Twin boys - behaviour- please help!

[teddymummy]

I have one DD7 and IdDTs 4. The boys are totally driving me mad at the moment. Always running off, pushing, shoving, shouting, being rough etc. They have very clear boundaries and I am a SAHM, and we do lots of nice things together. we live in a lovely village and they have mornings at village nursery school. Just lately they seem so hard to control, I am always on edge when I am out with them in case they run off or break something. One of them just screamed MUMMY so loud in the supermarket the other day that people turned to stare- he just needed help putting his gloves on! They can be so loving and gentle that you cannot help but smile sometimes. They are very bright and incredibly inquisitive - at nursery they always comment on how my DTs ask questions and want to see/know everything thats going on. I think I know in my heart that they are normal 4 year old energetic boys- but being two seems worse because they get each other going. How am i going to get through this patch- I'm worn out with it tbh. We haven't lived here long and I don't have any close friends here. Been living abroad so been hard to maintain my own friendships and I am feeling a bit isolated and need some help from you experienced twin mums out there! Thanks.

Sounds like you've got lovely boys and are doing a great job TBH - part of managing this period is just keeping on going through the tough patches and not worrying too much what other people think. Shouting in the supermarket isn't that big a deal IMHO - just make it clear what you want him to do next time and move on. Maybe you're feeling a bit sensitive about how other people see you as you are in a new place with few friends? Very understandable if so, but it might be partly about how you are feeling and not just about your boys.

Having said that, I too have ID boys aged nearly 5, and this has been a tough year. They have so much energy - testosterone is peaking and apparently this has an impact on their hearing too! Was very surprised to hear that, but it fits - they hardly ever hear me the first few times I ask them to do something and it winds me up no end. Must read up more about that..

I do use a fair few incentives (i.e. threats!) to encourage good behaviour/if they don't listen, such as no TV in the evening, and am generally quite strict in the way I handle behaviour I don't like. I've always felt like I have to do whatever I can to maintain control or they will walk all over me, and following through with consequences when they don't listen/behave is a big part of that. I've found books like Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph and Beyond Toddlerdom by Christopher Green quite useful in terms of giving me pointers on how to handle them.

But obviously things will always be a bit different as you've got two boys the same age, who encourage and wind each other up. We've recently started doing separate play dates to help them develop their own personalities and get way from each other sometimes - I think being with your twin all the time can be quite oppressive and intense.

And try to get some time to yourself and develop your interests - join a book club, go swimming, chat to the mums at preschool and invite a child over for a play - you might get an invite back before you know it. Good luck.

I have idDTS aged nearly 6. The have on occasions had me sobbing on the way home from Asda after being really terrible. Funnily enough, they are great at the moment. I think hormone surges do play a part. Yours sound a lot like mine, firstly, and most importantly, if supermarkets are a minefield with them, dont take them. Get a delivery instead. Lots of pysical stuff is great, tire them out. If going to a Museum brings you to the edge. Dont take them, go to a softplay intead. Make life easy, Museums can wait until they have matured a little and are easier to handle. Hang in there, this to will pass!

On the other hand i have recently found that handheld computer games (i pod touch) keep them quiet for hours.

Thanks for that. I think its def the testosterone kicking in ! I've got the Steve Biddulph book too and funnily my DH was on a course today about how boys learn. (He is a teacher) Gave me a good perspective on things. I don't usually take them shopping- too stressful and they are too big for the twin trolley these days. But we went today for a couple of things and they were brilliant- putting the things in the basket and helping put them on the checkout. Think you are right about what other people think= we are new here and stand out in a small community! I have joined a book group and am doing supply at the nursery so am getting out- its just not the same as the friends I had before who know me so well. I missed ameeting at DD school about yr2 SATS because I was too preoccupied with the boys so felt guilty today- but you can't be perfect can you!