Help: Advice please on giving toddler attention/ boundaries whilst looking after 10 week old twins.

[twinsplus3]

When im breast feeding DS 2.5yrs trying to use me as a climbing frame.
I get the babys to sleep at the same time so i can spend time playing with him and he wakes them up.
All the boundries sliped a bit when I was pregnant due to HORRIABLE pregnancy.
When I came out of hospital he had swin flu then I was in with babies with broncialitis had hectic cristmas and am now feeling at wits end.
Have smacked Ds twice which had the effect of stopping horrid behaviour but isnt how i want to do things. Used to use timeouts where distraction etc didnt work but inforcing time out has become time consuming when want to spend limited time in a positive way.
Babies have a bottle of formula @ night, since 7 weeks, given by DP so I can get some sleep and am considering giving more so I can have more time with DS but not really what i want to do as already feel bad @ not full Bfeeding.
Feel like im letting everyone down, keep crying advice please.

Anyone out there been hear too?

Hi, I have been there. Twins born when DD 2.9. I tried so hard to please DD because felt guilty about the DTs that I think I was too nice. She needed a few boundaries and it was hard but she had a few smacks and time outs in bedroom. She was also made to keep her nap going until 3 years old so that I could get them all down and have a sleep myself. Any chance you can do that? What is hard is the relentlessness of it for you and I do sympathise. Don't feel guilty about BF/formula. I mixed fed as well and its so different with twins plus more DC- you have to do what you feel is right to survive- with your own sanity intact. Could any relatives give your older child some time? What about a few nursery sessions. My parents lived very near and sometimes took DD to pre school for me and the occasional Tea or sleepover- all a great help. What about the local twins club- mine were very nice- not the best friends I ever made but at least they understood and they ran a play session in a local church hall where DD could run round for an hour and give me time with the boys.
I really hope it all works out for you- but you do need some support- ask- people will help if they can! And well done you ahve a lovely little family- enjoy them!

hi twinsplus3, have been here too, ds2 was 21 months when my dt's were born. He's just turned 3 and they're 15 months now.

I had some help for the first year with a p/t nanny so forgive me as I'm not quite in the same situation but did have similar experiences. Remember well smacking ds2 on the hand because he would not behave and kept hurting the dts which infuriated me. I have a homestart volunteer, try looking it up to see if they could help you, my lovely lady comes 2 hrs every week and helps me. The other things which really helped were getting out to groups where ds2 could run around and have attention from other adults. A music group worked really well for me as I could feed babies whilst he joined in and other hands to help when needed. Local library also excellent, going tomorrow with them all! Were there things you went to before the twins were born? Also, are you getting babies to sleep upstairs or down, if you could get them to sleep in cots upstairs (or whatever) ds might feel less threatened and not wake them up?

as teddymummy says, multiples is so different you can expect the same of yourself as you did with singleton. I used formula from beginning and it made the difference between coping (for me) and not. Just do whatever you need to look after you and your family and get through this v.tough period, ditch the guilt. Believe me you are in the minority bf twins at all, try to think of it that way, it's tremendous whatever amount they get from you.

Hi, I was also in the same situation as yourself. My DD was 2.5 when my DTs arrived. I think you definitely need some help. I was lucky because my Mum lives nearby and practically lived with us for a quite a while and still comes round now every week to give me a break (DD is now 4 & DTs 19 months). Is there anyone you could ask for help?

My midwife put loads of pressure on me to exclusively bf & express milk & I just couldn't do it. I had to give some formula so that I retained my sanity. Don't feel guilty about it - just do what feels right for you.

Thankyou for the replys.
My son normaly goes to a nursery 3 days a week from 10-4 which is a real sanity saver, but he was ill so didnt go much b4 christmas than they were closed for two weeks over christmas. And were closed today due to snow and heating problems will b much better when back in a routine with this.
DP and my sister plus older step DS and DD are all a big help with toddler DS but he wants me all the time. Because im not avalable in the same way as b4 IYSWIM. Plus when I was at work i devoted ALL my @ home time to him now im not at work but have less time for him as well so i can see why hes acting up to the change.
Am looking forward to attending our local twin group 4 1st time on friday. will give homestart some thought.
Put him in his room (stair gate @ door)for a nap in the afternoon when at home but he doesnt sleep just builds dens with the furniture, but he would really benafit from a nap.

glad to hear that you have some help and . Don't know how the feeds are going/timing wise, but if you're able to have some help once a week to take ds 'out' that might really help him? (I took mine to a gym-type class which he loved, having me all to himself was clearly exactly what he wanted). My 3yo had a horribly clingy phase at 2.5 until recently, he wouldn't go to his dad at all. V.frustrating. But if he has certain times of the day when you will be 'his' again, he might start to relax a bit. But unfortunately it's a hard slog isn't it? It does get easier, but so hard at this point to be torn in 3 different directions, it's one of those things that they and you will adapt to but takes time.
You have had a rough time of it since the dts were born, understandable you just feel like crying! God knows I did for weeks on end (and now for that matter, but another story!).

Readind A/queens post reminds me that I had a brilliant NVQ3 student from the local college to do her 'baby under 1' placement. I was told about it by the twins club. The college was very grateful when I rang asking about it and they love twin mums because the students get a lot of hands on experience. She opted to come back for her final placement when she could choose to go anywhere she had been during the course- so she must have liked us! She was fab and played with DD as well. Gave me some time on my own with DD while she took care of the DTs- but would depend completely on the calibre of the student. She was handy for baby sitting too as fairly local. Worth a try for you maybe?