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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

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Original poster

Expecting twins... and I already have a toddler

27 replies

ConsidertheLilies · 05/10/2009 18:03

Hi everybody, I am new here. I just found out that I am expecting twins - and I also have a two year old daughter who still nurses/co-sleeps with me.

I had planned to let my daughter self-wean (at which point I would give her a toddler bed), but now I am feeling an urgency to wean her and get her into her own bed.

I think she will have a very hard time with jealousy if she is not weaned before the babies come.

I was planning to let her nurse in tandem with the new baby, but with twins, I won't even have an extra boob or arm to offer her....I think she would feel so left out and jealous.

In general, I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around what it will mean to go from 1 to 3 kids. I will have to change the way I do just about everything!

Has anyone here 'been there/ done that'?
I would really love to connect with a mom - or moms - who have already gone through it.

I would appreciate any words of wisdom concerning tandem nursing all 3 or weaning/changing to a toddler bed.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

KembleTwins · 05/10/2009 18:06

Have you got a twins group in your area? If so, check it out - it's the best way to meet other mothers in your position, and get loads of advice and support and practical tips. Our twins group runs evenings for people expecting twins, in our homes, where expectant couples can come along and ask all sorts of questions. Find out if you have one.

Congratulations, by the way! And good luck. I have twins, and it's fabulous. They were my first though, so I can't offer you any practical help with your questions, sorry!

curiositykilled · 05/10/2009 20:49

congrats, I am merely pregnant with twins atm. Marslady or mama would be the people to ask about feeding. Hop on over to the d'y ever threads.

curiositykilled · 05/10/2009 20:50

here

PeasPlease · 05/10/2009 21:39

"In general, I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around what it will mean to go from 1 to 3 kids."

I am totally with you on that. How long have you known? I am still in shock.

Original poster

ConsidertheLilies · 06/10/2009 02:36

Thank you for pointing me in the right direction. I just found out about the twins last week. I had my US at 6 weeks LMP, but they said the gestational sacs were measuring at 5 weeks, 1 day, so it was too early to see the fetal pole/heart beat. I have another US scheduled for this Friday (should be measuring 6w, 4d). I have no idea why they scheduled such an early scan! I'm looking forward to seeing 2 heart beats! : )

OP posts:

RillaMyRilla · 06/10/2009 03:08

Congratulations I had a nineteen month old when I found out I was having twins. I was still breastfeeding then as well. I did quickly cut down to morning and night only feeds and then when I was about four months pregnant stopped altogether. I didn't want her to remember being breastfed when the babies came in case she was jealous. Also I found the twin pregnancy very physically demanding and thought not breastfeeding might help me have a bit more energy (not really). I think stopping breastfeeding her was more traumatic for me than her. She wasn't bothered at all.

I am still breastfeeding the twins (12 months) but I did fairly early on switch to three hour (ish) feeding rather than demand feeding - I think I would have stopped breastfeeding if I hadn't.

I was in shock for a few weeks after I found out about the twins (there have never been any in my family and it didn't ever cross my mind I would have them) and my biggest fears were that my daughter would feel completely sidelined. However she loves having them around and although this year has been really really busy (and sometimes overwhelming) watching the three of them playing together is fantastic.

PeasPlease · 06/10/2009 09:31

That's a good point, Lilies, you may well start to feel overwhelming tiredness soon which might drive you to cut down the feeds a bit.

I don't suppose that nursing 3 would be impossible though, as long as the little ones get fed first and you feel you have the energy.

BenandSue · 06/10/2009 12:44

My little girl was 2.5 years when the twins came along. I was very worried that she'd be jealous, but I found she was fine when they arrived. We bought her a pressie from the twins. It was when they got older and started crawling around and grabbing her toys that things went downhill!!

I found it quite overwhelming going from 1 to 3 children but I guess you get used to it after a while. Mind you I still look at the twins sometimes and think 'Oh my giddy aunt, there are two of them!!' and they're 16 months old now.

