Any advice for first time mum expecting twins?

[Nellycake]

Hi,

My SIL has just found out she's expecting IVF twins in August. She's a worrier by nature, so I wondered if anyone out there had any useful advice about what she can expect, any tips on coping with a twin pregnancy or anything else it might be useful and reassuring for her to know?

I have a 2.5 yr old DD so I can share my experiences with her, but wondered if there's anything specific to twin pregnancies that those of you in the know could share?

Bump - just found out a friend is expecting twins in the summer too so I'll be watching this thread.

Nellycake I am also a first time mum expecting twins. Tell your SIL to get on here and read lots. I was so reassured by reading stories of people who'd delivered naturally, breastfed etc. it really made me feel better in the first few weeks of knowing about the twins to read other peoples' experiences.

get friends and family to come over to make meals and help keep the house tidy.

When people come over, get them to make the drinks whilst your SIL sits and takes it easy.

My DTs are now 4 and my memory of being pregnant was that I was sick. A lot. You have double the hormones raging around in your system so I had all day sickness from 5 weeks until about 17 weeks when it finally petered out.

Whether she gets a natural birth or not will depend on her hospital/consultant/the position of the babies etc! Mine were both head down so I was able to deliver them naturally although they do recommend you get an epidural incase the second twin turns after the first one is out as there may need to be some manual manipulation in that instance!

My labour room was like Piccadilly Cirus, me, DH, two midwives, a doctor, a junior doctor and a paediatrician at the end so not exactly an intimate experience but fabulous nonetheless.

She will be doubly blessed and people will stop here eveyrwhere she goes!

Learning to tandem feed, be that breast or bottle is essential early, if one twin woke for a feed, I would feed the other one at the same time or else I would get no sleep whatsoever!

Will see if I can think of anything else.......

My advice is to have lots of help. The two issues with twins is that they can arrive early for no reason what so ever and you have higher chances of of having a c-section. Both of these issues can make coping quite hard not to mention the fact that you already have two babies and you are a first time mother. I won't even get into Post Natal depression (that is very real) and becomes worse with lack of support/sleep etc. Yes vaginal delivery is possible but remember the rate is only 50%. So one in 2 women have c-section. Its nature's coin flip.

Get organized while pregnant. There will be zero time in the first 3 months. Do not leave anything to be done after deliver. You wont remember yourself for a while

Do take it very easy. I can not stress this enough. Third trimester is very hard on your body. By 28 weeks I stopped going to work and worked from home for a bit. After 2 more weeks even sitting in a chair was uncomfortable. I delivered at 34 weeks despite all the rest and smooth pregnancy (water broke and went into labour). My rule was that if my back hurt, I would stop doing what I was doing. I also found pregnancy advances quite quickly compared to singletons. It can be shocking. In my 33rd week I needed a wheelchair to get to the doctor, the pressure was too much. I had not put on much weight, about 28 lbs. But that was because I lost my own body weight in the third trimester since I could not eat much.

If she ends up with a c-section (probability is much higher with twins) then expect to be feeling pretty weak for upto 8 weeks. Every one heals differently so she could feel better sooner or later than that. But yes the traditional 6 weeks can mean nothing for recovery after twins and c-section.

If she can afford it then get a maternity nurse for the nights while she recovers (6-8 weeks) Family is usually great to have around to do errands and cook food. Best arranged while pregnant.

Also statistically very few women manage to breast feed twins. She should not be disappointed if it does not feel right to her.

She is really lucky to have twins but it is hard work. Worth every thing!

Thanks for your comments and keep them coming!

I fully intend to get my SIL signed up to mumsnet asap - unfortunately, I only discovered it late in my own pregnancy, but have visited regularly since then.

I had to have an emergency c-section so I'm well aware of how difficult it is to recover!

anjlix I was interested to see that you found the last trimester so draining. I had a singleton pregnancy and I have to say, I felt fabulous in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters. My SIL is a reception teacher and is hoping to work up until the summer holidays if she can, but the babies are due mid-August so now I'm not sure if she'll manage it.

