I know this is done to death but I need some guidance about twins being in the same class..........

[frumpygrumpy]

My twins start school in August (Primary one) but I really need to speak to school now if I'd like them placed in the same class.

They are b/g twins who will just have turned 5 when they start. Little girl twin (DT1) is fairly easy about it all, she runs off into nursery and copes well with it all. Little boy twin (DT2) is not. He hates nursery and cries when I leave him. Always has. I work hard at this.

My guy instinct is to place them together. I have an older DD and she was just like DS/DT2. She grew in confidence as she grew in age and so I am inclined to let DS have the small support of having his sister there with him to give him a little more confidence until age catches up with him.

I don't think DT1 will bother. Even now, she doesn't let him hang on to her coat tails, she gets in and organised and I don't think DT2 would/could hold her back.

I guess I am worried that it only delays his maturity. They will split at the end of Primary 4 anyway (Scottish system) as their school mixes the classes then and it would be most likely that they would then find themselves in different classes.

School is keen to split them. For no other reason that its what they normally do. I find that the world has gone a little extreme in being pc and encouraging twins to be apart. They will part when they are ready and mine are quite different and so it will come.

I've forgotten why I'm asking. I guess I want someone to say its ok. And I guess I know inside I might need to be cruel to be kind and, oh shit, I'm so confused and ain't got a clue......

I have ID DTDs.

There was no way i was going to have them split for reception & Yr1. Starting school is such a big thing for them. They need each others support IMO - irresective of how confident they are or are starting school is such a big event and they will not be used to being forced to be apart (even though they may choose to play seperately in nusery etc.).

We requested that ours be seperated for the start of Yr3 (aged 7). They have flourished as individuals, socially and academically and it has been a fantastic decision. I wish I had done it for Yr2 - but would have never done it for R or Yr1.

Oooh thanks, that is really interesting. The whole world seems to have a view and that is to split so its lovely to hear it.

So, am I right in saying you did split them age 7 and they had no major worries? One didn't struggle?

And would you say they were always similar in nature? My twins are so different, with DT2 being much less outgoing. That is the bit that worries me. That he might hide behind his sisters security and then be dropped in it age 8/9.

We were not given the chance to separate and it has been fine and my DTs are in Yr 4 now.

I found that they had different friends at nursery and are generally quite different like yours. However, they do offer each other the support they sort of know each other wants. the more outgoing DT has blow ups with his friends and can talk to other DT about it. also other DT is quieter and has a smaller group of friends but can rely on brother for a bit of back up on the playground when he is feeling down. HTH

Our DTDs are different in character - certainly socially. In pre-school DTD1 was much more confident which children of her own age - but DTD2 was more confident with adult company, and didn't mix very well with other children unless they were part of DTD1's circle of friends. One thing I will say is that DTD has been very very clingy to me since I had a week in hospital when I was pg with DD3 (a week before they started school!).

DTD1 is pretty serious. DTD2 is much more sensitive - and generally needs more support for dealing with emotionally things.

There are 3 sets of twins in their year - 2 set sof ID girls and a set of non id boys. They were all kept in the same classes as their twin to date.

We did split they at aged 7. It was our choice. The other sets of twins are still together.

Our reasons for seperating them:

DTD2 was too clingy to DTD1 - hugging her in class, trying to play in a social group she wasn't welcome in (yet she would play with anyone and everyone if DTD1 was off sick - so doesn't actually have social problems).

We felt DTD2 was being overlooked in class as she was not quite as intelligent as DTD1;she has a very different learning style (DTD2 learns by rote; DTD1 works hard to understand the principles and "work things out), and I don't think the 2 learning styles were being addressed

Their Yr2 teacher actually seperated them academically for the sake of seperating them despite the fact they should have both been top set. She arbitrarily seperated them and actually moved the stronger twin down a set. This made me a but especially as she has DTs herself so I felt she could have handled it better. If anything this is a good thing about having them seperate.

Anyway. We asked their opioions before being seperated. DTD2 wanted to stay together. DTD1 wanted to be seperate (because of the hugging). It was a hard decision as we knew that we were going to upset one of them. In then end we went with a compromise which the school were happy to accomodate - that they got to dictate 2 friends to be in their class.

Anyway - both happy as larry in their classes. Teacher see's both of the qualitities. DTD2 has flourished academically and socially. I don't think DTD1 has benefited much from it but she hasn't suffered either. The only thing I suffer from is having to remember PE on different days, different homewor, I won't be able to go on school trips (as I can't be in both classes...)

I know it is a bit of an essay - but I hope that helps.

Will you have the chance to seperate them before they are 8/9?

I think if not that may be a tough choice. As I say I am really pleased that we have seperated them sooner rather than later...but I feel they needed each other for the first couple of years.

I think being b/g though come Yr2 they are likely to segregate within class as your DS will want to be with teh boys and DD with the girls. They don't tend to like hte opposite sex at that age!

The would be together for Primary 1, 2, 3 and 4 then all the classes are mixed and so they would likely split then.

The essay is good, it gives me lots to think about.

For me, I just wanted it to be easy, same teacher, same homework, school trips were important as I loved going on DD1's trips and I would end up not going on any if I couldn't share myself equally.

I'm just worried that I am either delaying a problem or making the problem bigger in the long run. Its just it seems such a big step for DT2 to start at a new school (they don't go to school nursery) and without his twin.

Aw hell, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't!!!!

I think that if it was my twins - with their personalities I would still have them together to start school.

Although there will still be potential problems seperating them - I don't think they will be any worse when they are 8 - they wil jsut be different problems - and should be mature enough to deal with them.

FG my darling. My DTs are in the same class (one form entry). I've found that they've begun to make separate friends. Like yours DT1 (g) is very outgoing etc..(rules the class don't you know) and DT2 (b) was initially the one who held back. Turns out that he has the special friends at school and she rules plays with them all!

Go with your gut! Tends to keep things right.

Hi Mars! Don't stay away so long

Thank you, I feel so much better about speaking to school about keeping them together. And yeah, splitting them age 8/9 will at least mean they are a little more mature to deal with it.

I'm going to go with my gut!

And now I need to write to school and beg insist.

Cheers sightlymad, you've been really helpful to talk with.

No worries. Good luck.