Personally, I'd recommend you try and get any big changes, like moving into a bed/weaning done before the twins arrive. I moved DD1 into a bed and got her toilet trained before the twins arrived because it was easier as I had more time and I didn't want her to associate those changes with the arrival of the babies.

CakeBuddy · 08/10/2009 10:38

"In general, I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around what it will mean to go from 1 to 3 kids."

Yep - know exactly how you feel there! I've got a nearly 2yo DD1 and am pregnant with triplets!!

Sophie2008 · 12/10/2009 17:25

Hello,

I am in the same boat, i've got a 14 month old and i'm 9 weeks pregnant with twins!!

Still trying to wrap my head around it, plus keep thinking how on earth am i going to cope!

Anjelika · 13/10/2009 13:50

I'm another one and very relieved to see this thread! I've got a 2.7 year old and am 12 weeks pg with twins. I lie awake worrying at night at how we will all cope.

Sophie2008 · 13/10/2009 14:19

I'm having problems with finding a reasonable priced pushchair as DD will only be 20 months when they arrive, so probably a triple one, but then not sure if she will want to walk everywhere or not. so do i go for a double (already have a single stroller too) or a triple??

We are moving housse when i will be around 30 weeks, so thinking of putting DD in a nursery for a few mornings / afternoons to get her used to it plus will give her a break from the madness!

accessorizequeen · 13/10/2009 19:58

Hullo ladies, welcome to twindom
One of my ds's was 21 months when my dt's were born, he'd only walked at 17 months and I didn't get a triple. God no, a double's wide enough! There are a few options, the ABC has a toddler seat, you could sling one of the babies when you have your toddler with you & he's too tired to walk, look at a buggy board or a strolli (this works really well for a woman I know with dt's and a toddler). I know it's hard to imagine now but by 20 or so months toddler can walk quite a way if you start training them now!

Best thing you can do now if you have a toddler and twins on the way is see if there's any help you can get when they arrive. Homestart, college student, paid help, cleaner, MIL, whoever, but having a 2nd pair of hands around for a bit of time each week will really help the transition for the older child. I know exactly how you all feel, I lay awake worrying about coping for months and in some ways easier when they come and you just have to deal with it! It is copable, bloody hard but you get through it and I so love seeing my 4 together now as they're so close in age together (5.10, 2.10 and 1).

Sophie2008 · 14/10/2009 20:16

Thanks for the advice, will definately be taking it all onboard!

Insanitybecomesme · 14/10/2009 20:22

I am 21weeks at the moment expecting boy/girl twins, if they arrive near their due date I will have a 2yr 3mnth son and a 3yr 9mnth daughter plus 8 and 9yr sons. I think I shall have my work cut out for a while

accessorizequeen · 14/10/2009 21:52

Eeek, yes, insanity!
Sophie, btw worth hanging onto single buggy if you can as may come in handy for trip out with one twin or your toddler, which I do quite often.
You guys should all get together with your own thread, as others have done before you, it's v.nice to go through it all together.

Lovelee · 14/10/2009 22:28

My DTs are now 4 years old. It's a while ago now, but my advice to you is to combine feed - get the twins on breast milk AND formula from the beginning and so they get the breast milk they deserve and you can get others to feed them when you feel too knackered to breastfeed. Twins are a lot easier than two siblings born close together. You get the sleepless nights over in one go rather than get one child sorted then have to start all over again with the next one.
Enjoy it, it's a piece of cake.
And learn to smile every time you hear "Two for the price of one!!" You will hear that several time a day and people think they are being so original when they say it

poorbuthappy · 14/10/2009 22:33

I can't help with the feeding thing as my eldest was 4 when the twins turned up...the only bit of advice I have for you (and anyone else who is reading..) is...

It is not as hard as everyone else without multiples tells you its going to be... in fact I will always maintain that my twins are/were easier than dd1...purely because of how much more laid back I am/was...

Oh and remember the mantra...this too shall pass!

Congrats

feetheart · 14/10/2009 22:49

Congratulations to all those expecting twins (and triplets - wow!)