Is this generally the case for twin pregnancies?

My midwife advised me to work no later than 28 weeks, so that's when I'm finishing. I'm now 23 weeks and believe me, 28 is not a moment too soon. I'm already big and heavy and slow and finding work exhausting. There's also the fact that they might come very early to consider.

Unfortunately, I did not have a great pregnancy with my DT's from day one. I was sick all day every day right through, couldn't sleep, and by 5 months was so huge I could barely walk!! I had several months of physio for displaced hips too! It all sounds a bit bleak, but looking back, I know I would have coped so much better, if I had finished work earlier and rested more during the later stages of my pregnancy. I had emergency section at 33 weeks, and had only finished work (signed off sick)one week earlier. I too was advised to finish at 28 weeks, but was determined to work on. Not a good idea!

I spent so long thinking my dts would arrive early that I didn't do any research on if they didn't, I was induced at 39wks, but with hindsight could have left them safely in a while longer to see if they came around to the idea of freedom.

Tell her to buy a good feeding cushion so she can feed them together, much easier when tiny, and so nice to snuggle them close.

I didn't get morning sickness too bad, I suffered awfully with heartburn and gaviscon became my best friend.

I kept mine together in a moses basket at first (had already) then they shared a cot for quite some time.

She should fill her freezer with home made ready meals so she can get something healthy but quick to eat, it's so hard to find time for anything much early on. Guests should help as much as they can so she can rest esp if bfing.

Fabulous news!! Twins are great, I have a 5 year old girl and 11 month old twin girls and this would be my advice based on my experience :

1. I was MASSIVE by 5 months and gave up work at 28 weeks because I needed the rest. This also made the last bit of my pregnancy enjoyable because I just chilled out. (My girls were delivered at 32 weeks but they are identical twins and shared a placenta so not the same as your SIL). My 5 year old daughter is in Reception and I would imagine teaching that age is very, very physically and mentally draining and I know I certainly wouldn't have been able to do it much beyond 28 weeks.

1. Get the babies into a strict feeding routine as soon as possible. I had a singleton that was demand fed and it was so much more difficult than routine fed twins. For the first 3 months the twins were fed for 15 minutes each time and 15 minutes apart every 3 hours so Baby 1 7am-7.15am Baby 2 7.15am-7.30am. Baby 1 10am-10.15am Baby 2 10.15am-10.30am etc. She shouldn't feed inbetween the 3 hour slots otherwise she'll make a rod for her own back so dummies were a God send in the early days to pacify them if they got hungry too soon. (I sound awfully strict but trust me it really worked for me, they got used to it very quickly and they were off the dummies by 6 months).

1. For the first 6 months mine slept in one cot. Feet to foot each end with a cot divider in the middle.

1. Unbelieveably enough they don't wake each other up when they cry!?! That was my biggest fear before I had them, each time one woke crying I thought it would it wake the other and all hell would break loose but fortunately it has never happened. One baby can scream blue murder and the other one sleeps like a baby although its only 1 foot away.

1. Every single time she goes out she will be stopped by complete strangers to admire her twins. This very rarely happened with my singleton but happens every time I am with the twins. I quite enjoy it but some people might find it a bit intrusive.

1. Stock up on frozen meals. She'll need a massive freezer (or 2) and fill them up with frozen meals because she'll need them.

1. Do online grocery shopping thats delivered to your home - it takes ages to load up your initial order but then just save it and e-mail it through as often as needed and that only takes a minute. Load up the initial list before they are born so its ready to go whenever needed.

1. Before she buys anything always ask the multiple mums here on mumsnet what works best and for what reasons because they've been there, done it and have practical experience i.e. carrycots/ pushchairs/feeding cushions/cots etc. I LOVE my urban double mountain buggy and wouldn't change it for anything else but I had bought 2 other rubbish twin buggies before seeking advice from mumsnet multiple mums.

