Pregnant with Twins Single

[QuicheLorraineB]

Hi everyone, I’m really in a bad space mentally.

I am already a single parent to one child who’s over the age of 5, this has undoubtedly had some challenges but not many and overall everything has been fine.

At some point I went into a relationship with a man that was very toxic and manipulative, obviously at the time I didn’t completely see it but it turns out this man is actually married. That whole time he obviously did not disclose this to me.

im now pregnant with twins - this is something I would need to prepare to go through alone + my child I already have.

I feel really stressed over the decision to go through an abortion, I had one last year (separate situation) and it was obviously not a pleasant experience.

I have family but the way I see it, I cannot plan on having any child expecting to have support from other people as I know day to day it will fall on me.

For some context, I am in work full time although currently signed off sick due to the heavy pregnancy symptoms I’m going through but also just poor mental health. I’m not entirely sure how finances would stretch with two more children.

In terms of this man, he’s suddenly realised that he’s a married man and has sworn to me he wants nothing to do with these children and does not care if they die.

I just need some supportive advice.

How many weeks are you? If you can't afford them, and have zero support, then I don't see how you can continue this pregnancy without seriously negatively affecting your current child.

Put your existing child central to the decision, as tough as it is to abort, if you continue will it affect them negatively. Separately is this man going to pay substantial child support? Twins are double everything! It’s really hard but based on what you are saying, can you even cope?

I had twins as a single mum with a 4 year old. I won't lie it was hard but the thought was worse. I took 13 months off work (a year maternity leave plus 4 weeks annual leave then went back 3 days (i couldn't afford childcare for more).
I was very organised (routine based) and looking in people thought it odd but it was my way of coping (and dc always knew what to expect). For example i had a strict bedtime of 730 pm when they were little and that meant I had a few hours to myself. I had a no breakfast till you're dressed rule on a school day. Basically work your life around what works for you. Mine are older teens/adult now and its actually not been to bad. There were obviously times where by they passed an illness around and we'd have 3 weeks of illness, so i always had a good stock of food, calpol etc because you'll know being a single parent you cant just pop to the shop, you definitely cant with 3 ill dc!
I always had a bag packed by the door when if all got too much dt were put in the pushchair and we'd go for a walk/just get out the house.
Little things like you cant rock twins to sleep while dealing with another child so I never did, taught them to self settle (was easier in the long run).
You dont need two of everything (But do some). Some things were more helpful than with a singleton for example a bouncy chair to keep them both upright after a feed, or a sling so one in sling, other on your hip and a spare hand for dc1.
I breastfed but expressed and bottle fed one when out which worked well.
Have everything at hand on every floor of your house because with 3 you really cant turn your back for a minute and you cant always take them all with you.
I think my hardest time was 9 months to a year because they were heavy to carry both, but couldn't walk, it was winter and we got snowed in 3 times (once for a week), they were all repeatedly ill and I just wanted to escape and go back to work. But like all stages they pass.
What ever you decide do whats best for you and dc1 (not a man who is not going to be around) and take care of yourself.

If you have zero support and can’t afford two more mouths to feed then I think you should at least consider a termination.

How do you think you’ll cope day to day? Are you highly organised and have a good routine now? What do you do for things like food shopping, after school care, nights out? Do you have a good group of friends? People that could look after DC1 if you were in Hospital?

As for the man, he sounds truly awful.

Whatever you decide to do, I would do the Freedom Program before embarking on any future relationships

it you can't afford to feed 2 more mouths OP I think you have your answer. How're you going to be feeling mentally when you're running on no sleep with 2 babies who won't necessarily sleep at the same time?
id also consider the other child in this too.

id also book an appointment with the GP to get on some contraception. You already had an abortion last year for an entirely separate situation and you've found yourself here again.

Can you consider an open adoption or fostering arrangement?

I’ve found twins extremely hard and I’m in a happy marriage with a supportive husband. I cannot imagine ever doing this as a single mum with no support and another child. The lack of sleep had a huge impact on my mental health and the only way to survive is to be very strict with routine. You will also need some help so you can get a break otherwise it’s just too much.

I have 10 month old twins. I’m doing amazing but I could never imagine doing this without any support or with an older child who also needs me