Doubt I'll be much help but I come from the other side - I was the toddler when my mum had twins. I was just 2 when they arrived and have no memories of them not being there, it has always been the 3 of us.
I still get some of the kudos of being the sister of twins even now, 45 years later

I'm still in awe of how my mum coped having had 2 singletons 3 years apart myself. Her reply is always - you just get on with it as you don't know any different.

Sophie2008 · 15/10/2009 09:30

I have a question for anyone that can help. How supportive were your partners when you had the twins and had a toddler too?

I am really worried that DH isn't going to help out all that much and i'll be left to cope with it all on my own. Had a few tears this morning worrying about it. Seems silly to be worrying now as only 10 weeks pregnant with them.

DD woke up at 4am this morning which is not normal for her, so i went and sorted her out but she winged for a while after and she eventually goes back to sleep. However because DH had his sleep interupted he was in a right foul mood, and bit my head off saying he is tired of being tired. Does he not think i am tired too??? If he is like this now, what is he going to be like when the Twins arrive.

It was the same when DD was born, he had to have his sleep regardless of whether i had had any sleep or not!

Any advice or words of wisdom to put my mind at ease would be really appreciated.

accessorizequeen · 15/10/2009 20:35

Sophie, afraid it's men all over really! Most men that I know get their act together with the 2nd child arriving (or 2nd and 3rd) but it's hard to get it through. Perhaps try to agree some ground rules whilst you're still pg and when you're both relaxed? My dp is v.v.helpful now but he wasn't at all with first child, we've had to renegotiate a hundred times. I've learnt not to nag or beg or whine though, it never gets me anywhere (god knows it's my first instinct tho). But do act as though he is going to do his fair share, it shouldn't be a request for him to do something 'for' you (it's not for you, they're his children, it's his house). I tend to say things like 'I was going to have a rest this morning, would you rather I did it now or later?' 'Would you rather take the twins for a walk or dc1?' no option to do nothing there! It does sound a lot like talking to a toddler now I come to think of it. And dp is wonderful, don't get me wrong but basically men tend to look for the easy option where they can.
Do you have any family or likely to have some paid help?

Sophie2008 · 15/10/2009 21:41

I have calmed down a lot now. Will definately have a discussion with him to set some rules i think, nearer the time.

My DH is in the armed forces so not very near any family and no idea yet where we are moving to at the end of February, but could be nearer to family which i am so hoping it is.

I was thinking of getting some help, but money will be a bit tight, i know family will come and visit loads. (my mum came for and stayed for 2 weeks with DD1 to help me get myself into a routine) So prob going to ask her and my MIL too.

Thanks for the advice. it's much appreciated as i do get myself into a tizzy sometimes!

oooggs · 15/10/2009 21:46

sophie my twins were 20 mths when ds3 arrived and I had a triple - it was hard work but enabled me to get out for the first 6 mths. I then used my double with the dts either in and out of the sit or one in the seat next the baby and one on the hood.

They are 2.6 (x2!) & 8 mths now and I sold the triple in August.

Congratulations to you all - must be something in the water

NKffffffffee0f8010X1140828dc0e · 01/12/2009 21:31

Sophie and whoever else it may concern....
I'm expecting twins and have a three year old and my dh often says or does things which make me wonder if he'll be any help at all! A few key things to bear in mind:
If he says he needs more sleep than you because he has to work the next day - you have work the next day too! and you won't get a lunch break. If he says "I've just got in from work!" when you hand everything over to him when he walks in the door so that you can go scream somewhere, you can say "I am still at work!" It takes a while to sink in but they have to realise that the workload increases for BOTH of you not one of you and that while you're at home, you're working just as hard (if not harder-but best not say that) as they are.

magnummum · 04/12/2009 20:27

For those pregnant at the moment one bit of advice I'd pass on is really try not to spend your whole pregnancy worrying about how you'll cope with an older dc too. (easier said than done I know).

I really loved being pregnant with dd1 but worried myself silly second time round with the twins, about just about everything but especially how we'd all cope . Well you do cope and as others have said seeing them together now - dd1 is 3.4 and twins are 7 months is magic. I do sometimes wish that I had been able to relax and enjoy being pregnant rather than being anxious.

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