Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

advice needed

4 replies

bodgejob · 16/03/2009 13:31

Hi i'm a single mum of twin boys 22 mnths and elder son aged 4.

I have developed a back problem recently and now I am finding it so hard to lift twins without being in serious agony.

This morning was a nightmare. both twins decided they didn't want to get into the pushchair to take eldest to school. Twin 1 laid flat on the floor refusing to move , twin 2 ran off . In the end I had to drag them both kicking and sceaming and hurt my back in the process. The same happened when we got home . Both ran off into garden refused to come into house. Let them play for a little then when I said right time to go in both laid down refusing to budge. Had to scramble them in as best I could.

It seems they are on to the fact I am not as fit as I was and they are testing me constantly. I would be grateful if anyone could advise me on how to manage them both cause I feel drained this morning. I don't want to get angry with them but I'm in a great deal of pain and I'm losing my temper.

I can't take a break in order to get better myself as there is nobody else to look after the Dc . I just need to minimise more damage to my back.

Thankyou x

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
nopatience · 16/03/2009 14:43

I dont know what to advise but know my twin boys started to get a real handful too around this time. They are at school now and I hate to say it but I look forward to Monday so I can have a day to recover from the weekend. Have you ever phoned the TAMBA advice line? I remember ringing them for the 1st time feeling just like you,having been pushed to my limit. You could try asking your Health Visitor for advice. If you can nip it in the bud now,I know I wish I had been firmer sooner. I also know with twin boys this is easier said than done. I find separating them works as they definately work as a team against you. This can be difficult even without a bad back as they seem to have an iron will! Sorry I cant be of much use but hope you feel better knowing you are not alone. Twin boys are certainly a force to be reckoned with!!!

kathryn2804 · 17/03/2009 17:57

I used to go out as much as poss, we would go to a toddler group, or just to a friends, every day! It's the only way I managed.

KHS · 21/03/2009 09:57

Hi there - you must be exhausted! I have 4 yr old twin boys and a bad back, and that can be bad enough. I really felt for you when I read your post yesterday and have been thinking about what to say to you.

Re. your back - please see the GP and ask for a physio referral. It might not come through for ages, but you may still need it when it does. If it's really bad right now then make that clear to the GP and maybe she can bump you up the list somehow. Tell her how you are the sole carer for 3 small children and need to be physically fit. Cry if you think it will help! And if s/he isn't sympathetic, see a different doctor until you find one who is.

Meanwhile, tank up on Ibuprofen - they work a treat for me, and if I'm knackered i top up with some Anadin extra or similar supermarket brand pill to give me some extra caffeine on top! If your back is really tight at night, lie on the floor with a rolled up towel lenghways under your spine for at least 10 mins. It really stretches your back out. And have a hot bath when and a big glass of wine if you fancy it when everyone else is in bed. It's so important to look after yourself when you're having a difficult time and are in pain.

With such small boys still you won't be able to stop lifting completely, but when you do please make sure you are lifting right, i.e. from your knees and not bending at the waist. Ever! And start training your boys to come to you, not the other way around. Leave plenty of time to get them ready for going out, and don't let them see your frustration when they try to play games. Just ignore them and then grab them when they come to you to check what mummy is doing. Make sure you're sitting right next to the buggy with all the necessary shoes and clothes right next to you. Bribe them with raisins or a biscuit if necessary to make them do as you say (or a smartie or whatever else will tempt them - desperate times, desperate measures!), but stick to your guns that they need to come to you.

Encourage the little ones to climb into the buggy/up the stairs/cot whenever possible so you don't have to lift them unless absolutely necessary. Aafter I slipped a disc I trained mine to climb into swings at the playground f.ex- we chose the swings that were closest to the ground and I held the swing steady while they climbed in. If the buggy is too heavy to get down the stairs with the kids in it, then take the buggy first and then return for each boy and ask him to climb in. And ask random strangers for help whenever you can to get onto public transport etc - most people don't mind at all I find, especially wen they see you have twins.

If you inisist on this every time you go out and don't give in to grumpy objections then it will work and they'll get better at it with time. Encourage them to be kind to mummy and explain that mummy's back hurts - mine took this very seriously and have asked about this ever since.

So basically - find new strategies for how to go about your daily duties, encourage them all to be independent and to help you, praise them lots when they are good (esp. your 4 yr old) and ignore them as much as possible when they are not. Enlist your older boy as your helper and make him feel really good about himslef when he does. And leave as much time as you can for getting out the door etc - even if it means getting up earlier in the morning as it will make you feel less stressed and prone to anger. And don't do any stupid angry lifts in the heat of the moment - that's what I did and that's when my back went. It's better to be late!

Is there a twinsclub/Sure Start centre where you live? These can be a godsend so I'd really advise going to give yourself a break and meet others in similar situations. And give Tamba a call too - their helpline can be very useful as it is run by parents of twins and I believe they have a special group for single parents. Hope this helps - take care.

KHS · 21/03/2009 10:06

PS-discipline is key, definitely, so do assert your authority by being firm about what you do and do not allow them to do. Praise them when they listen and tell them what will happen if they don't (i.e. no biscuit, no outing, no dessert) but be careful what you threaten them with as you will need to carry it through, otherwise they won't take you seriously.

I found it very useful to count mine down - kids often need 20 seconds to process what you're saying, so give them a bit of time to react and tell them what will happen if they haven't by the time you're finished counting, then carry it through. Once you find something that works, keep using it - kids thrive on routine and clear boundaries that they know what are. And enourage them to be polite - if you reinforce thank yous and pleases every single time then it will become second nature - eventually. You do sometimes end up feeling like an amnesiac army general, but that's life with twins I find!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread