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Original poster

Do you know anyone who would buy only one twin a Christening present?

61 replies

evansg01 · 20/11/2008 03:48

I can't sleep and thought I would ask you lovely ladies for your opinion. I am wondering if I'm surrounded by very thoughtful family and friends or is the world full of thoughtless people and I'm just very lucky not to know them.

My problem is I've just had a tiff with my sister-in-law and her husband. I have produced the first two grandchildren in my husbands family and we had them Christened. I asked his sister and husband to be godparents to our son and his only other sister to be a Godmother to our daughter. I felt a little guilty asking my husbands immediate family who live in Bristol (where we also live) to go to Scotland for the Christening. But they managed to fly up and back in the day. A few months ago I invited all my husbands family - parents sisters aunts uncles cousins etc round for a buffet and drinks so they could all meet the new arrivals rather than invite them to a Christening they couldn't make.

The Christening was a great success and we were overwhelmed with the guests generosity with everyone giving the babies a present each. But today my husbands sister and husband came round with a present for their Godson. I immediately asked where was my daughters present and was met with blank stares and the response that as Godparents they thought they just needed to buy for their Godson. I pointed out that she was the Aunt to both children and I would have expected her to have bought each child a gift. The sister in-law got very upset saying she didn't know she had made a mistake! Her husband made a bigger mistake of mentioning the cost of travelling to the Christening and buying two presents etc. This was a red rag to a bull as we spent a fortune sending my husband to attend their wedding in Turkey when the twins were only 5 weeks old. My husbands family are odd and not good at giving to others but I never thought I would have to point out to an Aunt that giving only one child a gift was completely thoughtless.

I mentioned the problem to a couple of people and they said they would just have accepted the gift and bitched about her behind her back and would never have confronted them. Over the past 5 years I've kept my mouth shut when my inlaws have done some bizarre thoughtless acts but I've decided that if they were directed at my children they would be left in no doubt that I find their actions offensive. We are out for dinner with the sister and her husband on Friday so I'm sure this will be water under the bridge.

I was wondering if there are lots of thoughtless sister-in-laws/people out there or are they thankfully few and far between. Or is it me, am I in the wrong for believing what they did was thoughtless and for pointing it out

Comments good or bad gratefully received.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 20/11/2008 09:32
pickie · 20/11/2008 10:07

I have been trying to type something constructive for the last 10 minutes but simply cant believe how you have handled it!

What does your DH think of your behaviour?

I personally think you should apologise and quickly too, you were very out of order.

Original poster
evansg01 · 20/11/2008 10:16

Thank you ladeies for your very honest answers. I can see where I have gone wrong I should have asked everyone to be Godparents to both babies. I'm a twin myself and we both had different Godparents. But as a twin I know the day will come when they ask about their presents and my girl will say what did I get from my aunt and I'll say nothing. I would have expected her aunt to have gotten her a token present.

OP posts:
Original poster
evansg01 · 20/11/2008 10:16

Thank you ladeies for your very honest answers. I can see where I have gone wrong I should have asked everyone to be Godparents to both babies. I'm a twin myself and we both had different Godparents. But as a twin I know the day will come when they ask about their presents and my girl will say what did I get from my aunt and I'll say nothing. I would have expected her aunt to have gotten her a token present.

OP posts:
Original poster
evansg01 · 20/11/2008 10:16

Thank you ladeies for your very honest answers. I can see where I have gone wrong I should have asked everyone to be Godparents to both babies. I'm a twin myself and we both had different Godparents. But as a twin I know the day will come when they ask about their presents and my girl will say what did I get from my aunt and I'll say nothing. I would have expected her aunt to have gotten her a token present.

OP posts:
Original poster
evansg01 · 20/11/2008 10:16

Thank you ladeies for your very honest answers. I can see where I have gone wrong I should have asked everyone to be Godparents to both babies. I'm a twin myself and we both had different Godparents. But as a twin I know the day will come when they ask about their presents and my girl will say what did I get from my aunt and I'll say nothing. I would have expected her aunt to have gotten her a token present.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 20/11/2008 10:18

evans I mean this in the nicest way, but that is nonsense, and you must know it. Have you ever said to your mother "Oooh I see that my twin got x from her godmother for her christening, what did she get ME?"

Marne · 20/11/2008 10:20

Hi, i was god parent to my friends boy a few weeks ago, his brother was being christened the same day, i onlt bought for my god child as i thought that was the done thing? The other child didn't suffer as he has presents from his god parents.

LouMacca · 20/11/2008 10:21

We have twins and when we had them christened at 6 months old we asked that the Godparents only buy a small token present for the child that they were godparent to. There is absolutely no way I would expect a present for both children especially as only 6 months before they had bought lovely gifts when they were born.

We asked that all the other guest donate to charity. We raised £750 for Francis House, a local childrens hospital. I think its such a shame that we live in such a materialisic world.

Chirpygirl · 20/11/2008 10:22

evans, that isn't justa twin thing, it's a normal sibling 'why should they get more than me' thing. Is part of life, sometimes it doesn't seem fair.

pickie · 20/11/2008 10:23

well done LouMacca, what a brilliant idea!

