Two year old and twins due - can it be done?!

[moptop]

I'd appreciate any advice from anyone who's been there/ done that!

I have a two year old and am expecting twins in September. I have no family help and my husband works away quite a lot. I also have two dogs which need to be walked daily. My daughter currently goes to nursery for two sessions a week. I don't go out to work.

I'm worried that, although I will survive, I will find it difficult to cope when the twins arrive. I'm also worried that my toddler will suffer due to the sudden change in her circumstances and the fact that I may be incapacitated, recovering from the birth/poss c-section, trying to breast-feed, etc, etc.

I suppose what I'm trying to ask is whether or not I should look into employing a nanny/mothers help/ doula.... and if so, which?

Thanks for any advice

Hiya, I am living proof that it can be done!!! My daughter was 1yr and 9days old when i gave birth to identical twin boys. the boys were two when i gave birth to my youngest daughter, they are now 6 , 5 and three and i havent throttled them yet!!!!!! just get a really good routine xxx

just read op so maybe someone has already suggested it but do you have a college near you with childcare students, they would love some hands on experience and could get a refrence from you when they start looking for a job so win win really.

my friends little one was 14 months when she had twins, she says the tougest part was the sheer lack of sleep, she could cope with the crying/feeding (formula)/never having time to go to the toilet etc but was surviving on only a few hours kip a night.

her way of coping was to never be in the house, every time i looked out the window she would be pounding past the window with her double buggy and the bigger one either sitting on the hood of the buggy or in her backpack baby carrier.

your house is going to be lots of fun as they grow up together I haven't got twins but had dd2 when dd1 was 23 months, she was a great help and they are really close now. Found the 'seat to go' buggy board really useful, would go on a light double buggy like the maclaren stroller one, I'm sure. As to having help booked in, I guess it depends whether you will feel intruded on having someone else around or not...and its a lot of extra change for a toddler to have someone new around a lot..now someone to do all the housework, that would be good. I'd want to be sure I got on well with them.

Hiya moptop, just to warn you my DS1 wont go on the buggyboard, although he is younger than your DD will be but it's best to be prepared with another option (sling) just in case. I thought he would love it but he is scared of it (despite being a confident lad!).

Glad your scan obviously went well as you now know the sex of your twins. Are you SURE you don't want to tell us!

My DS1 loved our doula and misses her, he used to get so excited when she was due to arrive, and he chose her over me sometimes to take him to the swings etc.

Hi moptop. Congratulations

I have 5 children, the youngest being my wee weapons of mass destruction the DTs. I bfed them for 18 months. DD2 was 4 when the DTs came along (DS1 was 11 and I was hoiking my large bump around senior schools).

All things are possible. Toddlers are as likely to feel left out with a singleton sibling. One of the best things that I read on MN was to have a "breastfeeding basket" where you put a few toys and books that only ever came out when bfing. Also if you manage to feed them in tandem (at the same time) then it shouldn't take up any more time than having one.

Do join us on the d'y ever threads. We like new blood people!

oh meant to add... doulas are FABULOUS and I can second Hert's recommendations! (I too am a doula and would've loved one for my DTs. I also do lost of postnatal work for parents with multiples)

....I LOVED having twins. Still do. Revel in it. People will look at you in the street, and sometimes people like me will approach you and bore you with their own experience!

I had been talked into a third child "we want a girl, too". An early scan revealed, of course, identical boys. For a brief while we had four children under four....

(be prepared for possible NICU visits. I am a senior children's nurse, and was still surprised and fazed by the month in special care for 33 weekers..)

Sadly, my spouse died suddenly when the twins were 5, but they are fine, and still great fun.

You are blessed, enjoy!

Sorry about your loss goth!

Four boys. I always dreamt I'd have four boys. Now I have two boys and three girls!

Lovely to read all the positive stories and advice. Been having another wobble so it was great to come on here this morning and be motivated!

