looking after twins and a toddler using one arm

[jennyroper]

does anyone know of a Mum or Dad with a paralysed arm who has a few children? my right arm is paralysed and am 29 weeks pregnant with twins. My little boy is 2 so it will be a bit of a challenge at times grappling with all of their limbs versus the reduced number of my own.
I just wondered if anyone has any top tips. Have bought a podee bottle for feeding them (am not the greatest breastfeeder in the world) and I remember using a nature's baby sling a lot with my son til he was 3 months old and too heavy in it.
My mind boggles slightly when I consider getting all of them in and out of the car, up the 16 steps to our front door and all that sort of thing

Mmmm, this is one I haven't thought about before......... I'm going to link this in to our daily thread and see if anyone of the girls there have any thoughts.

Why is your arm paralysed btw? Has it always been? Will it always be? Sorry to hear it, everything must be a challenge. I remember when I broke my right arm, I was in much agony but had strong painkillers from the hospital..........couldn't get the bloody secure top off them with only one working arm. At least I only had 6 weeks......

it's a brachial plexus injury from a motorbike accident 8 years ago. The nerves that feed my arm were ripped from my spine. I have some very limited movement in my hand, it will always be paralysed. Everything's not too much of a challenge to be honest, I have no idea what it's like to look after a baby with 2 arms so it's no big deal really.
I was probably more worried before the birth of my son about how I would cope as everyone just assumed I wouldn't manage without some kind of nanny/homehelp. But I was fine. A bit nervous to begin with but who isn't?!
thanks for linking it. Anyone with lots of babies and using 1 arm will be able to give me some top tips I hope.

I think anyone with a 2yr old and twins would welcome some help, is it possible for you to get an au pair for the first few months until you have a routine etc?

16 steps as well you cerrtainly like a challenge dont you?

this is our multiples daily chat thread jump on in any time, we get busy so you need to keep talking and shout if necessary We have all walks of life in there and we are a little left of the middle friendly bunch. Try to bring wine, we all love to talk mince after a small glass of vimto give up our seats for people bearing gifts. Personally, I'll save you the recliner because I am so impressed by your hardcore rock & roll motorbike accident. I mean, if I had to lose the use of one arm, I'd be so proud it was from a motorbike accident than it got caught in the machinery of a pants factory Wild apologies if that is bad taste.

Come over to the multiples my love.....they are all barking mad great girls.

Whatever they tell you about me, unless its good, is just out and out lies

lovemygirls - i have thought abouty getting an au pair, think i am going to try and get someone for a few afternoons a week to help wit the serious drudgery of washing 80 million bottles and so on and my little boy goes to a childminder 2 afternoons a week (on the same road as me luckily). Am goin g to get some help and I did a routine with my son when he was born so I am relying on that experience too.
also the stairs, v annoying to have to negotiate them. I sheepishly asked my husband how much it would cost to put a lift in (he is renovating our house) but it would be about $20 000 (we live in NZ). Frankly I'd rather have a live in nanny for a year if we EVER had $20 000 to blow.
I have 16 steps to climb BUT because we are in NZ we have enough bedrooms in our house for all these little chiddlers and a big garden so actually I feel really lucky.
frumpygrumpy not bad taste at all. sadly not that rocknroll as I was the passenger and had never been on a bike before. Can't say I was keen that day and it would probably take 5 prop forwards to get me on one again.
But yes, it's definitely better than anything pants or factory related.
Most of the time I think I will be fine but it'll be hard (who isn't it hard for having 3 babies?) but you just have to get on with it don't you?

How much would it cost to cement a path next to the steps so you could at least get them out into a pushchair then push them up the hill?

jenny, you don't just have to get on with it. You can shout and scream and cry and wail and you can do that on our daily thread and then we will wipe up your snotty nose, give you a biscuit and help you back on the path Seriously, we have all handled having twins very differently. If you need us, you know where we are.

I'm sad to hear about your accident. That's a bummer. Are you accepting of it? You sound it.

