Mum to triplets - anyone else out there?

[suwith3]

Hi all

I am a mum to 7 month old triplets - two boys and a girl. Complete surprise to my husband and I as we were not having any fertility treatment.

My husband and I found out we were having triplets on 04 Dec 2008.

Monday to Friday from about 7 in the morning to just gone 6 in the evening I am on my own as hubby at work and I dont live near either his or my family. Before our three arrived I had barely even held a baby never mind be a mother to 3!

It is tiring, exhausting, daunting, overwhleming and scary but also the best thing that has happened to us.

Anyone else out there?

Triplets on d'y ever has triplets obviously, come and have a chat with her on there. I only have twins. Must have been a shock to find out there was three. Well done you for getting through the pregnancy and early months so well!

Congratulations on your triplets and glad to hear you're enjoying your family! I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant with triplets (BGG) so will watch this thread with interest, and hope to pick up some clever coping tips!!

IT IS EXHAUSTING BUT ABSOLUTELY AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL TOO!! I was almost 46 when mine were born at 32 weeks, a girl and two boys! I kept a daily diary on all for the first year, handy when you wake at 2am after having an hours sleep and cannot remember who you fed! If you have offers of help take it, shopping, washing etc, and rest whenever you can when the are asleep. I had all mine going thru the night by 3 months and have never looked back, I didnt have the terrible twos either, they were delightful and I would love to have those days back again, truly. They will be 12 in Jan and are very hard work, esp as we are so much older, but its worth it. Enjoy it all, and cat me if I can help

Hello,
I am 14 weeks pregnant with triplets too (no fertility treatment here either) and am expecting two identicals and a singleton which I think are all boys. Feeling quite apprehensive about the pregnancy as my consultant has been quite frankly terrifying about the risks etc. I also already have a DD who is 15 months.
I'd appreciate any info about your pregnancies and when your triplets were born?

Hi Lady, well as I said mine were born at 32 weeks as baby number 3 had stopped growing! They were born by c section, Rebecca 4lb.2oz, Thomas 4lb.7oz and James 2lb.15oz! None of them needed oxygen, James went into an incubator as he was so tiny, the other two went into an open cot together, after just over 3 weeks they all came home together! They keep on about the risks of multiple pregnancies, I had extra scans because of my age but really sailed thru it, and all were born healthy thank God, I think every pregnancy carries risks, just try to enjoy it, the very good advice I was given was to rest and reat and rest, not so easy for you as you have a 15 month old too, but from week 24 I went to bed to read from 1-5pm, found it very boring, but believe it helped the babies to gain weight. Do you have a little boy or girl? Good luck xx

Hi all

Our triplets were born at 30 weeks and 5 days and apart from being small, they were all perfectly formed and didnt need any medical help thank goodness.

The pregnancy was hard most definitley and by 24 weeks I was the size a woman would be at full term with 1. I just had to keep thinking of the end result!

Re your hubby having the snip - mine had his in July.

Practical tip - when your three arrive, we found it easier to have them sleep in a cot downstairs in the lounge during the day for their naps rather than going up and downstairs all day (also got them used to normal noise and so they dont disturb easily). Then when bed time in the evening they went upstairs and from day one we have had a rule that once they go upstairs they stay there until breakfast! It has worked. They now have their naps on a quilt in the lounge during the day. They have slept right through since 4 months and we have never looked back!

Lady - if I can be of any help, please let me know.

When I started this thread the other day, what I really wanted to do was to unload - anonomously - and I havent done it. So, sorry for anyone reading this that wanted to be "lifted", but I have to have somewhere where I can say what I need to say without worrying.

I am exhausted. I dont just mean tired, I mean exhausted. As I said when I started this thread, I am on my own the majority of the time and it has started to get to me. I cry. I want to sleep. I want to have a bath and not a two minute shower. I want to be able to enjoy my children. I want someone to come round and say "you sit there, I'll make you a cup of tea".

Each time the next stage is achieved ie sleeping through the night, you think, "this will get easier now". It doesnt get easier it just gets different. We are weaning them at the moment and the cooking involved to get a store for three is ridiculous!

