I need a manual!

[Panicatthedisco]

Can anyone recommend a book about getting twins into a routine please?

I have 11 week old twin boys and a 17 month old son (I know, we have been busy. As everyone keeps telling me, and yes, we do have our hands full.... I'm sure you all hear these all the time as well).

The thing is that my husband is going away for 6 months at the end of the month, and I really want to be able to get some semblance of normality on the go while he's away, and not end up losing my marbles.

Has anyone read any good books for raising twins?

Thanks. Panic.

Hiya Panic, I haven't yet found any books to be much use. For us it was more a case of muddling through until I worked out a routine that suited us. It does get easier , honestly, and almost in a blink of an eye you'll be waving them off to nursery/school and wondering where did the time go .

I spent 18mths with dh working away through the week when I relocated and he was back only for weekends. I found life ran much smoother without him around. Chaos reigns while he is here.

I have dcs aged 6, 5, 3(dts) and 21mths so I sympathise with the comments.

The mums on the regular multiple mums thread, starts 'D'y ever' will see you through the bad days while your dh is away. They are a wonderful welcoming bunch and a mine of info.

I fitted my dtwins routine around my 2yr olds as much as I could. Can't think of a book about routines, but I was very routine-every dayy was the same-always at home for afternoon nap, always bathed at same time and so on-it made me feel less insane.

So I'd feed them when they woke up (fed frequently as breastfed at first) then sort everyone out/get up, feed again and then off to playgroup- they slept when we were out at first, but as they got older they'd have their first nap on the way to playgroup, 2nd nap when ds1 had his at lunch time and then a quick one when we went for our 4pm walk around the block.

I would always put ds1's food out and then start feeding them and I bathed them all together (used those bath supports). I then fed them when ds1 had a bottle of milk and went to bed.

There was a lot of crying though and it was a case of head down/grim determination/we will survive.

My twins started school today and the time has flown--muchh of it good times too!

Thanks both for the encouragement!

It does sound like really hard work, and I'm dreading it really, but like you say, head down and grim determination...

How on earth do you manage to get everyone in and out of the bath, dressed with nappies on without them getting cold / bored etc?

I, as we all do I'm sure, hate any of the babies crying, but I suppose this is going to become just a part of life, and a bit of crying is not going to kill them. Is it just a case of getting your head around it??!

Hello,Panic!

I have 10 week old twin girls and am just trying to get them into a routine of some sorts as I am really shattered! I tried to let them tell me their routine but exhaustion plus drinking too much wine in the evening means I forget what they do each day and am running around in the day far too much to write it down.

I have just bought Baby Secrets which has a general section on twins and which sets out various routines based on 3-4 hourly feeds for singletons but which can be used on twins. It's by a mat nurse who dealt with twins. It assumes you tandem feed (which I have just started to do with bottle feeding). I started following it this week and it's really just change nappy, feed, active for a bit then sleep at least 2 hours before the next feed is due. I try to get in at least 5 feeds before bed but actually mine don,t got to bed at 7 like the books recommend, instead they have colic until about 11 when I attempt a "dream feed" and they then stay asleep until anything between 3 and 6. Baby Whisperer also has a suggested routine for twins but the book is long and the twin routine looked complicated to me but then my brain is mash potato.

Gina Ford and Alice Beer have a book on twins but I have not followed that as it looks also very complicated.

I spend most of the day trying to stop crying in stereo and often fail! I am trying to get used to it and try and laugh when it gets beyond the pale and they are both really screaming. I use dummies too but they seem to hate them despite my perseverance. I am sure I am about to be reported by the neighbours given the noise. HTH x

My only success today was doing a tandem feed at 7.30 then nappy change one while the other stayed in a chair then I took both downstairs into swing chairs in front of washing machine which the watched while I sterilised the bottles from the night before. They then got sleep and I put them to sleep although they only did 40 mins.

Panic, panic not. It will all get better. I am the original anti routine mum, but a couple of things that might help:

I found that the routine the babies were naturally in changed pretty much weekly at that age. So you might find that the are in a routine, but a fluid one?

I found it very helpful to focus on sleep cycles rather than feed cycles. So I used 'Sleep Sense' book to help me get the babies into a daytime nap routine at about 12 weeks. The key things that helped were: to nap them once they'd been awake for as long as they could manage (about 75 mins at 3 months) rather than at a certain time. I.e. if they woke at the same time every day the naps would be at the same time as yesterday too, but if they woke early or late, so would be the naps. I then fitted the feeds around the naps. I found that napping well made happier babies and happier mummy. Also to act on their sleep signals not the clock and getting them hooked on a 'sleep soother' e.g. a 'blanky' or a soft toy.