She will have great fun, its sometimes difficult but overall its great having twins.

x

I agree with everything that Opinions has said. Make sure your SIL takes as much as is offered, even if it's an hour or so in an afternoon just to go upstairs and take a bath or a nap. I never did this enough in the early months, and really suffered for it. I was beyond exhaustion. Once I relaxed a bit, and learned to accept help so I could take a break, life was much easier. It is hard work, but tell her to ask for help when she needs it, Even having someone come round and help with a bit of housework is a good thing.
My MIL did my laundry several times a week for me, which meant I could relax and enjoy my babies instead of worrying about all the other jobs I had to do round the house.

My DP used to offer to get up with DT's in the mornings while I had a lie in. I refused for long enough, feeling I should do it, but again, exhaustion got the better of me. It made such a difference, just to have a few more hours sleep before facing the busy day ahead!

This is great stuff, thanks so much x

Hi all,
I'm also expecting twins, non-identicals in June. I've found reading your posts very helpful and informative. Thanks for the help.

You know Nellycake I have heard singleton moms say that it was easier being pregnant than take care of a baby. In my case I can say that twins is bloody hard work but far better outside than inside! Most mums/docs I have spoken to believe that twins do take a larger toll on your body compared to a single baby. Also the c-section incision is much bigger contributing to longer recovery. Some lucky women are able to take them to term which is great postnatally because you dont have to worry about preemie issues. But it is no cake walk for them either. Ask then how they really felt the last 15 days before delivery...Most people end up with selective amnesia.

I think I had found the wait really hard. I was so uncomfy at 32 weeks, even the thought that I had 5 more weeks to term sent me into panic. If I had known I had only 2 weeks then may be would have been not so horrified. But then can you really know?

I had done most of my twin shopping for upto 6 months before week 24. Anything that I forgot my dh or Tesco online delivered. There is no chance of going out for full blown grocery shopping for 2-3 months afterwards. And then if Tesco delivers for £4, it was worth it for me. I don't know how people survived before online shopping. I did not need a massive freezer, just weekly deliveries.

The mantra is I will ask for help from people who can help me.
There are mums who have naturally delivered at 40 weeks two 8lb babies w/o pain meds and then looked after twins and a toddler with one had tied behind there back. You don't have to compete with them. There are no prizes. Just cheer for them and make your own arrangement.

I second everything everyone has said. Also wanted to say I had an easy pregnancy so everyone's experience is different - no sickness, no complications. Stopped (going into) work about 32 weeks and had a planned c-section at 38 weeks.

I think being prepared for not exclusively breastfeeding would have really helped me. I was distraught that I couldn't manage and really felt I'd let my babes down. I expressed for a while, but eventually my milk stopped. Needless to say they are now very healthy and active 2 year olds, but it really spoilt my first month with them. I had no bottles in the house and no formula. It took ages for my milk to come in and my daughter was losing weight rapidly, but the midwives still made me feel awful in hospital because I asked for advice about formula and they said they couldn't discuss it with me at all and it had to be my decision (which I know is standard policy and do agree with on one level) - I felt really guilty and out of my depth. So I am now a big advocate of mixed feeding and doing whatever you can manage. I'll get off the podium now - this is just something that I wish I had been prepared for.

Other thing I found helpful was having nappy changing stuff/spare clothes/ changing table upstairs and downstairs so didn't have to take them upstairs to change in the day.

Routine is vital and as someone else said works really well. My friends with single babies were always amazed that when we went to lunch those of us with twins had them aleep in the pushchair for a couple of hours whilst we ate whereas they were jiggling them up and down, feeding, panicking they were tired and wouldn't sleep . And from 6 weeks I put them down to bed in their room upstairs at 6.30pm. I did it as an experiment fully expecting to be running up and down stairs all night, but it worked. I read some sleep books whilst pregnant (no cry sleep solutions etc) and was always consistent with suggestions and they've always slept really well.

Oh and almost the only mums I know to consistently use dummies are those with twins. Again, I was v anti (amazing how much you think you know before you have babies ), but they are amazing for self soothing (pop one in while you feed the other).

But good luck all. Having twins is great. They are now playing happily in the garden giving me time to mumsnet! (Oh and before anyone reports me to social services
I'm not in England at the moment and haven't kicked them outside at 8.45pm to play in the freezing cold).

Well, as a twin myself, (and I know this isn't anything helpful to do with pregnancy or childcare) I would say do not give them similar names (e.g. starting with same initial or rhyming). As a Heather with a twin sister called Hilary, you can take it from me it is not advisable!

Mum of 5 year old twins - I have twin girls and a son of 11. Apart from all the things that have already been said - most of which I would totally agree with, the other thing is to be really optimistic. I have twin girls and a son of 11 years and I work full time as a social worker as well as having two horses and a range of excellent friends with whom I enjoy regular nights in and out. I also have a wonderful husband who supports me and cares for the children and deals with the house as much as me. Our lifestyle is like the carosel at terminal 4 and I am lucky that I am a bit manic or I think I would have blown a fuse by now.
Worst times I found was the lack of sleep because you are doubling up on everything. Second worst time was when they get sick - one projectile vomiting baby is one things but two with gastroenteritis is another. Having got through the first stage of baby care, the second stage when they were mobile was difficult because they dont stay where you put them and again one in the pot of face cream is ok but one in the face cream and the other in the dog food is not good!
Mine love each other with passion but separating them is an issue - I had to take one to the hospital recently and the other pined like hell. I chose to let mine decide if they want some time out from the other and even then they whinge about where their sister is an is she alright, only after about 5 mins.

Enjoy!

Rodders, the trouble is when they get mobile, they will always go off in different directions!

Absolutely SoMuch........when mine had outgrown the carry car seats and where in the bigger ones, I had to take both out to car one in each arm, then put one on the ground and put my foot (lightly) on said child whilst I strapped the other in!

Pregnancies are so different..... Mine was easy-peasy (I know, horrible moi ), no morning sickness, no complications. Apart from the terrible bout of permanent tiredness around the third month, it was a smooth sailing. My last day at work was Thursday and the boys were born on following Tuesday by EC at 37 weeks.
Fantastic care, great consultant - Dr. Duncan at Chelsea and Westminster, absolutely magical, calm and happy birth! Boys perfectly healthy, left the hosptital on the 4th day. Recovery was really so easy, was walking on the evening of the birth, took the painkillers when given and did not feel pain at all. Breastfed the boys at once. Yeee.... Was cruising Sainsbury's for all the edible yummies forbidden during pregnancy on 6th day...

On different note, the thing that gets me so angry is the much discussed bonding 'theory': that you will not bond with your baby if you are horrid enough to choose the EC. Absolute ignorant tosh, pathetic and misinformed blabber of idiots, to put it mildly !
To have a healthy child IS THE OBJECTIVE of this whole exercise and it doesn't matter which way the child is born. (Sorry for getting a tad hysterical here, but it REALLY gets me going). End of rant .

Managed to get away without any stretch marks and loose twin skin as well, was back in my jeans about 4 weeks after the birth. .
The worst bit of the whole pregnancy was my
sudden obsession with Google, think I became an 'expert' on all things that could have possibly gone wrong. Drove DH to the brink of desperation and madness.... ...

Having twins is such a blessing, the very best thing ever. Tell your SIL to stop worrying, get as much rest as she can, eat healthyly and keep away from Google! Tell her to listen to her consultant, to ask all the questions she needs because the doctor really has her best interest at heart and is there to make sure her babies will be born in the best possible way, whether it is the natural birth or Csection. Good luck!

Tell her that breastfeeding is definitely possible, get some help and advice, find twin Mums in her area, join her local twins club, go and visit the twins club whilst pregnant so she can meet everyone, find it, etc. It's so much more difficult to do all of this when you've got 2 small babies in tow!

Tell her to rest lots, keep an open mind about the birth but try for a natural if its possible, and be prepared not to do anything but look after the babies for the 1st few weeks after birth, get everyone who asks if they can help to cook, wash up, clean house etc!! Her job is to be a Mummy to her babies.

Thanks everyone