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14 month old twin having tantrums

3 replies

kristatwin · 12/11/2008 19:31

My ds is 14 month and is having about 3 tantrums a day, he will be playing and anything seems to set him off, he starts screaming at the top of his voice and crying uncotralbley.

I have tried telling him that when he has stopped crying that mummy will pick him up, but it just seems to make him worse, i think he might be to young to understand yet, he has a twin sister, who i feel is getting neglected due to his outbursts, what is the best way to handle these outbursts !!

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OptimistS · 12/11/2008 21:22

You are not alone! My DT girl had her first tantrum at 11 months. I didn't think kids could get them that young, and at first I thought something was seriously wrong with her! Scared me stupid, and then I realised it was just pure temper. She went through a phase that lasted for about 6 weeks where she would have about 4 days a week where she would have tantrums and in that day she could have as many as 5 or 6 episodes. She is now 22 months and now has them very rarely, though still more than her twin brother, who has never actually had one yet!!!

I found that it is nearly always due to frustration. Very understandable if you've got a bright child with lots of get up and go but who lacks the mental development to understand what it is they want, let alone the ability to express it before the frustration bubbles over into rage. You know your DS better than anyone, so my first advice would be to watch him closely and try to identify cues that he is about to have a tantrum. It's actually a lot easier than you think. If you can spot the signs before it happens, you can head it off through distraction. If you can't, though, don't worry. Don't forget that frustration is a big part in how children learn and develop problem-solving skills.

With my DD, if I can't prevent the tantrum I can sometimes calm her down very quickly by just picking her up and cuddling her. I don't say anything, just cuddle quite firmly. If that doesn't work and she's really going for it, I just make sure she's safe and ignore her tantrum but not her. I don't tend to tell her off as I feel that this could send two wrong messages - one, that it's not ok to get frustrated (which is stupid, because frustration happens to all of us, it's just a case of how you express it, and at 1 or 2, a child is incapable of expressing it any other way), two, I don't want to accidentally reward bad behaviour by giving a tantrum too much attention, and a telling off is attention, albeit negative. I just completely ignore the tantrum and treat her as if she was behaving perfectly ok. For example, if we were playing a game and she had a tantrum, I would carry on playing with her brother and occasionally look at her and invite her to play. I don't cajole or make too much effort though as this can be giving too much attention. I found this 'pretending it isn't happening' approach to be far more effective than ignoring her completely, which I find escalates things even more. By behaving completely normally, I think what has happened is that she has learned that tantrums don't have an effect - any effect. Ignoring her is an effect, even if it's an undesirable one. That said, one the one or two occasions where she has gone off on one to such an extent that I have been scared she will hurt her brother, the dog or herself (or me for that matter, lol), I have resorted to putting her in the playpen til she calmed down. The play pen has not been needed for 6 months now and has been put away.

Hope this doesn't sound too preachy. Just telling you what worked for me. Also ahng on to the fact that this is a phase, and it will pass. Best of luck.

kathryn2804 · 12/11/2008 23:30

14 mths is when it all starts to kick off. The thing that worked best for us was to put him somewhere safe and move other twin out of the way, and let him get it out of his system. then when he had calmed down a bit to have lots of cuddles. You defintely have to ignore the tantruming and reward the calming down. it will work quite quickly if you stick to it and don't ever let him have his own way or you will be back to square one!! I feel for you, it is a really hard stage. Harder than when they were little, our twins club decided!!

kristatwin · 13/11/2008 13:28

Thanks for your advice, i will put this into practice, i try and let him have his tantrum and then cuddle him, but sometimes he is crying so bad, that i have to pick him up, am i just best leaving him to cry it out !!

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