Problems with twins - biting and feeding. . . . . . . . any advice from fellow mums?

[twinmama]

Help - need any advice. My 15 month old daughter keeps biting her brother. She only does it when she wants what he has, or to stop him getting what she's got! If i catch her in time she will stop when I say No, but the minute I'm not there I hear him scream and know she's bitten him. She leaves awful marks, and yesterday nearly broke the skin. I have tried most things I think, my health visitor said to bite her back, to which I did once, only gently though, and afterwards felt awful. I won't be doing that again. There must be other people out there that have had this happen, and would love any tips!
Also feeding time. . . . can't seem to get my son to feed without distractions, ie. balls, cups, on the tray. It's hard enough feeding two, and all you want is for them to eat. He screams if there's nothing to take his mind off feeding, and then upsets his sister who feeds so well. If he's bored with what's on his tray I have to almost force feed him, which I don't like. Is this normal!!!!!

I was living with my sister when my ds1 was a baby and her baby girl was 6 months older. we had the biting problem, it was very distressing. My sister tried everything but in the end we decided to ignore the biting while physically preventing it as much as possible. And the biting did stop once my niece wasn't getting attention for it.

As for the feeding, I've been through that too. Now I realise that my desperation to feed my children is natures way but I'm more chilled now which works better.
If the children aren't eating well I just give them a spoonfull of vitamin syrup and don't fuss.

Also all these stages do pass and sounds like you are a lovely mum.

I'm sure someone with twins will have some good tips for you!

I shall try ignoring it, but when I do tell her off for it, although she doesn't quite understand me, she goes all serious and quiet. And that seems to work until the next time.
I think you're right about being more chilled whilst feeding, it's so hard though when you have two. That sounds like a good
idea the vitamin syrup, what do you use?
Thankyou for taking the time to reply, when does it get easier? Ha ha!

I'll tell you what I did with my DTs.

With regards to the biting... I distracted where I could and ignored at other times. I would take offending twin and pop them on the other side of the room. Then I would comfort bitten twin. They do actually learn that they don't like it happening the them. Bitten twin eventually bites back. Not something to be encouraged but something that happened nonetheless.

As to food. I've never made food an issue. I pop the food down on their plates/trays and we all get on with eating. DT1 has always been a small eater and she'll occasionally clear her plate. DT2 loves his food and mostly clears his plate. By not making a fuss and continually serving up food at meal times I managed to avoid the stress. The more you force feed them the more they will fight and food will become a control issue.

It's not easy but try to no push the issue of food. If his sister eats well then great. Are they feeding themselves or are you feeding them?

I'll point some other multiple mums in this direction so that you can see what they did/are doing.

Thanks I appreciate that.

I'm still feeding them at the moment. I keep putting it off, but do plan to start soon. Do you think that will help then, or that it could be the reason for his behaviour? They do like what they eat, which I suppose is good. I made them liver casserole the other day and they loved it!

I think it will help. Have you seen any of the baby led weaning sites? You'll find some useful tips there. Your son probably wants a bit of independence with his food. Besides... when it comes to feeding twins wouldn't it be better if they fed themselves?

It will come. It always does. Come and join us on the regular d'y ever threads Lovely bunch of nutters ladies and nonladies there!

twinmama - hello my twins are also 15 mths

dt2 bites the furniture and things it is funny - they haven't bitten each other or anyone else but have both been on the receiving end at nursery so know it hurts

As for feeding, I don't get involved dt1 - she is very messy and just spats it at her face and hope some goes it - but she actually eats most of it.
dt2 - he is slower but makes no mess and uses a spoon and fork very well, he also finishes it all

I have an older ds and have never made food an issue (or offered an alternative) this is what you have got, eat it how you like (babies, not ds1 who is 4.5) and when you have finished, that is it.

I don't think I have helped, but I felt the need to post having dts the same age.

You just seem to have asked in the two departments I don't have any problems - no dt2 and sleeping - that's a different story

Hi twinmama

My DT1 went through a terrible biting stage at this age. In fact I posted almost exactly the same thing here! At one point poor DT2 had bite marks all over her arms, it was terrible.

I took Mars's advice and separated them. I would tell DT1 firmly that biting is not acceptable, take her out of the room and sit her in the hall. I would then lavish lots of attention on DT2, usually sit her on my lap and read a book. It really worked and the biting only lasted a couple of weeks. Mine are now 2.4 and we still use this technique, usually for hitting which is currently in vogue!

I think your health visitors advice to bite them back is crazy, if mum is doing it then it must be acceptable behaviour! They really don't understand at this age anyway, it would just upset them.

On the food front all you can do is offer them food. If they are hungry they will eat it, if not then take it away. I got so strung out over the fact that my girls ate so little but have accepted that they are just small eaters. It helped when we moved them from highchairs to handysitt seats at the table. I eat my breakfast and lunch with them and we all eat the same thing, it has encouraged them to eat more (but this is probably an age thing as well).

Hang in there. I found around the 18 month mark a difficult stage - they are so keen to do everything themselves but still hopelessly uncoordinated! It does get easier .

Thanks for that everyone.

I will def do what Mars says, separate them etc, and let you know if that works.

