Feeling a bit low about newly walking twins - would really appreciate some practical advice...

[bellabelly]

Sorry this will be a bit long and moany... I am finding it very hard just at the mo.

My 18 month twins have very recently started walking - one well, the other not so well yet. When DH was around at the weekend, one of the nicest things was being able to let them out of the buggy to have a wander - this was something I'd really been looking forward to when they were non-walkers! But all this week I have been so frustrated when taking them out to park or communal garden (we don't have our own private garden but can use lovely big communal one that is fenced in and reasonably safe).

If I leave one in buggy to allow the other to walk around, the twin let in buggy HOWLS, even if being pushed in buggy alongside walking twin.

If I let both out on reins (not the special twin reins you can get, just ordinary singleton ones), they will NOT go in same direction as each other and I just end up with TWO howling children sitting on the floor.

If I let both out of buggy with no reins, they tear off in opposite directions and DT1 in particular makes straight for the gates (there are 2 sets of very tall gates at opposite ends of the garden and so far he hasn't worked out where the button is to open them...) The only real problem with this is if other people come in / go out of the garden, it takes ages for the automatic gates to close and he could easily walk out, straight onto the road unless I am right there to stop him.

I am feeling really anxious about this - and I haven't even tried to take them out walking on a road yet! Obviously my priority is to keep them safe but I just feel so sorry for them - being a twin seems to mean they miss out on stuff that singletons supervised by one parent can manage with ease. They obviously want and need to get out of the buggy and explore but I am finding the whole thin so stressful! Starting to feel really inadequate sometimes and wondering if the only way around this is to hire a mother's help to literally supervise one while I supervise the other in this sort of situation. We really can't afford to pay someone to do this - I am not working at the mo so money is pretty tight.

I also find playgroups difficult in terms of supervising both at once but at least there are other adults around and they are in an enclosed room...

If you have read all this, well done. If you have any practical tips, you will have my eternal gratitude.

bella xxxx. I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. Its things like this that really bring it home that children the same age is a tough call.

Twins do have to get used to sharing everything at a very young age. This is once of these instances that they might just have to learn to share. Even if they scream constantly, you might have to just close your ears to it and give them turns at walking with you to keep them safe and you sane. If you follow precisely the same routine, they may just get used to it. Even if you do walk them at the same time, they may still scream and you may still have to muddle through.

FWIW, my DTs were in the buggy almost constantly......I used to take my DD1 to the park and there was no way I could let them both out and watch that she was safe. The only way I could manage it without going bonkers was just to keep them in and let DD1 have a play. Eventually it got a little easier but they would still scream when it was time to go.

I'm never done saying to my DP, "its always one"....someone is always unhappy with me for some reason or other!!!!

I gave up playgroups because my motto is "if its more work than pleasure......." I went through a stage of only going somewhere if I knew I had a really good friend at the other end who would properly help and not just sit there whilst I turned into a wreck. In fact, I went through a stage where I tried to go out as little as possible because it was easier staying in!!!! It passes.

Mothers of twins are helpful!!!! I also have a very good friend who has one child (her DD and mine are friends). She was a great help and she didn't have any other children of her own to juggle and so helped me a lot. There are wonderful people to rely on.

Having paid help is only helpful if its not going to cripple you. For a short time I had a lady come in to help, 3 teatimes a week as my DP worked away all week and my parents work.....it was a godsend to have someone walk the twins round in a buggy whilst I did the school run and spent half an hour giving DD1 my one to one attention.

Maybe you could share twins sometimes at a weekend so that your DH took one swimming and you took one somewhere else?? That way, you might feel a bit better about the other times when they have to share.

Its hard sharing yourself. I missed being able to carry my wee one with me (something I had loved with my DD1) and I missed the closeness of holding that one child at times. It didn't seem so nice having to take a buggy always.

BUT, my DTs are 4.5 now and remarkable good at sharing. They take turns, they understand, I've worked hard at reminding all my children that it all works out in the end but we get different things at different times. Its just that with twins, that lesson starts really early.

Do come and vent on the D'y ever wonder.....threads. We know and we understand and, even if we are talking crap, we are always happy to help.

Thanks frumpygrumpy, it was really helpful to read that. Especially about your DTs being very good at sharing now they are a bit older - that really is a ray of hope!

Any more advice/tips, anyone?

You have to persevere with the sharing/taking turns route.

My twins are 4.4yrs..really too big for a buggy (size wise) but i take a single buggy with me when i go to town because you can't hold their hands and carry the shopping, so one goes in the buggy and the other walks...then they swap....in time they will learn to do this and the earlier they learn the less hassle later.

Perhaps playing with a certain toy/reading a book/having a snack or drink for the twin in the buggy would work, keeping them occupied etc.

Good Luck

thanks fairies - that is a good point about the long-term view, better they get used to it now, I suppose it's the same as they had to get used to waiting their turn for all sorts of things when they were babies. Don't know why but I suppose I had got it into my head that they would be able to have fun walking and exploring together, rather than haring off like loons wanting to do their own thing. Think I just need to adjust my expectations...

Anyway, thanks - definitely feel a bit less rubbish about it all today, even if it is frustrating!

I know money is an issue, but might it be possible to see if there is an english language course at a local college near you - likely to be au pairs there who may have some free time during the day (our friend's au pair used to do cleaning and ironing for others to earn a bit of extra money) even for an hour or two a week?

This phase will pass but I feel for your - another friend has 2 year old twin boys who are still a bit nuts and will sprint off in different directiosn!

I found wrist bands were better then reigns, as dts could move more freely, and further away from each other, so not too much clashing, I also had to have them on wrist bands until last september when they started nursery, as they too would run off in opposite directions, I would still carry the wrist bands to use as a threat if they started to run off, it seems to have worked and the bands get left at home now.

