I am struggling really badly and feel burnt out :(

[Cokefirst]

I’m 29 married with 16 month old twin boys. They are absolutely chaotic. They don’t listen or sit still for a second; destroy everything in the house and trash everything, they have tantrums over literally nothing and fight me on feeding and changing them.

My DH works 5 days a week but on the 2 off days he does help me out a lot. On his 5 work days he isn’t back until 6-6:30 and the twins sleep at 7. I get so so frustrated and honestly I know it’s not their fault they’re very hyper active feral boys but I sometimes feel like snapping and losing my shit.

By the time DH is home I am burnt out the house is a tip and there’s still a million chores to do and I can’t even function as a person.
I have family but they live quite far but they help out once a week and my in laws are too old to handle the twins.
I will be retuning to work in a few months part time and they’ll be starting nursery 2 days a week at that point but until then I don’t know how I’ll even survive. Everyone’s who’s ever met them recently have all said they are a huge handful so it’s not just me :/

Just looking for support really I know it’s a give it time type of thing

I would say let the count down begin.
If you're in England, then they will presumably have a funded space in nursery.
Once you're back at work you will start to love your work days and I found that I enjoyed the days with the children more because it wasn't every day.
I would probably say that I would tentatively ask the nursery if you could incase hours to 3-3.5 days a week so that it gives you a day or so each week without them.
Even if it's a day when you do housework / batch cooking etc to get on top of things you'll enjoy that day.

Do you have funds for a cleaner?

Do you find days out the house easier? I know I do - I get so sick of cleaning up mess all the time that I find it easier to be out in the park / walk / play place etc.

And I have certainly lost my cool before - shouted / been angry. Don't beat yourself up if you do lose it. Just take a few mins to yourself - make sure they are safe and then step outside for a minute or two to cool down.

I too have twin boys and they definitely have their feral moments. Do you manage to get them out of the house often? That was really my only saviour - any children's groups, stay and plays, soft plays - anything to burn off energy.

We also spend a lot of time in the garden just rolling around getting muddy, using paddling pools etc and I find the extra space means they are less likely to fight each other. And as PPs have said - the advantage is that the house mess reduces!

Could you go back to work earlier?

Could you ask for some Homestart help OP? You sound really frazzled.

I’m a stay home mum with toddler twins who aren’t in nursery yet - it’s horrible when it’s so hard that you feel you’re not enjoying any of it. I agree it’s best to get them out of the house and in the playground or in nature to run around and play - take a packed lunch so you don’t need to do the clean up at home. Small toddler groups are great too, library is good, anywhere you feel is safe and you can watch them both. You are on the countdown now so at least you know it won’t be for long. Do you have a good routine for sleep and food?

Childproof as much as you can and just let them play.

Buy ear defenders for yourself, honestly... reducing the noise stimulation has been a game changer for me.

Forget about a tidy house.
Keep up on laundry
Food
Showering.
Big bins for toys to just toss in at the end of the day

I used reins on mine to get out for walk in a large enclosed park but was mostly home at that age as I had a 4yr old also it was just too hard.

Do you have Garden?

Hugs you will survive this 🤗

Your health visitor should be able to support you. The HV can signpost you any supports yiou may need to make life easier.

How are you doing now @Cokefirst?