Another baby?

[walkie]

I am considering having another baby, after my twins (my only children) - they are 2 at the mo' but thinking of waiting a year or so. I'm not sure of my reasons - would appreciate some feedback.

I had horrible birth experience with dts, and unfortunately it was far from the happiest day of my life - prem dts scbu/me in ITU after PE. Also felt very very guilty as I wanted the breastfeed exclusively for 6mths but managed 6 weeks combo-feeding. I think I would like to have a bigger family, but also feel I would like to have a more pleasant experience, maybe a bit more time with a singleton, (I know there are know guaruntees - I am so lucky to have 2 healthy children). Would another baby help me with my feelings surrounding the twins birth or am I just being a selfish? We also have to consider the financial and logistical impact of three children! But then my attitude is, if you did that, you would never have any in the first place!

I'm the other way around and have single children but am considering 2 eggs rather than one for IVF which I just know will result in twins
All I can say is wait another year, that will make a massive difference in terms of how much rest you'll have and time with the baby.

You sound all sixes and sevens! xxx I had a singleton and then DTs. (Incidentally, I am considering another baby but the time isn't right).

You experience next time round will undoubtedly be different. You will be different.

FWIW, I had a horrid birth when I had my DD1. Then, with the DTs, it was really good. Hard, but good. It helped me deal with the previous experience. I found I kept going over and over the bad bits of DD1's birth for ages and ages and once I could do that without being angry/sad I realised I had released it and felt ready and strong to face doing it all over again.

In terms of breastfeeding, I fed my DD1 for 5 months and, like you, didn't manage even half as long with the DTs (largely due to lack of family support). I still regret it but I kind of feel that I did my best at the time and mothers always feel some sort of guilt!!!

Take your time. Just keep the thoughts going round in your head. Think of a windy beach 5 years from now. How many overly excited children do you want to see being whipped into a frenzy by the wind, with ice cream in their hair? (You will be sitting on your bum video-ing it btw)

Walkie I could write your post. My twins are two and their birth was truly horrendous - placenta praevia in pregnancy, massive bleeding, bed rest in hospital from 30 weeks and then an awful GA emergency section at 35 weeks as my 'reward' at the end. Truly an awful day! Then I got PTSD/PND and battled with combination feeding until they were 16 weeks. I feel I missed out on so much. I loved being pregnant and yet I spent it on a state of high alert, panic and increasingly ill.

I'd love another baby and although I'm frightened of going through anything like that again, I think another pregnancy would give me a certain amount of peace. My family doesn't feel complete and I'd LOVE to experience an easier ride the second time round. I'd love to feed babies that weren't premature and with no suck reflex. I'd love to have the pressure of just one baby to feed rather than the struggle of feeding two weak feeders for hour each time. There are no guarantees but I'd like to have an easier pregnancy, I'd like to see if I can have a VBAC rather than a hideous section with the 'lights out', and I'd like to see my babies being born. As I said, there are no guarantees but I can't imagine that ALL the things that went wrong before (and I really was very unlucky - just a domino effect of things going wrong...) would happen again. And even if they did I'd be better placed to deal with it. I wouldn't, for example, spend five weeks on a hospital bed waiting until I'd bled enough for them to give me a section. It did me more harm than good as I ended up half-mad with loneliness, anaemic, half starved (hospital food for five weeks, anyone?....) and generally not in the best shape to start a crashcourse in first time motherhood to premmie twins. I'm amazed I got through it.

So I empathise with your post. It's not straightforward for me to get pregnant but the aim is there. I think for my husband and I we made our decision based on how much we'd regret it in ten, fifteen, twenty years time. It's never going to be easy and three children is a big leap, but we know if we don't at least try we'll look back when we're fifty and be really sad we didn't give it a go. And if I we do get lucky, we know when we're fifty we'll look at our three children who are making us tear our hair out with frustration and feel nothing but gladness. I know if I have another baby there will be nights (and days) in the early newborn days when I'll probably look to the stars and think "WHAT HAVE I DONE?" but this won't last forever. And when the early horrors are over I'll have that moment on the beach, with icecream and the wind blowing that frumpygrumpy so eloquently describes.

See you on the beach perhaps?

Kx

have another baby, children are glorious and a better birth would certainly make you feel at peace. I feel for you and kits twins as the birth sounds ghastly.
I know what you mean about your family feeling incomplete, i have a 2 year old son and 11 wk old twins and i am already thinking about ways to talk my husband into having another one. When I mentioned it the other day he went wide eyed and said 'for f**ks sake can't you just enjoy our 3 lovely, healthy children? Are you never satisfied?'. He didn't say no though so i am hopeful.
How old are you if you don't mind me asking? Are you in any rush to have another?

Gosh, me too!! I think it's the idea that you want another stab at it, especially if you end up with a singleton! I would really like to see what it's like for 'normal' people!! Plus loads of my twin mummy friends are having their 3rd (or 4th for my triplet friend mummy!!) and I'm just sooooo jealous. The only reason I haven't done it yet is because my DH really isn't that keen. Will have to try to talk him round!!!

Thanks for all your posts - certainly a lot of food for thought!

I'm nearly 33, dh nearly 39. Not really in a huge rush, but probably would want dts to be no more than about 4 yrs old? Dh really worried about me getting ill again - I think he had it worse than me in a lot of ways as he watched all the intervention, and felt quite helpless. Also thinking about the likelyhood of more twins - I think we have about 1 in 16 chance of twins a second time round, which I think is pretty good odds!

Mine are nearly 5. boys. We did talk alot about having another, mainly as i would have liked a daughter. But at the time, i just didnt see how i would cope with another child and thought it would be best to wait until they went to school. But once you get past the baby/toddler stage, they are at school, out of nappies, can dress themselves etc I just couldnt go back to it all again. Plus no guarantee of girl could have been another 2 boys (no way!) so DH had the snip. Game over!

kits, that was a sweet thing to say xxx.

I've tried wanting another one (twins are two now) and can't get into the idea. I think I'm done.

Hi - I just had twin boys - they are 11 days old - and I had two singletons first - sons aged 5 and 3. We never intended to have four, but it just happened for us third time round, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I think twins after singletons is a shock to the system, but I imagine (and my friend who had this set up) a singleton after twins would be a walk in the park!

hi i have 21 month old twins boy and a girl. i had them 8 and half weeks early. they were in hos for 5 weeks they were very small i had to take clomid to have them. i am now going a head to have another one to make my family compled can any one tell me what the chances of fall preg with another set i whould not mind just wondering me and partner have twins on both sides

i think you are something like 4 times more likely to have twins iif you have already had them. That's purely anecdotal tho, no scientific mind am I. I live in a fairly small place and know of 3 people who have 2 sets of twins but then obvious;ly there are hundreds and thousands of people who have twins then a singleton. We have a 2 yr old son and 15 wk old twins. I would maybe like another and really wouldn't mind having anorher set of twins but i think it puts deep fear into my husband's heart at the thought of a family of 5 children.