I am so tired - what am I doing wrong?

[TaraQ]

I have posted here before and have had so many positive responses - I am hoping it will be the same again. My twin boys were born at 35 weeks and they are now 6 weeks old. One is half a pound bigger than the other but they are both now formula fed. They both have 3oz of formula and take 8 feeds in 24 hours. The larger baby would take more but is often sick on it. The smaller one only just manages to take 3 oz every feed.

They generally will go for 3 hours between feeds day and night. Last week for several nights they were going longer at night time - we would feed them at 6.30 and they would go to 10.30 for example. But over the past few days things are going backwards. They are now waking every 2 hours. We feed them together at night time but last night we were practically up the whole night.

I know that this can be put down to a "growth spurt" but I can't help but feel that this is the answer that is given to everything! I really want them to go longer between feeds. What can I do? I was fine with a 3 hourly cycle but 2 hourly is ridiculous! Should I be trying to give them more? Should I increase feeds to 4 oz? This would probably be fine if both took it but I have a feeling that only the larger one would take it - that would be useless if we want to feed them at the same time.

i am at my wits end and so tired. Am I expecting too much from them? I know I shouldn't compare them to my dd (full term and born at over 8oz) but they are showing no signs of going longer. They now weigh 7lb 2oz and 7lb 13oz. Has any one any advice?....

hi my twins are now 13 weeks, i had trouble with mine being sick after feeds. i had one baby with pyloric stenosis but you would know if one had that because it is projectile vomiting all the milk every feed.
after he had his operation they were both still being sick (reflux) and having small bottles every 3 hours.
then we tried the cow and gate comfort milk/ aptamil comfortable digestion (same milk but different names aptamil is more expensive) it made a big difference to my two being sick they are now on almost 8oz bottles and slept through 10pm to 7am from 10 weeks and now do 8-9pm to 6-7am. it is thicker so you need to use size 2 teats.
my smaller baby eats more than the bigger one and i have to give the bigger one a break half way through so she eats it all.

i also use the mam bottles which made a difference to the amount of wind they had.

Thanks Mel2005 - that gives me hope. Cannot believe that they slept through from 10 weeks. What weight were they when they were born? Were they premature?.. x

they were born at 38 weeks, my little boy was 5lb 5oz and my little girl 6lb 3oz. they are now 10lb 11oz and 10lb 4oz at 13 weeks. oscar my little boy had the operation at 2 weeks and lost alot of weight but is now catching up nicely. the comfort milk is great, it did make a big difference to both of them. oscar has a growth spurt every 2 weeks and he acts like he is starving. i use the contented baby book for twins as a guide and adapt it to our family routines. it was a shock when they first slept through, i kept waking up checking they were still breathing.

Blimy they are only 6weeks old, they have little tummy's and need feeding often. Mine are 16weeks old and still feed every few hours. Cut yourself some slack and sleep when they do, you will feel better!

Mine were born at 34 weeks (4 lbs) and fed 3 hourly initially but back tracked around week 6-7 to 2 hourly. It was maddening. Nothing wrong there. Prem babies do take a while to go longer on a regular basis. I remember that one time in the hospital they went 5 hours between feeds. The staff should not have let this happen...but I digress.

Mine are 16 weeks now and can manage 4-5 hrs. e.g. I feed at 6p, 11p, 4a and then back to 7.30a. Hang in there. There is an end to this.

Can someone else do a feed in the night for you to give you a six-hour stretch of sleep, even just once a week? My mum used to do that for me and I wouldn't have been able to cope without it.

Hi, sorry to hear things seem to be going backwards. I know what a nightmare it is when you take 2 steps forwards only to take one step back, but hang in there. I had trouble getting one of mine to feed (he was also 1 lb lighter), he wouldnt take much at each feed etc, or we'd feel great after getting quite a bit down him finally, only for him to throw up violently within a few minutes. I switched to Podee handfree bottles at 5 weeks,(can get them online) and found that they drank as they wanted and then stopped throwing up. Its a different teat which they have to suck quite hard, more like a nipple i guess. I think normal bottles work more on a drip drip drip approach, babies mouth fills up with milk and then they swallow, bit clumsy, lots of air, milk running down faces into ears and possibly too fast for them esp as they are so small/young. I think the key is to get more into them in the hope that, then they will naturally go longer between feeds. Good luck.

Tara, just wanted to say very emphatically that you are not doing anything wrong! It is a v trying time and it will get better and easier, I promise! It really can often seem that you've got something 'sorted', e.g. feeding, sleeping, and then suddenly they change and you feel right back at the bottom of a very big hill. Babies do change all the time and sometimes it feels like things get more difficult but for each of those times there is another occasion when things get much easier. I used to feel like we had lots of bad days, but then we'd get a bad day followed by a good day and then more good than bad. Hope that makes sense! Those Podee bottles sound fab NKU - self-feeding definitely a good idea for twins!

Sweetheart, you are not doing anything wrong. Its most commonly known as the twin haze I found the early days so tough, my twins didn't feed well together and slept very differently (I didn't find one slept better with the other for example and so I slept them apart sometimes) and my DT2 was very, very unsettled for his first few months of life (which I now suspect was an intolerance).

Try to look upon it as a survival time, let everything take a back seat for six months and say to yourself that you will catch up on all the rest in six months time. Bed down, sleep every chance you get, get your body used to napping in short spells. Give yourself permission to do this, don't feel you should be doing other stuff while they sleep. It is ok to let them cry sometimes (day or night). Sometimes you just need to feel ok about saying "right, I have done my best and now I need to have a cuppa and re-focus" - jump on MN and start a thread shouting for someone to give you perspective and for 10-15mins just breathe. Its ok.

I remember having nights when I had slept no more than 3 hours and only in 20minute bursts before my DD1 would wake. It was awful! But there are many, many good bits still to come, get that first year under your belt and you will start to see the haze clear. I promise it is worth it all x.

Thanks everyone. It is interesting frumpygrumpy that you said that you separated them at times. We are seriouslty considering doing this. The bigger twin now takes 5oz feeds at night and will go 4-5 hours. We still struggle to get 3 oz into the smaller one and he waked every 2-3 hours. They bloming wake each other up though. Seriously considering separating them but am worried that they will get used to sleeping in peace and quiet. They WILL be sharing a room ultimately and so I want them to get used to sleeping through each other's noise. WHat does everyone think?...x

Am sure there is someone on here who sleeps her twins separately ie in different rooms... Was it you Neenz? I think you must do whatever you have to if it will give you some peace (short of leaving them on the steps of the local orphanage)! Survival techniques def needed for early days of twins. If you want to put them in the same room later on then cross that bridge when you come to it - right now you need a rest and if you think it'll work then why not give it a go, even if it's just for a week or so to get routines more established?

I just seperated mine at 4 mos. Enough was enough! I could see one waking up the other. By the time I would settle the first one, second one would be awake and so on. Now they sleep in separate cots. I remember in the very early days when we could not have a routine for them, I would take one twin with me and DH would take the other one on the couch. We had to get through somehow.

I separated mine for naps lately, put dd upstairs in the cot & ds3 in the buggy downstairs. Whatever gets you through, I have tried not to question anything I do lately if it means sleep!

I think that's a very sensible attitude Accessorizequeen!