Please try to remember that you have 3 under 2 and therefore the twim mum mantra is especially valid 'Whatever gets you through'. If you manage to get everything done to the time you want it one day that's great. If the next day you achieve nothing but feeding and clothing (not necessarily even washing!) everyone that's just fine. Give yourself a break is the most important bit of the routine as you can't be a good mummy without it.

Hi Panic- no real advice on twins but I had 3 under 3 so I know a little about routine.

Is your 17mo in a good routine and if so what is it?

If you can try to jot down what time your twins eat, sleep and are awake for a few days/week and see if you can see a pattern emerging. If you can see a vague pattern then work to it.

I would recommend Gina Ford and The Baby Whisperer but both just for some general tips and guidelines- not to try to stick to rigidly. Both have sections on twins and while I think it is ridiculous to try to be too regimented with babies it certainly helps to have some idea of what to aim for and how!

As 1stMrsF says GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK! This is my mantra too- I have learned to not be hard on myself, if I need to use readymeals from time to time or if I let them watch too much cbeebies or if we can't get out etc. With 3 tiny children life is difficult!!

Oh yes all of mine have sleep blankies- a sheep, a cow and a bear. Youngest 20mths still has her dummy too.

Napping is paramount to happiness.

Pre 12 weeks- napping every 1-2 hours.
12wks-6mths napping every 1.5 to 2.5 hours- prob 3 naps a day and bedtime by 7pm.

From 6mths- 2 naps- morning and afternoon of 1-3 hours each.

My 20mth old has just dropped her morning nap so has just gone to one long afternoon nap.

My eldest didn't drop his afternoon nap till he was 4! So at one point I was able to get all 3 down for an afternoon nap at the same time- ah it was bliss!!

Thank you so much for the replies - it's so nice to know that people have been there / done that and got / are getting through...

Lissy - my brain is like porridge. If I did have one in the first place, it definitely came out with the babies. I know what you mean about complicated suggested routines - I literally don't seem to have the concentration span to be able to read through the whole routine, let alone implement it!!

1stMrsF - the sleep sense sounds good. I'm really not organised enought to have routines for everything 24/7, but sleep is something I do relish with a passion and remember the good old days of uninterrupted nights with desperation to get back there, so I think the key for me feeling like I'm in control would be to get a grip on the sleeping routines...

thatsnotmymonster - my 17mo is in a reasonable routine - he wakes up at about 7am, then has about a 90min nap at 1pm, then bed by about 7.30pm.

He's starting nursery next week, and is going to go 4 days a week, 9-4. On the one hand I feel like it's lazy parenting shipping him off most days, but he just gets so bored around the house, and seems desperate for interaction with other children. He's so happy when we have visitors with small children I really think it'll be good for him to be in a social and structured environment (am I trying too hard to justify it?!).

The babies still seem to be sleeping a heck of a lot, but they both had a urinary infection very soon after birth which wasn't picked up on until they were 6 weeks old, and looking back now, they were really quite ill in the early days. It's unusual enough for a boy to have a urinary infection, so for both of them to have one was a mystery to the doctors, but just one of those things...

They were great weights at birth (7lb14 and 7lb2), and are growing at a hell of a rate, so I would expect them to be awake for longer, but they seem alert and responsive, so I'm not going to worry too much about that for the moment.

I am now trying to give myself a break after giving myself a mental hiding for giving up breastfeeding at 10 weeks. I felt so guilty, especially as I had enough milk, but not enough time in the day to do it, as I was running around after the 17mo trying to give him some of my attention. Oh God, it's all just one big juggling act at the moment.

I actually think when DH goes away, it'll be sink or swim, and with blind optimism, I think we'll swim. I just keep telling myself that by the time he's back, we'll have a routine sussed, the babies will be sitting up and properly on solids, and it'll all be great. I'm even thinking that the skin on my stomach won't look like elephant hide any more, or is that really too much to ask??!!

lol!

Great if you can afford nursery for ds then it's a goo option. As you say gives hime the stimulation that he needs and lets you concentrate on the babies and settle into some sort of routine.

I would maybe think about cutting down his hours a bit once you think you are coping and the twins are a bit more independent.

As for the tummy- well as I said dd2 is nearly 2 and mine isn't much better but just give me 6 more months...