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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

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Original poster

Expecting twins - Move near family?

24 replies

PennyPaws · 08/06/2025 14:58

Hi all,

I am currently in the second trimester of my twin pregnancy and my husband and I currently live in Bath. My family live over an hour away and we can’t decide whether to move closer to family or stay put?

Bath is great, there is a park right next to us, a nursery on the same street and generally there is a lot in and around Bath.

My family live further into Somerset so it’s a lot quieter, but we could live mortgage free and obviously our twins could grow up with my sisters children and grandparents around for support.

How hard is it having twins without family immediately close?

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ConfusedAnxiousMum · 08/06/2025 15:04

An hour is still really close, close enough for a day trip for support. Our nearest family were more than five hours away when we had just one baby.

Where is work? What would the commute look like from a new place? Who will be working once the twins are past maternity leave and where will that person need to get to? Are you assuming grandparents will do childcare if you’re closer - an excellent nursery very close by is a major plus.

What sort of support are you envisaging and would your sister and parents be able to provide it?

Loveduppenguin · 08/06/2025 15:05

I have no idea what it’s like to have twins but I would seriously think of what support you are “expecting” (for want of a better word) and what you are also prepared to give back also. I moved home to be closer to my family after my second child and to be honest after a while I found I was the one providing more support to my family than they were for me. I was a sahm for a while and they all worked. My dm did the odd nights/ weekends babysitting so we could do date nights (I will add I am now divorced though). I suppose my message is just to really think of what the set up will be if you do move closer and how it will work for all of you.

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/06/2025 15:08

Have your family offered “support”? You need to be on the same page from the beginning.

Original poster

PennyPaws · 08/06/2025 15:12

Just to add, my husband works from home full time and I will (eventually) be going back to FT study from home, once the twins are born. Family are very supportive and have offered to help us out whenever needed.

OP posts:

miniaturepixieonacid · 08/06/2025 15:16

Totally get wanting to live near family but I wouldn't move from Bath, that's such a dream place to be able to live and work in. If your family were in Yorkshire or something then yes, I'd probably move closer. But an hour or so isn't far. You can easily get and give family support from where you are.

Loveduppenguin · 08/06/2025 15:18

PennyPaws · 08/06/2025 15:12

Do your family work?

Original poster

PennyPaws · 08/06/2025 15:19

Loveduppenguin · 08/06/2025 15:18

Do your family work?

Show quote history

My mum works tues to Fri, my dad is retired. My sister is currently on Mat leave and will be returning to work mon-weds when she does so will be off every thurs/friday

OP posts:

Loveduppenguin · 08/06/2025 15:27

By all means move closer it would be nice to have everyone close for your dc to grow up with them. I completely get that ❤️ But I say this honestly…I wouldn’t go with high expectations and I would think very hard about what you are able to do for them as it will most definitely become a two way system.

bridgetjonesmassivepants · 08/06/2025 15:32

Do not move. Your sister is going to be busy with her own baby, your mum is more or less working full time.
You'll have enough to cope with with twins, let alone selling your house, buying a new one, getting used to somewhere different, are you crazy?

An hour is nothing, you can easily visit each other and the kids can have their naps in the car.

bluecurtains14 · 08/06/2025 15:35

PennyPaws · 08/06/2025 15:19

My mum works tues to Fri, my dad is retired. My sister is currently on Mat leave and will be returning to work mon-weds when she does so will be off every thurs/friday

Show quote history

But she presumably will be looking after her kids on those days, not helping with yours?

Loveduppenguin · 08/06/2025 15:53

With you and your dh’s hours you will need childcare. If you plan on moving I would check availability in the area too beforehand and possibly book the twins in somewhere.

Mydadsbirthday · 08/06/2025 16:10

I have twins and I moved a mile away from my parents and sister when they went started school. Best thing we ever did. My sister's children are similar ages. My parents have looked after them all a lot. Now they are older we are able to be there for them too.
But it does depend on your family dynamic and your circumstances so only you can decide.

Mylah · 22/06/2025 08:54

I'm not a twin parent but I am a twin myself and we grew up about 3 hours from family. My dad worked away a lot and but my mum built a good local support network and always had people to help out in emergencies or with babysitting.

