Help - they're fighting!

[nimbs]

Just following on from the toddler thread below! My twin dd's are fighting - they're only 16 months so I'm at a loss as to how to deal with it. Basically DD3 likes to assert herself with her sister - generally by taking toys/ pulling her hair (all the bloody time) etc - it is lovely here!

We've got two older children so I "should" really know how to deal with this but I don't -as it is so different with twins. It's getting to the stage where DD2 is whinging almost constantly in case DD3 lunges in. She is not the most willing child at taking turns/sharing yet - as they are both so very little.

At the moment I am either distracting them both - with new toy or trying to separate them with different toys/books/etc. I don't want to end up with an extremely clingy toddler stuck to my hip yet I don't want poor DD2 being (for want of a better word) bullied by her sister. After reading the other thread it seems that it's going to fun until they're 4!!

Any help much appreciated - I might not be able to reply straight away as have to do the kids tea.

Hi nimbs, this happened a bit with my two (they're nearly 18 months), it's ds3 attacking dd although she defends herself quite well! It was very regular for a short while but I noticed that it was more about boredom & attention than anything else, ds needs a lot of stimulation. I've been trying to take them out more which has helped. We're in the garden half the time now and they just go at opposite ends most of the time. Does it happen so much when you're out?

Hi nimbs, I just wanted to add that my 2 have fought a lot, sometimes giving each other nasty bites. Although, unlike your's, the fighting is pretty even and one twin doesn't dominate the other. You're right, I don't think having older singleton children can prepare you for dealing with twins. Usually an older child understands that it is not acceptable to hit or bite their sibling, whereas twins have to learn this together (incurring bites & bruises along the way!!).

I agree with AQ, it mainly happens when they're bored or they both really want the same thing. I know you're probably very busy looking after 4 kids & it's not always possible to find time to stimulate them. Sometimes I've put them both in their high chairs & given them crayons or some food to chew on when I'm working in the kitchen. I also get them involved helping me hang out the washing & stuff which seems to put them in a good mood for some bizarre reason. Other than that doing as AQ suggests & getting them out might help. TBH it's really hard getting them to be nice to each other at that age but they do start to grow out of it. My DTs are 22 months now & they play together a lot better now (although they still try and bite each other now if they're over tired & fighting over something really desirable like a plastic shoe horn ).

Thanks Glad they'll grow out of it - think you may be right about dd3 being bored - dd2 potters around doing her own thing but dd3 likes to climb/jump/fight!! Am glad the weather is getting better so we can go out more.

Thanks again for the advice

It's amazing how things change in a few months, I'm enjoying my 2 a lot more than I did 2 months ago mainly because they're more independent I think. It is a bit hard when 1 of them needs to be going out and 'doing things' and the other doesn't (and my 3yo quite happy pottering about too). But it does my help my sanity too. Thought I was going to go barking last month as I broke my shoulder, couldn't drive & couldn't push the buggy!