Think I'm sorted with a doula now (the two recommended do only births.) I've met a few and am happy with my decision. Just had a call from the local pre-school and they will take dd in September if I choose. Bit worried about too much change all at once, but it's nice to have the option.

Hi again moptop, remember I'm due in Sept too with dt's so if you'd ever like to chat about it it might help us both. I've had major wobbles for a while but it did calm down after 20 week scan when I saw them both wriggling.

I just don't think we can afford a doula so haven't looked into it, we're trying to extend so we've got a kitchen/diner instead of close kitchen as there's no way I can fit 4 kids in there and it's so stressful trying to get snacks/meals 5 times a day with them under foot! I haven't yet looked into other options like homestart, but we're definitely planning to send ds2 to nursery still for 2 days a week and my mum will prob. take him or come and help me for another day. I'm looking at buying a philnteds twin buggy so that the babies can lie flat but I can see them or ds2 can jump in if he's tired. For some reason, choosing a buggy makes me feel better about it all!

I know what you mean. I've just got a bargain double mountain off ebay and am now bidding for a twin carrycot and kiddy board. Somehow, planning the practical stuff kind of makes it seem more manageable. I'm in awe that you'll be dealing with 4 kids.... I'm stressed enough about having 3!

You're much more organised than me, haven't bought a thing although I think our house fairly well-stocked for most baby-related gear I guess my point was that I wasn't coping at all either, absolutely panicking, couldn't sleep, couldn't stop crying. I still feel like this if I'm really exhausted tbh. I do think having coped already with the 'sibling' issue between ds1 & ds2 (ds1 is STILL jealous of ds2 nearly 18 months later fgs) at least that side of it should be easier for us to handle. Also I have dp & my mum for support, dp doesn't get home until 6/6.30 most nights but can be flexible as he runs his own businesses.

Let's keep in touch , I don't think you're anywhere near me are you (I'm Yorkshire) but going through stuff at the same time we're bound to have same issues!

I'm near Milton Keynes so not very near at all, which is a shame! I've found a multiples group nearby so I'm going along to that next Monday to meet some twin mums in RL.

Better sign off now - antenatal appt beckons. One of the twins had echogenic bowel on last week's scan. (I posted about it on the pregnancy forum. ) Hopefully, it'll turn out to be nothing.

BTW, do you know what flavours you're having? We were going to keep it quite but couldn't, so now the whole family knows!

Glad you've sorted your doula. It's important that YOU are happy with your choice so well done.

Hope you get the twin carrycot. It's rather lovely! And I hope the scan works out!

Have you heard about Home Start? It is a charity which supports families with children under 5yo. I had a 2yo&4yo when my triplets were born. My Homestart Volunteer came every week (sometimes twice)for5years and is now a close family friend(and helps me out when I need an early babysitter). My DH works mostly away & we have no family nearby. I accepted every offer of help when the babies were small, and our community and church were brilliant. It is hard work, but you will be able to do more than you think you can Good Luck!

Was just about to suggest Homestart MTM.

My first set of twins were two when the second set arrived, then they were 15 months when no5 arrived

It was manic, and we had a homestart volunteer for a while.

You could also try contacting any local colleges who offer chilcare/nursing/midwifery courses and see if anyone wants a free work placement.

You can do it!

Tartan, manic sounds like the understatement of the year! And MTM, you had the same setup as I will have (although ds1 will be nearly 5 and at school) so kudos to you. I'm in awe of all of you, people say to me you get what you can cope with but it doesn't feel like at all. I'm so worried about turning into angry harried mother of 4 with no identity left I'm having counselling! Must look into homestart though as that sounds a godsend. I'm not involved with church/community unfortunately although friends and neighbours have offered support so I'll take them up on it!

moptop, I'm having one of each (although I wld like another scan to make sure!). I have two boys already so all anyone can say now is what a relief I'm finally getting a girl Which is starting to really annoy me and though I thought I'd be pleased about having a girl I've barely thought about it, just pleased they're ok. Are you going for buggy board because your dd will be well over 2? I figure my ds (who only walked 2 weeks ago!) just don't be up for a buggy board so I can't really get carrycots for the twins which I'm sad about. I thought I'd put one twin in the buggy, one in a sling/wrap and then ds2 can go in the buggy too if he's tired.

