Hello, I'm new! Any advice on 3 year olds re: clingyness/arguing/whinging!!

[flebington]

Hi, i have 3 year old twin girls, they were born at 30 weeks and are the most precious things in the world to me......however I find it really hard when:

1. they become really clingy - DD1 especially 'needs mummys hair' to play with, and be carried/cuddled a lot still! (I love cuddles, but if she could she would sit and cuddle & play with my hair all day long!) 2)one minute they will be playing so nicely and the next all hell will break loose, if I had a pound for every time I said "if you keep fighting over that, mummy will take it away" i'd be a very rich woman!
2. they are sometimes incredibly whingy and when they both kick off together I just want to put my hands over my ears and leave the room! In fact I think I have probably tried that tactic.
3. I find that I can spend a whole day nagging and saying 'don't do that' and I want to be a fun mum, not a nagging mum.

If anyone has any tips or similar situations, I would be pleased to hear suggestions or just know that its all completely normal 3 year old behaviour!!
Cheers!

do they go to nursery yet?

3 year olds do need a lot of stimulation, and can be utterly exhausting. I def do the hands over the ears thing quite often. Mine usually take it in turns to wind me up and I find that playing them off each other helps a bit. 'If you don't behave you will be going to bed early and x will stay up'.

I don't stay indoors with them more than I can help it too.

Agree about exhausting them as much as possible!

My DD1 is just 3 and is a delight, except when she moans and whines, which is quite often! I often say "normal voice please" when she is being particularly whingey which calms her.

I felt I was nagging / shouting a lot too, so I decided to be a bit more selective about my battles which has helped a little. However, on some things, I do have to do "if you do X, then Y will happen (you won't go to the park / have an ice cream / an extra story" etc) and stick to it. It is important to me to be good to my word so if I have said that she can't do something I have to carry it out. Wearing her fairy costume to Sainsbury's is something which is actually OK whereas wearing dressing up shoes out to the park isn't, IYSWIM.

I also find humour helps. When she is really exasperating, I often tickle her to get her to laugh and that diffuses the situation a lot. It also stops me feeling quite so wound up.

Cuddles - I have to watch out here, as DD1 always wants one. Usually have to stall her by saying "once we've finished the shopping then you can have a cuddle" otherwise we'd get nothing done. It is hard but so long as she gets the cuddle (even if it's later than she'd like) I think that has to be OK.

Hope this helps - some days I feel completely overwhelmed with just one of her, so cannot imagine how you must feel with it twice over!

Hi there, all good advice thanks! some things i have tried and some things I haven't - like playing them off each other - like it!
As for nursery, I work 3 days a week, they are in nursery 2 days, my mum has them for one day, and they exhaust her, and on the days i'm off, I have to have things planned, as I agree you just can't stay in with them anymore!!
As for sticking to things that you threaten - I stuck to my guns the other night, and they did not have their bedtime story as they did not deserve it! After they had sobbed themselves to sleep, I wanted to wake them up and read them the story I felt sooo bad!!
I like the tickling thing, will defo try that, as they are normally so happy and giggly and it would be lovely to keep it that way!
Cheers for your help!
x x x

Hi, whoever said "terrible twos" didn't let their children reach the awful threes. I definately found this age the most challenging.
I have triplet girls (now 8 yrs)and one thing I wish I'd been advised to do is separate them much more than I did. Any chance you could stretch to one going to your mum's while the other is at nursery for an extra day? Your mum would find it a pleasure and the kids would definately benefit from the time away from each other. In my case they couldn't wait to see each other after a day away!
Could your mum have one for a couple of hours while you do something with just one? Knowing they're going to do something with just mummy can be a big insentive to behave.
At three my girls were really finding themselves and having their sisters around pretty much 24-7 meant they became a group .. "the girls". Looking back we all could have done with a bit more space away from each other now and then.

Hi, I have 3 yr old twins - re the tickling I would agree with this and add that if there's hysteria all round humour helps so much - I start singing ridiculous songs featuring their names and they start to laugh.
We go out because then I don't ignore them for housework.
I try to remember that they're babies still and avoid 'naughty step' scenarios - I move on to something else - change the mood - put on a tape and dance to the 'wiggly woo' that kind of thing.
Suggest 'big hugs' at the moment you want to leave the room.
I would really recommend 'How to talk so kids will listen' Its a fantastic book thast made my house a happier place.

Thanks for your advice, I take the stuff about separating them a bit more on board, but it will be difficult I think.

I think the distraction with humour will work a treat! Plus i'll now get on amazon and look for that book!

;-)