to choose carefully.

Separate sets is our ideal; the thought of sharing was prompted by the lack of suitable friends, really, who are local enough to be able to build a relationship and be that involved. Perhaps we're searching for a "father figure" more than "godparent". Need to think through our motivations more carefully (we have a few months to play with!) and go one by one through our local friends. It's good to know sharing can work, if needed.

Thanks again.

OP posts:

MumInBeds · 06/04/2010 08:15

If you get on well with DS's father then could you ask him to be godfather for both twins but then choose another person (or persons) for each twin separately?

If your worry is unfair levels of contact then maybe if you have any friends that are in a stable relationship then maybe ask them to each be a godparent to one twin each? (That's not foolproof though, they could still split up which could cause friction).

londonlottie · 06/04/2010 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hattyyellow · 06/04/2010 21:28

Oh god, absolutely their own godparents. I think it's very unfair to make them share. As another poster said, why not give them one godparent each if you can't think of four people whom you would choose? They will have to share so much in life, it would be so much nicer for them to have their own individual adults who are there just for them and not another adult to be shared between them.

maryz · 06/04/2010 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duckyfuzz · 06/04/2010 21:45

ours have 3 each, a school friend of mine, a school friend of DH's and a young female family member from either side of family

needless to say my school friends are the only ones that can be considered reliable

1stMrsF · 06/04/2010 21:51

I think it also depends on the people: We are just about to christen our twin girls and we have chosen:

DT1: Godmother - single female friend of DH, Godfather - married male friend (Simon) plus Godmother - married friend of mine who is godmother to both

DT2: Godmother - married femle friend married to Simon, godfather - married male friend plus godmother as above.

We started to think about the people we'd like and then decided that for the married couple it would be good if they had one each plus that the girls had other godparents who were different. One of the reasons that they have one godmother in common is that I am godmother to all of her children, including a set of twins (but their other godmothers are different)

Phew - that is complicated! Hope it helps you!

Original poster

MamaChris · 08/04/2010 19:56

Thanks again for all your suggestions and examples. It's really good to know there is such variety out there! I like the idea of one couple, but each "assigned" a different child. Ideally, we will ask ds's dad too, but not sure how he'll respond. We've only recently told him we're expecting twins, so will need to let that sink in first, for sure!

LL how you? So far, my pregnancy is thankfully uneventful, except that my SPD from first time round has returned already. Hope everything is well with you, and that you find a set of godparents you are both happy with.

OP posts:

MarsLady · 09/04/2010 19:19

My pair have separate godparents. It works really well (esp as the godparents are good friends). They are very good at remembering their birthday, Christmas, special events, Easter etc etc. They send them postcards when they are away and they take them out. I love them!

BendyBob · 09/04/2010 19:38

Mine have one set between them.

We did ask BIL and his wife too to be the second set and they accepted, then pulled out last minute because of a stupid family argument that I never fully understood.

It's annoyed me mightily ever since because they left us no time to ask anyone else without it looking rudely like they'd be stand ins. So we stuck with our friends as GP's to both dt's.

They've been very good GP's too and v generously add to a savings account for them yearly. But I do think being GP's to twins can get expensive if the GP's want to do something like that, so we appreciate it a lot.

It's the only thing I've ever had dt's share like that though. I'm quite careful to make sure they are treated individually when and where possible.

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