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Considering having another baby following DTS (2.5yo). Do I dare??? New partner too

4 replies

lulururu · 01/04/2010 10:27

My DTS are now 2.5yo b/g and I went solo through the pregnancy, birth and first year and a half with the DTS. Now reunited with a beautiful man from my past who adores me and the twins almost more than I do. He would like to have more children and would like them to be as close in age as possible to the DTS so as not to make them feel like two separate families and also just nice to have them close together in age.

I am not hugely maternal but maybe that is because I went through some very hard times with the DTS on my own and adjusting as a mother is never easy and I feel (perhaps wrongly) that doing it alone is pretty hard.

However, my partner is amazing and I truly think that it would be very sad if he never had a child that was biologically his. I don't "mind" having another baby but its not as if I am jumping up and down to have another one. I also don't want to "just" get the DTS off to school and then be starting all over again with a new baby. Plus I am TERRIFIED of having another set of twins but then I do only know twins and maybe twins would be easier second time around!

My very long winded question is basically, do I dare to have another child and is my fear valid? Is it actually easier to have another child that the twins will also play with and that that child will have fun buddies? How many people have had or have known twin mums that have gone on to have more twins? Would it be so much more fun and rewarding and happy to do it with a partner seeing as I have never been through that initial what I found to be an awful first year and the terror of having another pregnancy with hyperemesis. (I had a previous pregnancy which I lost the baby and had hyperemesis then too so am imagining that hyperemesis third time around is probably likely). My partner is very understanding and says that if I don't want to have more children then he is OK with that as he doesn't want to put pressure on me.

Any advice gratefully received!!!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
EightiesChick · 01/04/2010 10:36

Questions to consider:

Are your twins easy to look after, do they sleep well? Could you cope with another bad sleeper if not?

Would you become a SATM with a 3rd child (if you aren't already)? What difference would it make in that respect?

How well off are you and your DP? Is his job secure?

Hopefully it goes without saying that you are very confident about a long-term future for you and your DP. Is their biological dad in the picture at all?

lulururu · 01/04/2010 22:45

hi eightiechick

good questions. yes they do sleep well which is a huge relief but yes the thought of being up all night with a third one and then not being able to nap during the day is terrifying. but then you get that with any subsequent children. the twins are pretty good really, they get on mostly and are becoming increasingly independent. guess i can't imagine how much more independent they might be in a years time as we were thinking we would think about getting pregnant with a third one about the end of the year so the twins would roughly be 3.5-4 by the time a third one came around.

i would be a SAHM during the day and it would be incredibly tight moneywise but yes we both have jobs we can do part-time and do a bit of shift parenting

yes luckily confident about DP and i being longterm. the DTS biological dad was a holiday romance (with two forms of contraception) so he is involved but lives in another city and its regular but quite far apart contact in terms of visits. heaps of my DP family backup which is nice though so not entirely on our own.

thanks for your thoughts

OP posts:
lulururu · 02/04/2010 15:33

but whats it actually like having a singleton after twins? can anyone share their experiences? bumping to get an idea of what its like...

OP posts:
oooggs · 02/04/2010 20:39

my twins were 21 mths when ds3 arrived - he is a joy (was planned) didn't even consider that it may be twins again - never thought of it.

We wer just after an even number as already had ds1 when dts arrived

they are now 6.3yrs, 3.0yrs x2 & 14 mths

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