It never feels like you can cope, but you will! Other people were full of excitement at our news, but the fear of having triplets got to me, and it changed all my work plans.
At times with 5 under 5yo I thought I was going mad, but DDs are 7,7,7,9,&DS 11 and I'm still here!
Multiples tend to be smaller babies-I put 2in the same section of the pram so DD1 could have a ride sometimes! They all soon learned that legs were meant for walking with

hello, this is the first time I have ever written a message.
Moptop I am in a very similar situation to you. I found out yesterday I am expecting identical twins in December. My little boy will be 26 mths old when they are born. I am English but moved to New Zealand 6 months ago (my husband is from here). My family and friends all live in the UK and my right arm is paralysed. When we found out yesterday my husband was upset and worried (about coping with my arm and without my family and stuff). I feel really excited about it. I know it will be staggeringly hard but I feel special and blessed to have my little boy and soon, twins.
You can do anything you put your mind to, and even if there are days when you can't out your mind to it, it won't matter because your children will still all muddle through as will you!
Think forward 20 years when you will be having Christmas dinner with your lovely big family around you and the noise and fun you will be involved in.
I will definitely be looking to spend as much as we can can afford on help and I have found lots of the comments on this thread super helpful - like putting my little boy first as much as poss. I don't know if doulas are available in new zealand but am going to start looking!
I find it so heartening reading about others in the same situation.

Hi there

I came on mumsnet when I found out I was expectin twins when they were born DS1 had turned 1 3wks. I have found being in a routine the best way, feeding them together trying to get them to sleep together (which doesn't always work!) I have been lucky that DH has been at home do to being made redundent in november of last yr and I don't know wot I would've done without him. Some days its seems so hard but then one of them only has to smile to make it all worth while. You can do it you just manage somehow sometimes having someone round for a cuppa and a chat makes things easier so make use of friends and family and take day by day. I wish luck and hope everyting goes really well for you

jennyroper, feel somewhat chagrined that you have it so much harder than me yet are so upbeat about it all! I think that looking forward a year or five years etc has helped me get through rough times with my two boys, and also taking lots of photos and putting them everywhere! Thinking of xmas in 20 years with my 3 boys and a girl plus their friends etc made me smile

ExpectingKat, just looked at your profile as I was confused by your name v. post - you now have five!! Wow! How old are your twins now? I have a friend with twins and her hubbie also stopped working a little after she had them , it's been so nice for them to do it together I'm quite envious! Although dp fab dad, he does work v.long hours.

lol yeh havn't got round to changing my name. Their 17wks now going through the night and on food they are such characters lol it was such a shock when hubby got made redundent after 17yrs in same job alot of stress but the timin was perfect lol he has loved being at home even if he has realized how hard it is aswell lol
You will manage lol can't remember how many people said to me however will you cope, but you just do, take as much help as you can. I hope everything goes well with your pregnancy, and enjoy lol

AQ
I would be lying if I pretended I am upbeat about it all the time. Just generally in front of other people! I lie in bed at night and wonder how I'm going to feed 2 babies at the same time with one arm, how i will haul the 2 littlies and my toddler up the stairs to our front door (our house is on the 1st floor) and generally if i will ever be able to go out, drink a bottle of wine with friends and still manage the next day!
However a big family is lovely isn't it? we live at the beach so watching them all run round together when they can walk will be a joy.
Wow 3 boys and a girl you will have your work cut out for you.
I now have a battle on my hands here in nz as i would like a homebirth and i can't find any midwife here who is willing to do one.