Do you know anyone who would buy only one twin a Christening present?

[evansg01]

I can't sleep and thought I would ask you lovely ladies for your opinion. I am wondering if I'm surrounded by very thoughtful family and friends or is the world full of thoughtless people and I'm just very lucky not to know them.

My problem is I've just had a tiff with my sister-in-law and her husband. I have produced the first two grandchildren in my husbands family and we had them Christened. I asked his sister and husband to be godparents to our son and his only other sister to be a Godmother to our daughter. I felt a little guilty asking my husbands immediate family who live in Bristol (where we also live) to go to Scotland for the Christening. But they managed to fly up and back in the day. A few months ago I invited all my husbands family - parents sisters aunts uncles cousins etc round for a buffet and drinks so they could all meet the new arrivals rather than invite them to a Christening they couldn't make.

The Christening was a great success and we were overwhelmed with the guests generosity with everyone giving the babies a present each. But today my husbands sister and husband came round with a present for their Godson. I immediately asked where was my daughters present and was met with blank stares and the response that as Godparents they thought they just needed to buy for their Godson. I pointed out that she was the Aunt to both children and I would have expected her to have bought each child a gift. The sister in-law got very upset saying she didn't know she had made a mistake! Her husband made a bigger mistake of mentioning the cost of travelling to the Christening and buying two presents etc. This was a red rag to a bull as we spent a fortune sending my husband to attend their wedding in Turkey when the twins were only 5 weeks old. My husbands family are odd and not good at giving to others but I never thought I would have to point out to an Aunt that giving only one child a gift was completely thoughtless.

I mentioned the problem to a couple of people and they said they would just have accepted the gift and bitched about her behind her back and would never have confronted them. Over the past 5 years I've kept my mouth shut when my inlaws have done some bizarre thoughtless acts but I've decided that if they were directed at my children they would be left in no doubt that I find their actions offensive. We are out for dinner with the sister and her husband on Friday so I'm sure this will be water under the bridge.

I was wondering if there are lots of thoughtless sister-in-laws/people out there or are they thankfully few and far between. Or is it me, am I in the wrong for believing what they did was thoughtless and for pointing it out

Comments good or bad gratefully received.

You can't ask someone to be a Godparent to one child and expect them to not treat that child differently from his/her siblings. Godparents are supposed to have a special relationship with their Godchild, its not supposed to be the same as their relationship with other children. Being twins has nothing to do with it. I like it when my children are made to feel special by their Godparents. I don't see it as the others being excluded from something. If someone had told me that they 'expected' a gift for both their children under any circumstances I would be horrified. If they are so odd, in your opinion, why on earth to you ask them to be Godparents?

I would have bought a present for both twins but a slightly smaller one for the one who wasn't my Godchild.

You'll find that these things even themselves out over time - one twin will get something and the other won't then the situation will reverse itself (speaking as a non-twin here).

Can I ask if your daughter's Godparent bought both babies a gift?

How rude are you? Is that why you got them christened - so they would get presents? I am shocked that this is how you think. Just be very grateful for the present that they kindly got.

Materialism like this really leaves a nasty taste in my mouth and is a pet hate of mine. This seems to be one of the reason why people get married so they can have a wedding list and get loads of presents!

Blimey, I would never have the audacity (sp) to ask where other twins present was, neither would I expect one.

And I feel so sorry for your sister-in-law, what an awful situation for her to have been in.

I am currently looking up what the appropriate thing to do is in this situation as I've been asked to be godmother to one of my sisters twin girls and I too was unsure what the correct rule of thumb was in terms of presents for both or just your own god child. Initially I bought a christening bracelet for my god child and the sales lady didn't seem to blink either when we were discussing the event.. but when I got home my children's dad told me I should of bought braclets for both twins but in my head I was not trying to leave the other twin out.. I just presumed that I got something special for my god child to keep and the other godmother chosen would get something for her god daughter.. so I started reaserching what the " right thing to do is " and that's how I came across your post. Tbh.. if I gave this wee silver bracelet to my sister for her daughter and she turned around and said " where is my other daughters gift " I would be mortified. It certainly doesn't sound to me that they were thoughtless and I can say that because I'm actually putting alot of thought into my own situation and wanted to make my god child own something she could keep and make her feel loved and special by ME, her Godmother. !! So after MUCH debate and Thought on this I have decided to get something small for my other niece or get her a bracelet too but get my god daughter a charm on hers so hers stands out that bit more. At end of the day I'm trying to show strong love for my godchild through a gift.. and I'm presuming the other godparent will do the same for her god daughter. I think you were incredibly rude. Its incredibly Tacky to ask for presents in ANY situation.. even on birthdays so please PLEASE I hope now time has passed that you have learnt from this. Please don't bring your children up to care so much about material things. It really bothered me and made me sad for your children that on your reply thanking everyone that you said when they grow up and ask what they got that you would say Nothing. I would personally reprase that in a way that won't hurt your child. You should explain that the fact you chose two different people to be godparents that one bought for your brother and one bought for you. etc etc etc.. but the fact your so easily saying you woupd say " nothing " shows me alot about your mindset. Your children can grow up to be amazing people but if you put too much emphasis on the wrong things then you are helping them to focus on the wrong things. So I'm very sorry to say but in my opinion not only do you come across as incredibly rude and materialistic but narcissistic too and I just feel sad for the children being taught important morals by someone who values moitary items more than people's feelings.

They're both your nieces. You're basic ally implying you love your god daughter more than her sister who's just some relative of your special GD. Niece trumps that so surely you text them the same.
I have twins, if we get them christened I'll split GP duties between my sisters and best friend, I wouldn't expect them to then basically cast the other twin asidr

YABU. We had 3 godparents per twin, and each one of them only got a gift for "their" twin (although one also got a craft magazine for my eldest). I suppose it's a bit more complicated when the godparent is also a relative, but if you ask someone to be a godparent you WANT them to treat their godchild as special.

Also, if the twins are small they won't care at all about who got what! So it's purely about how you feel. You are being grasping, and embarassingly so in my book.

I think you are the rude one. You should apologise.

It is not necessary for anyone to buy a gift. It is a generous bonus.
Buying a gift for their Godson's Christening was very kind.
You only had to say thank you and also thank them for being the Godparents.
A kiss, a card and hello hug would be enough of a gift for any niece being Christened. The fact that family celebrate and congratulate and show up is enough.

You were extra rude for asking to see another gift, then challenging them on lack of said gift and then for pointing out the trip for their wedding, that you chose to attend.

I've just had my twins christened and all 6 godparents bought one present for their actual godchild, lots did a joint card. The presents were v generous and id have been mortified if they felt they then had to double it! Some combined with the recent birthday too. Also more than fine!!! Chill

I don't have twins but we recently had our two children baptised at the same time. My cousins are godparents to our daughter and they bought a present just for her in their capacity as godparents. I was a little surprised, especially as they were the only guests to do this, but it didn't bother me at all because not everyone buys gifts for the child/ten on this occasion and in some circles it is traditional for just the godparents to buy gifts. There is no bad feeling between my and my cousins so it just isn't an issue, I just noted they have a different approach to these things. I think you should give them the benefit of the doubt and let it go 🙂