It's hard isn't it - this feeding lark! Just about remember to feed myself! I find that it's knowing what to offer them too. At the moment I give them a varied diet of red, white meats and lentils with lots of veg and fruit. Do I start with letting them have a spoon and then teaching them what to do, whilst trying to get spoons in too? Funny isn't it how no-one tells you what to do. I'm just gratefull for these sites!

Oooggs - are yours walking yet? My son is but daughter has just stopped comando crawling! How different twins are. Thankyou for your post. Everything helps!

I will look at that site mentioned, can't wait for them to feed themselves. Not looking forward to 18 months though!

yes they are both walking, dt2 (ds2) at 10 mths (he was last to roll, sit & crawl) dt1 (dd) walked at 14 mths but she is the better walker

My two went through a long stage of only eating when distracted by toys or stories. Once I gave up trying to feed them myself and gave them finger food, they were much better - lots more mess to clear up, but the dog used to hoover up most of it .

I also had a biter. I used to tell her off and take the bitee to one side for a comforting cuddle. It stopped once when they were in the trolley in Tesco's - DT2 bit DT1 (as usual). DT1, instead of crying, bit DT2 back. DT2 was outraged - but never did it again!

I have used Minadex vitamin syrup - it's orange flavour so they seem to like it. You can get it in supermarkets or chemists.

I do struggle with knowing what to give them - finger food that will fill them up! Cant give my daughter anything but soup at the 5pm feed as she's sick if she has anything else, even carrot sticks. She's not allergic to anything, but can't seem to digest anything at that time,as she has her bottle at 6.45pm. I did start to give my son pasta, toast etc at that time, but then found that he was waking in the night hungry. And he also started to do the same as he does when I spoon feed him. So have gone back to them both having soup. I also find it hard to find the time to cook/make different things. But I'm sure this is normal and just have to work my way through it. It's reassuring to know other peoples experiences. Thankyou

I found this book really useful for finger food ideas.

Lots of good recipes on the baby led weaning site too. Mine have always loved these lentil and cheese wedges, easy to make and very filling. Can use tinned lentils if you're lazy like me

Thanks glamourbadger, I ordered that book and got it today. Feel much more confident now I have some ideas. Will also try the wedges too.

Have just read the start of this thread and thought "but that's EXACTLY how my twins are! DD bites her brother frequently, mercilessly, and occasionally also bites other children at the creche. The creche are quite relaxed about it and say that it's just a phase, she will grow out of it.

When she bites at home, we explain she mustn't do it and take her to one side, often into her cot with her favourite cuddly toy, and give her a few minutes of time out. Now she's two she does it much less often, but if she does, we insist that she says sorry to her brother. If she refuses, then it's into the cot. She's quite sweet when she says sorry, she strokes his hand or his cheek!

I remember also distracting them with toys whilst they ate. I was convinced I was establishing a terrible habit and they would never learn to eat without the help of several blocks of Duplo. Eventually we stopped the toy thing, and coincidentally, DS started eating better on his own. I think they just needed to grow up a bit and accept that solid food was here to stay!

DD still doesn't eat well (maybe as little as three pieces of pasta in a meal!). We don't try to persuade her beyond trying to spoon it in for her, and just accept she doesn't want it. Maybe it's a refection of the poor ware on offer! I often give them pasta in a range of forms (spag bol is a frequent one), but they love fish fingers or scrambled egg, both with baked beans. Mini sausages are also a hit.

Hi twinmama, i have twins 14 months, boy and girl, just wanted to comment on the remark what the health visitor said about biting back, i think that is ludicrous, not only are you teaching bad behavouir, but you also want to build trust with your twins, if you are biting them how will they learn to trust you !! Have you tried giving them some fruit just before bedtime, to stop them night waking !

Please give them finger food!! It encourages good speech development!! Not many people seem to realise this. the earlier the better. You will probably find mealtimes will be a lot more pleasurable when you can all sit down as a family and eat lunch together. At this age they can eat everything you eat, so just go for it!!! They'll be a lot happier when they are in control of what they eat.

Twinmama my DTs are now 23 months and they are biters (just each other although they did bite one or two other children at the start). People keep telling me it is just a phase!
We separate them and put the biter in the hall so he knows he has done wrong and comfort the other one. After a little while we go and get the twin in from the hall and make him give his brother a cuddle to say sorry.

As for eating you will find it goes in phases my two would eat anything when first onto solids and try anything - now they are more fussy but it depends on how tired they are. One of their favourites which surprised me was houmous and warm pitta bread - we found that if we were eating the same thing they are more likely to try something too.

Its easy to say but try not to get too stressed and remember if they are still having a bottle before bed at least you know they are having something warm.

My DTs are 9 months old and although we don't have a problem with biting (only 1 tooth between them probably helps!), meal times are getting harder.
DT1 much prefers feeding herself but loses interest in whatever's in front of her quite quickly - maybe like Shiner's babies it's because what i serve up is so unispired! DT2 is happy to eat anything off the spoon and also feeds himself, so ends up eating double the portions. Despite this, he is not gaining as much weight as her as he drinks very little milk during the day, while she'll have 2 bottles plus morning & bedtime milk. AAArrrghhhhh!
I've moved more towards BLW over the past fortnight, but worry that they're not getting enough nutrition, esp if not taking much milk. My head tells me that they'll eat what they need, but even so...
I've actually arranged for the health visitor to come and observe lunch next week to reassure me that they're normal!
Any pearls of wisdom from you far more experienced and less stressy mums?!