Yes am accepting of it. I was very lucky actually to escape with just a paralysed arm. My friend who was driving died as did the person we crashed into. Although I was sick for a while (with a typically long list of injuries - lots of broken bones, head injury, collapsed lung as a few broken ribs had torn it etc) I recovered well and feel lucky to be married, have a little family, and happy.
When I think of how bad it was for the parents of both boys who died (my friend was 19 and the other guy I didn't know was 25 which is how old I was at the time) and how bad it was to watch my parents go through it all I know how much easier it is to deal with anything other than sad things that happen to your own children.
It has definitely made me a calmer Mum than I probably would have been had I not experienced it. The constant pain that goes with nerve damage in my arm has been something that has encouraged me to be patient with other people and it certainly made me completely unafraid of the pain of childbirth! I'm grateful for my life and now feel extraordinarily lucky to be having twins. Life throws all sorts of things at you I suppose. Some really beautiful and some horrific.

jenny, you are inspiring. Great attitude. Bad things do happen and we can only learn from them. So sorry you had to go through it and pleased to meet you xxx

I find twins are heaven and hell all at once!!! I've had shitty times but, for the most part, it has been a privilege to have them and something you feel others have missed out on. Is your pregnancy healthy?

yes healthy pregnancy. I'm 29 weeks now and on Monday I'm flying back to N Zealand with my 2 year old son. I have been in the UK for 3 months with him staying at my parents. Bloody bliss. Meanwhile my husband has completely turned our house in to a shell and rebuilt it to accommodate our insta-family. What a legend. He came over for 3 weeks and went back a couple of weeks ago.
I have got a homebirth planned in nz if i go beyond 37 wks and both babies are head down. had my little boy at home it's def the thing for me. I find hospitals very stressful and depressing. If I ever had to go into hosp when i was preg with my son I would start crying (very, very embarrassing) as soon as I got inside and lots of the feelings of sadness and grief i had after my accident would return in that instant. Home is a happy place with no stress (apart from raging arguments of course about pants on the bathroom floor) so that's where I like giving birth. We live v close to the hospital and there are laughably few traffic probs in NZ so I feel happy and confident we are doing the right thing. My husband's family are horrified (they all live in same town as us) but my family are very supportive and totally understand.
I can imagine there will be some times with twins and a toddler that I will be wondering why on earth i thought it would be fun having twins and i have really enjoyed reading the very honest and well articulated threads on mumsnet about the desperation, frustration and sometimes resentment that can go along with it as it's given me a slightly more rounded view of what to expect.
My mum and Dad are coming out to nz in December and Jan to help with the babies so I'll have some great support early on. It's coming into summer too and we live at the beach so at least when i get the odd hour here and there I will go and wallow in the ocean.
I have a feeling we may be eligible for some kind of financial support because of the twins and a preschool age child. My mother in law reckons we'll be eligible for more help because of my arm but i'm not sure. i'm not a resident yet so i'll see. when i had my son we were living in central London. I applied for a disabled parking badge for the first 6 months or so when i had my son as I initially found dealing with the pushchair a bit of a struggle on the tube and bus but I got turned down on the grounds that you could only have one if both your arms were stuffed or you had problems walking. How hilarious is that?
My God I can waffle

Well my mum did it with both legs paralysed - but me and my brother aren't twins! She always had an au pair, so I'd say thumbs up to that. And two baby chairs is very useful, so you can feed them both at once.
Good luck!

go accordiongirl's mum! we have looked at an au pair, think that may be v helpful. I have got 2 bumbos at the ready

wow ag, thats something!

jenny, thats crazy about the permit! I think a homebirth sounds great. Was your DS a homebirth? Who will come to help with it? Midwives? A doula?

Waffle on, its what we do best

Just read this thread... how inspiring. Hope everything goes well Jenny. I had a hospital birth but it was natural delivery, both heads down. No problems at all with heartbeats etc, both babies coped fine with labour and were born healthy and well. Hope the same goes for you.

thanks Neenz. I flew back to NZ a ciouple of days ago and met my midwife yesterday. She has filled me with confidence I am really looking forward to having the babies with her at the helm. She will have 2 more midwives to help her and my husband (who thinks he is a pro now that he was there at our son's homebirth). As am back in NZ I feel like I can relax as I was slightly concerned about giving birh over the Pacific - I flew at 30 weeks exactly. Our entire house needs to be unpacked so I have a busy couple of weeks ahead. Think we may have settled on names - Sylvia and Delilah.
Both babies' heads are down and it really doesn't feel like there's much room for them to wriggle round the other way.
Wow twins are such a miracle it blows me away everytime i think of the little egg merrily splitting in 2 all those months ago

How exciting!

Lovely names. My niece is called Delilah