Two year old and twins due - can it be done?!

[moptop]

I'd appreciate any advice from anyone who's been there/ done that!

I have a two year old and am expecting twins in September. I have no family help and my husband works away quite a lot. I also have two dogs which need to be walked daily. My daughter currently goes to nursery for two sessions a week. I don't go out to work.

I'm worried that, although I will survive, I will find it difficult to cope when the twins arrive. I'm also worried that my toddler will suffer due to the sudden change in her circumstances and the fact that I may be incapacitated, recovering from the birth/poss c-section, trying to breast-feed, etc, etc.

I suppose what I'm trying to ask is whether or not I should look into employing a nanny/mothers help/ doula.... and if so, which?

Thanks for any advice

Kat, 17 weeks already, I'm sure it's absolutely flown past! I know that when it comes down to it you have to cope but I'm dreading it in a way I never did with the ds's. I want to give up work now and just rest on the days the boys are at nursery so I have the energy for them later!

Jenny, your little boy will only be 5 months older than ds2. He seems like such a baby to me still, but getting independent fast esp now he's walking (only last 2 weeks!). There's 3 years between the boys and quite a lot of jealousy from ds1 so I'm hoping a smaller age gap will work better in that sense. I can imagine that for you some of the physical stuff will be the problem - were you big on 'babywearing' with ds as I've been looking a lot at slings/wraps to enable me to still do things with ds2 and just function generally I guess. Would that work for you, I really enjoyed carrying ds2 in a pouch sling periodically and made me feel less frustrated as he was soooo happy in it! I hope that your search for a m/w is successful, did you have homebirth first time?

yes, i had a homebirth with my son and it was successful (if very long - 2 days 2 nights). I as so pleased i had it. However there is no one in nz willing to deliver twins at home. I'll have them in my local hospital and just dodge all the usual inductions and cesarians. My little boy went 17 days overdue so I'm hoping I can be a good incubator for these babies and go full term.
Yes, first time round there was a bit of an adjustment to working out how to do things like pick up a newborn with 1 arm and change nappies without spreading pooh everywhere but I should think it was no harder than the adjustment every new mum makes when they have a baby. It's not the most familiar thing in the world is it! I used one of those slings that you just pick up and hook oveer your shoulder, it looks like a sling with a pouch going diagonally across your body. It was amazing as i lived in london so strolled everywhere v happily and coiuld lift him on and off my shoulder easily. I can't use those baby bjorn style things as i can't lift him in and out of it. I spoke to someone the other day who had 3 littlies under 3 and she said she took a double pushchair and a sling out and about so she could at least put the older one in the pushchair when his jealousy got the better of him.
I wonder if your 2 will just play together more and more and leave you some time to feed/sort out the babies? Now your youngest can walk that will surely help them to play better together.
In the next 2 wks i am flying home (yippee!) for a few months on my own with my son (husband following in 2 mths after doing renovations on our house). i have flown uk to nz twice before with my son but always with husband. God knows wht it'll be like this time with a wilfull 20 mth old. Holy mackerel i have written an essay

Hi Moptop
I've got a 4 year old and twins who are now just a few months off 2. I took DS1 out of nursary as I didn't think I'd manage to get him there before 11am. Instead I had an au pair who stayed for the first 8 months. She was a great girl and the thing for me was to have another pair of hands around. She was never left alone with the children so I didn't want to pay for a childcare professional. If you're interested I can give you some tips on what for look for.

I've also recently written up a list of practical things for a friend who's having twins. If you want I'll hunt that out too.

Also in my experience the hardest time came when the twins began weaning. By that stage most of the help had gone, friends thought I could more than cope(!!) and the twins were having bottles + puree, older son on something different and DH and myself on something different again! Ridiculous with hindsight. Oh and then they started to move...

Also if its an option for you and you enjoy it, going back to work is a coping strategy! I went back 3 days a week, after a year off and with hindsight should have done it sooner. I've never enjoyed work so much. It gives me time to recharge...and do a bit of shopping at lunchtime!

ha ha jackers i love your going back to work tip as a coping/relaxing strategy. Very sensible indeed.
i have already warned my husband that his evening meal will be much earlier. I am planning on feeding my son at same time as us (instead of the usual 5pm for him then 7pm for us) with the aim that when the twins are eating dinner they can join us too at around 6pm. Just one sitting for everybody. Well, that's the plan anyway. It sounsd good in theory. It will make that 5pm - 7pm more hectic but i'm planning on getting some kind of nanny/home help for between 3pm and 6pm some days.
Jackers I would love to see your list of things for twins if you have it handy.

Hi Jennyroper. Sorry I haven't logged in for a while. These are the things that helped me, in no particular order...
-isofix car seats - once the base is in you just have to plonk the baby seat on top. Significantly reduces the likelihood of getting distracted and driving off with an unsecured child!
-Lots of bottles and a seperate kettle.
-Bumbos were handy for a short period (borrow them if you can)
-Have a travel cot up in a spare room room for the nights you just can't get one to sleep or you need a bit of controlled crying.
-Play pen, used for safety for a while and then used as a fence to barracade parts of the kitchen off(or me in!). Also used it outside in the summer.
-Bath seats that look a bit like little swing seats with suckers on the bottom. They were a godsend from when the twins could sit up. I actually started to enjoy bathtime.
-Baby Bjorn is by far and away the easiest front carrier to fit. We had one bjorn and 1 cheaper one which took ages to fiddle with and I couldn't do it by myself.
-ear plugs especially important if someone offers you the chance of a lie in or nap. Without them its hard to switch off to the noise. Be prepared for a VERY noisey house from now on!!
-baby walker/activity centre.
-Most importantly never say no to help! I had a local college student for a while amongst others.
I hope that helps and good luck!

Just to add a slightly different perspective from 40+ years down the line

I was just 2 when my mum had twins. I think she STILL feels guilty about it as I was suddenly the big sister and a lot of the attention went to the twins (something I understand much more now that I have had two) However I don't ever remember being the only one and have always LOVED being the sister to twins - some of the kudos rubs off and I've always been bossy

Mum has always said that her main coping mechanism was a loud radio - to drown out the noise of any protesting children whilst she dealt with one at a time

Congratulations to all those expecting twins.

def suggest a night nanny (who will take care of babies overnight) then you will be fully re-charged for daytime.

or a daily maternity nanny who would do just the days.

both would charge around £15 an hr for twins.

or maybe just a temp nanny for a couple of months live out is anything from £300-£500 net for a 50hr week depending on where you live, the nannies experience and quals.

maybe look on nannies, childcare bit on here.

Hi Moptop, our little boy was 2 1/2 when our triplets were born. Like you, we had no family to help, and hubby working long hours. Before the birth, we warned son that although it would be great fun when the babies were old enough to play with, it would be very hard at first and lots of time would be spent feeding etc. When they arrived, he really took it in his stride. I try to find things to occupy him before the feed starts.
We hired a maternity nurse for 3 days/week for the first 4 weeks after hubby's 2 wks paternity leave. It was money well spent. We did it this way to spread out the number of weeks over which we could get some nightime sleep for a few days.This helped set up the routine, and gave me someone to air my concerns to and sort out probs in my mind. My son goes to nursery 3 days, and I have help from a student on 2 days/week from the local college.. If your twins are due in October- that's a great time for the college start of term. Our guys are now 7 months and it feels like our routine works well, and our son can see that there is gradually more time for him(we keep discussing with him how things are improving and how things were at first so that he can see that things are getting easier).
Wishing you all the best.