Try and see if home start have got a volunteer to walk to park with you or suss out local senior schools.
My daughter is doing duke of edinburgh and has to do 1 hour service a week. She has found this very hard at 14 to find anywhere that will take her. She would have been delighted to babywalk once weekly.
She has grown up with babypics videos an d birthing charts as I am a twin antenatal teacher.

galaxymummy, if your dd is anywhere near W14, I would love to have her come and do babywalking! That is a great suggestion - I don't think homestart will offer anything in our area (DH called them once but it was ages ago - worth me checking again) but I wouldn't have thought of asking at secondary schools so thanks for that. And crumpet, thanks for suggesting a language school/college - am sure we have quite a big one near here.

dilemma - hadn't thought of wristbands either, will definitely give them a try! What make were yours?

Dear Bella,
Would love to live in W14 but live in burbs of Reading.
Have you tried buying 2 big dogs( retrievers )and tying babies to them could be interesting
I feel a bella in the park utube moment coming on

I got my wristbands from boots, they were around £5 each.

Hi Bella, I know your pain. My dts are now 2 and I have one very good walker and one not so good (probably because he spends more time in the buggy for not being the good walker ).

I recently bought rucksack type reins. The straps on them can be looped over wrists and they have a grab handle on top which I thought might come in useful near to roads etc.

Today was first day back to school after school hols so I decided to trial life without a buggy. Well dt1 was fine as usual but dt2 who can't stand being in the buggy did not cope well with the reins or the walking. He spent much of the walking part of the day miserable and screaming. I'm hoping he'll get used to them soon as I to find it a nightmare. I don't want to take the buggy if not using it as have to travel on the bus to the school and carry ds3 at the same time.

I didn't realise walking the dts would be so different and so much harder to walking ds1/dd1 (19mths apart).

On a positive note, watching dt1 stop halfway up the hill and call back "come on dt2, I'm waiting for yoooooooooou" or if they see something of mutual interest the way they giggle/investigate/support each other is lovely, yours will get there.

piximon, the last part of your post made me . Hope dt2 gets used to the walking soon! Your post gives me a lot of hope because my DTs are only 6 months younger than yours so it gives me something to work towards, iyswim. And you're doing all that while carrying ds3 as well! Makes me feel much more hopeful, thanks.

Bellabelly,

Can you take them somewhere safe (ie a big, fenced in playground) and let them both off at the same time?

Also, do you have one who is a "good" walker, and one who is noticeably more wobbly/slower/more clumsy?

I have found that my "good" walker can motivate my other twin- he follows her, whereas if it's just him walking he will go in any direction (people tell me this is a boy thing .

Lastly, if you are anywhere near Hammersmith and want to practise walking with me in Ravenscourt park, just shout!

I think you are being too hard on yourself feeling that they are missing out. A little longer in the buggy really isn't going to hurt them.

Mine had to stay in the buggy until they were both confident walkers, or we did it at the weekends or with another pair of hands. I second breadandroses' idea of enclosed spaces, I did that a LOT!
I didn't dare let them out anywhere near roads, woods (they hide behind trees!), or water.

On the plus side thouygh, they've not been in a buggy now for 6 mnths, by 2.5 they were confident enough to walk properly (2 miles school run), egg each other on, and too bloody heavy for me to push them both! So whatever time they spent in the buggy when they were smaller, they've made up for now!

Another thing, I foudn the rins better with jsut one side hooked on or tied to the pram since two toddlers on very short leases and a pram jsut don't go together very well!

Another thoguth, what about Home Start? I'm sure they could help you out with a volunteer to help you with baby walking!

Well, thought I'd update - the twins did quite quickly get used to the idea of having to take turns so thanks to everyone who told me it'd get better if I stuck with it. And I have stopped beating myself up about the idea that they are missing out so good progress all round!

Breadandroses, yes I definitely have one "good walker" and one who is less good and is also a bit of a clown so falls down on purpose quite often as well as accidentally! Like you say, he tends to be much better following DT1 when DH is home at weekends and we have an extra pair of hands. I am very near to Hammersmith so it'd be lovely to practise in the park with you - always up for meeting other twin mums and haven't bumped into many round here! How old are your DTs?

Chopstheduck - that is really encouraging, 2.5 doesn't sound too long to wait (mine are 19m now) - what you said about the buggy getting far too heavy as they get older is (yet) another thing i've been worrying about. They are almost 4 stone between them now and then the buggy itself is pretty heavy. Not too grim when you're on level ground but already a nightmare taking them up and down steps (have stopped using the tube with them for this reason and relying on busses really limits where you can go. Is great to think that by this time next year we might be able to leave the buggy at home .

When mine first started to walk the twin reigns were a nightmare, exactly as you describe! Thinking back its quite funny but at the time i was nearly in tears.

I saved them for when they were 2 and i was traveling alone with them for safety in the airport and they worked ok in that area.

I also found play parks etc a nightmare with two. Ones climbing high on a slide and one is getting too close to someone swinging...which one do you save first?

So in the end i had to avoid them as it was too stressful. Twins clubs can be good if there is one near you. Playgroups as they shouldnt be able to get into too much trouble indoors.

I kept mine in the buggy til they were 2. Then they were constantly fighting. So i got rid of the buggy. Possibly this was too early but i just didnt really go anywhere.

Best bet is to sort your garden so that they can play safely there. Get new gate or new lock - whatever it takes. Mine used to play out for hours. Had a paved 'track' they used to trike up and down endlessly, a sandpit. - Fill it with plastic tat ie age appropriate slides etc they'll love it. And you will get some time to yourself!

Cheaper than paid help!