From a childhood point of view, I certainly didn't miss out on anything. I still maintained close relationships with my aunties and uncles and cousins and still do to this day. I think the notion of children and cousins growing up together is more of a romantic one if I'm honest. Certainly as children get older and go to school and extra activities and attend parties etc, their friends take over as more significant relationships.

I think if you build good local relationships then I think you will be fine. In fact one of the mum friends my mum made 30 years ago now helps me out with babysitting!! My parents were so sociable and we were always busy as a family seeing friends, having people over that there wasn't time to miss out on not growing up with extended family and we still saw cousins etc about once a month/every six weeks so I still have loads of great memories of being with them.

PrincessOfPreschool · 22/06/2025 09:03

My parents retired and used to come and stay with me for 4 days per week when I had twins! I also had a 3yo and health issues. It's hard, especially as first babies but plenty of people do manage.

Personally I think an hour is OK. Parents can still help when they can and you can drop them to your sister when they're a bit older to spend the day.

Living mortgage free would be my main motivator to move though. You can have so much more time with your kids if you're working part time, or not at all. I was home with my kids for 8 years and it was wonderful!

If you're going to be studying, is that going to lead to a different job? Where would this job be? Can you do it from where you move to or would it be more city based? What are schools like close to your parents?

You need to think a bit long term. It's only (very) overwhelming for a short while but then you have many more years of schools, working or not, more children etc.

Bobbieiris · 22/06/2025 09:41

Depends if that is where you want to live in the long term? I have 11 month old twins and closest family (my partners) are about an hour away. They are fantastic help and are always happy to babysit or help with housework and it works out just fine. You get into a good routine with twins and it really hasn’t been as scary as people make out so far. However my partner and I are hoping to move to a cheaper area in a year or so where you can get more for your money. I think moving during second trimester might be a lot though…could it wait a year or so? My twins were early so you might want to consider that too. Moving is stressful enough so might be best to wait a bit. Maybe build up some good connections in bath, look into local baby groups and see if they have a twin club.

PrincessOfPreschool · 23/06/2025 05:21

Yeah, I missed the second trimester bit of your post. It's too late to move now! We moved house with my first (single) baby, exchanged on his due date and he arrived 4 days later. It was also a doer-upper. I'm not sure what we were thinking! It was very very difficult, actually harder than twins. I was much wiser planning around the twins.

user1497787065 · 23/06/2025 06:18

My parents were an hour away from me. Close enough to help out when necessary but also far enough away that they weren’t living in my pocket.

I’m in Somerset, an hour from Bath and I would think really carefully before I moved from Bath and all it has to offer.

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 23/06/2025 06:36

No, stay put for now. Once the babies are here perhaps ask mum or dad (or both) to come up and if need be stay over to help with the babies.

NB - most twins are born by 38 weeks - lots of reasons that you can google - so your timeframe is unrealistic imo.

Poynsettia · 23/06/2025 06:41

Is there a spare bedroom for visitors, or a garden room for work or visitors. It’s much easier if people have their own space.

hedgingmybets25 · 23/06/2025 06:41

All my family is 4 hours away from me - and I’m a single parent of twins - don’t rely on the “help” - move because you want to for other reasons like being mortgage free - not solely being close to help. Twins are hard and parents and siblings either are older and don’t have the same energy or just can’t cope with the twin dynamic

YourPlumMember · 23/06/2025 06:43

Can you afford childcare for both children when you're both studying/working full time? You won't be able to manage looking after them while working studying, if that's what you're thinking. Even if you're based in the home.

I would not bring family help into the decision because you really don't know what help you'll get and with twins the offers may well be few and far between.

Where would you rather the kids grow up? How much better will your lives be if you're mortgage free? That's what you need to decide.

YourPlumMember · 23/06/2025 06:44

And if you can't afford childcare then moving to be mortgage free and paying childcare will be the only option.

DemonsandMosquitoes · 23/06/2025 08:00

I would stay put. That’s a massive ask, you’ll be so beholden. And in the firing line as parents age.
Keep your distance and pay for help. Much healthier.
Where do DH family live?

Gemstonebeach · 23/06/2025 08:15

I moved for family and my mum has been great, she works school hours so has been able to help me out with pick ups and will also babysit for a night out. cousins wise, I thought I would see a lot more of my brother then in reality. However he has been very good now our kids are school age at sharing the childcare for school holidays.

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