When I'm out with them (i use a double buggy and a sling for the third as I dont drive), if one more person says to me "that must be hard work", i think I will quite simply loose it. Do they think that they are the first person to say that to me and not the tenth that day? I was in a queue in the bank and the woman behind me called me a filthy bitch - why? - I have no idea. I just left. Why do people look at me with disgust when they see me out? I have three beautiful children and I resent these people for trying to make me feel bad.

Well, that feels a bit better anyway. Sorry for the moan but I need an outlet for this of I think I will go barmy.

I want to say that I love my children dearly and I wouldnt be without any one of them and I wouldnt change what has happened if ever given a choice. If you see someone out with three babies, please dont tell them it must be hard work, just smile and say "lovely".

thanks

Hello Suwith3 I don't have triplets, just twins but I couldn't read your post without responding. Sorry to hear how exhausted you are and that you have to do so much on your own. It is like this for me with my 2 and I feel like I hardly get a minute to myself but you have 3 to deal with and are doing a fab job. I just can't believe how wierd people are to verbally abuse you for having triplets. Total idiots. There is a triplet mum who lives near me and I just look at her with admiration and think her babies look gorgeous and I promise have never uttered the `hard work' line, as I get tired of hearing it myself. I think people just think they are being supportive really and aren't sure what to say. Mums of singletons often tell me I seem to be a very calm mum with my twins but I am never sure what they expect me to be doing at a toddler group. Losing it???

Anyway, I hope you are feeling better for venting. Take care x

suwith3 - It will get easier but maybe not until they are about 3 or 4. I always feel like it gets a bit harder when you start weaning. Can you put them in bouncy seats on vibrate in the bathroom while you have a bath or in their beds? I may be a terrible mother but I feed my twins, wind them, settle them to sleep and then go and have a bath. If they wake up and cry then I finish my bath but not in a panic and they just have to wait. Take some time for yourself. I don't drive either and have a four year old, a three year old and 3 week old twins, you have to take the time away from them in order to get it but there's no reason why you shouldn't. Sometimes you just go mad if you don't. Good on you for having a moan. I have a moan pending that my DH will probably get tonight if I don't vent it on here during the day! Lol...

Have you contacted homestart as i think that you should be eligible for some help from them. I would also get in touch with your local college and see if they have any nursery nurse students who may be able to give you a hand for a few hours a week.

Thanks all for your advice. At the moment I have so many worries - mainly for the pregnancy which I obviously cannot completely control. Then about NICU, breastfeeding, coping, money, my relationship with DH, my body, sleep, my DD who I feel will get a bum deal for a while and generally not being in control!
I'm a slight control freak and staying organised is what helps me manage things in general. But I know all that's going to go out the window. We do have supportive family and I think I just need to forget about things always being done my way and just accept the help with gratitude!
I think the tip about rest is a good one. Because I look fine and keep up with things at home my DH is treating me the same as if I was carrying one and I have to keep reminding him that I do feel tired.

I am grateful for suwith3's honesty because I can't understand how anyone couldn't feel like that with 3 babies.

Wish I lived near you all as now my 3 are at secondary school I have time on my hands and would love to help. It is hard work, there is no denying, but there is help if you ask, Homestart as suggested are brilliant, we had Heather a retired teacher, she came for 3 hours on a Tues morning, may not sound alot but she would wash, shop, iron, clean, she didnt help with the babies as she was terrified of them as they were so tiny! Do you have nice neighbours, again we had quite a few elderly ladies around who loved to visit and were quite capable of holding a baby and helping to feeds, amazing that they stil had the knack and it gave them great pleasure. I know 3 babies the same age is hard, but to be honest I have watched alot of my friends who have singletons, maybe a baby, a two yr old and one just starting school and I think, "what a nightmare, baby to feed, toddler to dress, packed lunch,school clothes and all out the door to get one to school"!At least ours all go off together Please dont feel bad, dont listen or take to heart the silly things people say, all the time we have had, "got your grandkids for the day, cor youve got your hands full"!! They are precious and special, it is all worth it

Well all, here's an update.