ClaireDeLoon · 20/11/2008 10:28

But it was a christening present, not a birthday or Christmas present. So they bought a gift for their godchild. They haven't said 'we aren't going to buy the other twin a present ever' have they?

And as for your dd asking what presents they got at their christening - I think that is a bit silly. Who does that? Yes you have presents from godparents - traditional things like silver baby bangle etc but you don't expect to see a list of what other little things you got.

TsarChasm · 20/11/2008 10:29

The whole thing about presents is that you graciously accept what you have (or have not) been given.

Good lord my dc have a story about it which we read sometimes to remind us of that.

My dt's don't always get the same as each other. It goes on through life. They don't get invited to the same parties, one might get harder homework than the other etc. It's how it goes.

But then from my experience twins like to be seen as individuals, so not getting the same comes with that idea and they accept it.

Tinkerisdead · 20/11/2008 10:36

I think you were unreasonable in challenging it and asking for a present but i dont think its unreasonable to expect the aunt to have bought them both something. As godmother i would expect her to buy something different perhaps for the Godchild.
We have 3 godchildren between DH and I.
His godchild is his niece, he always says that he thinks of her as his niece not his godchild, if she were to have siblings (never mind twins) then we would treat them equally. if it was the christening of two children, i would buy a more expensive gift for our godchild but certainly a present for the other one.
i dont think the issue is about godparents to be honest, as an aunt, i would buy for both children on the event of their christening.

Podrick · 20/11/2008 10:37

TBH you seem unusually and unecessarily hung up on who gave what to whom.

I see no problems here in the behaviour of the godparents but I think that you have felt hurt and retaliated by being rude to them. I think there is more to the whole situation than you have described - either some kind of emotional trauma in your own childhood or stress overload or maybe both.

It is highly unlikely that your twins will ever view this as a slight but if you alienate their godparents for no good reason then you will have done the twins a dis-service. I am glad you posted here, hopefully you will find some new perspective and I feel sorry for your hurt feelings.

savoycabbage · 20/11/2008 11:11

I am gobsmacked at OP's response. Your children are going to grow up with a very bitter outlook on the world if this is how you are going to carry on.

ohIdoliketobebesidethe · 20/11/2008 11:17

This is why our kids don't have godparents. Ime some will get pressies for just their godchild and some for all the siblings. It is bound to breed resentment.

docket · 20/11/2008 11:31

good grief. i think you've been incredibly rude and need to apologise.

MinkyBorage · 20/11/2008 11:36

omg, how rude! I can't believe you actually complained that they hadn't brought enough presents! shock]
you definitely need to apologise. I think you might be mad!

Dropdeadfred · 20/11/2008 11:36

your dd will only ever ask about presents from her childhood if you bring her up to be grasping and greedy and materialistic....your example is spot on so far...

ForeverOptimistic · 20/11/2008 11:43

Oh my goodness!

They are babies they don't know what presents they have been given. Why on earth would they discuss who got what stainless silver tooth box in years to come?

You need to chill. You may unwittingly encourage competiveness between your twins if you are not careful.

You sound really stressed tbh, do you have enough support at the moment?

tissy · 20/11/2008 11:45

If you live in Bristol, why did you have Christening in Scotland?

The whole point of a Christening is to welcome the person, be it baby, child or adult into the Christian family, and that includes the regular worshippers at the Church you attend. All those present (not just the godparents who have a special role) welcome the individual into the Church, and undertake to support him or her.

I find it rather odd that you would arrange a Christening that the bulk of your husband's family couldn't get to.

Neenztwinz · 28/11/2008 13:49

Evans, I don't think you were unreasonable to expect a pressie for each twin, but maybe the way you went about it was a bit .

When I go to a christening, I buy a gift for the baby, even tho I am not its godparent. If I went to a twins' christening, I would buy a gift for both babies, whether I was godparent to one or both or neither.

If I was an aunt I would definitely buy for both babies! But I don't think your SIL was being a cow, I think she probably just didn't think, and as she is just one DT's godparent, you can and should expect her to have a slightly 'special' relationship with that DT, after all she is the godparent, which means she is responsible for the christian upbringing of the child.

I don;t think they should have mentioned the cost of going to Scotland but perhaps they were just a bit shocked at you being so forthright. I would apologise to her. Hope it works out ok!

katedan · 28/11/2008 20:05

I think secretly I would have been surprised that they only bought for one twin. But I would never say anyhting to their face and I think you were very rude to your SIL. FRom your post she sounded really upset that she had done the "wrong" thing.I don't think it was very christan of you!!!

When my DS was christened I was really surprised that guests brought presents especailly as they had all brought gifts when he was born. I was more prepared when DT's were christed they habe the same godparents who brought them a gift and apart from granparents who did not stick to my "rule" I had a no present rule.

lindseyfox · 22/12/2008 16:19

i think you are right to be annoyed as they are not only the godparents to one child but aunt/uncle to them both so should have brought a gift for both even if a small present for the one whose not their god child.

my 2 aunties are my godmothers and have never treated me any different to my 2 sisters and 5 brothers other than my birthday card used to say god daughter.