Feeling loads better! Hubby has been made redundant and so is at home for a bit. Should feel completely awful about it but am not. He is taking the trips away for 3 days to their grandparents and I will be here all on my own!

I do manage fine on a day to day basis. I think it just gets to me sometimes when one has a cold, all three are teething, another has a bad tummy etc and this all happens at once obviously.

I just tell myself that our babies are doing great - all a fab weight, the routine they are in at the mo suites them, they go to bed at 1930 and we get them up at 0700 and have no problems with this, they all eat well and they are happy.

Jobs a goodun!

Re people coming round to help, I just couldn't face having strangers around and it would stress me out more I think so will pass for now with regard Homestart etc.

Thanks for all your comments.

Hi suwith3,

I couldn't read your posts and not reply! I don't have triplets, I d0 have 6 year old twin girls. I think you sound like you are doing so well - you have obviously established a great routine and it sounds like you have 3 happy, contented babies.

Even with just my two girls I found the monotony of it very hard to deal with and the cycles of feeding, changing etc were some days so hard! I also found it so hard not having time to even think and everything I did was rushed - can now put a full face of make up on in less than 3 minutes - just don't look too closely.

I really do hope a few days to yourself will help you to recharge your batteries. I don't have any practical advice and you do sound very organised which was the key to my survival and the fact I just let some stuff go over my head! Even with twins people do think they have the right make stupid comments and can be so rude and thoughtless.

I did read a fantastic book a few months ago by Jackie Clune - she is an actor/comedian and she had triplets in 04 I think. Her book is fantastic and you may have read it but it will give you some light relief and you will obviously share many of her experiences! If you want to PM me your address I will send it to you.

Keep doing what you are doing, try to keep positive and if things get on top of you, come here and unload! You sound like a great triplet Mum to me. xxx

how you do it without help, I do not know, suwith3. I felt we were lucky in being able to hire two helpers from day one. and only now that our 3 girls are 3 and a half and go to kindergarten 5 half days I feel I can do without help.

Hi loubloutwinmum

many thanks for your message. Unfortunately I have no idea what you mean by PM my address to you! (am new here). However, I have read the Jackie Clunes book and it was hilarious. I read it whilst pregnant and only now can I relate to it.

Thanks ever so much for your offer, that was really kind of you.

Hello,
How are things going I have 5 year old triplets, mine were a suprise too. I read a book called 'I sleep at red lights' about someones triplet experience, it was hilarious, is that the book you are talking about, can't remember who wrote it. For me I found the hardest bit was up until 1 year, and then after that everything became a bit more of a breeze, as soon as they could hold their own bottles, life got easier. Anyway, hope things are swimming along nicely for you.

Hi VintageV

Just thought I would look through to see if anyone had added to the thread and I read your line about holding their own bottles and it made me laugh. My husband and I keep saying "if only they could hold their own bottles"! But then you think that you have already thought that things will get easier at each new stage and it never does, it just gets different, so that is nice to know.

They are down to two bottle feeds a day so getting a bit easier now.

Nice to know that not alone out here.

Hi Suwith3, just felt I had to add to this thread. I'm mum to twins (12 yo b/g) I've also been a Homestart volunteer for 8 years. Homestart often match me with families with twins(or once triplets)aged from newborn to 4 , I think I've helped out about 8 families over the years.The time I give is tiny (about 3 hours a week)but it does seem to be appreciated. I know I'm no expert and I never presume so, but lots of parents just appreciate some (totally) non-judgemental advice and sharing of experiences, and often just a strong shoulder or a pocket full of tissues.
One mum I know, very successfully BF one triplet whilst the other 2 drank bottles of ebm propped up on cushions in their bouncy chairs.
Do try Homestart if it ever gets too much again.The mum of triplets I knew also had a trainee nanny from the local college on placement(she was marvellous with the children)
Just in case any other pg with multiples mum is reading this; you can self-refer to Homestart or ask your HV to refer you. Sx