Trigger warning - baby loss.
I was diagnosed early with TTTS with twins, at around 15 weeks. I had laser ablation at 17+ 6 which confirmed a successful heartbeat in both babies immediately following the procedure. Unfortunately we found out today (two days post procedure) that our donor twin (DT) no longer had a heartbeat. We are obviously devastated and trying to absorb the news. I have so many concerns and questions which are coming in waves as I try to navigate the thought of continuing uncertainty over the next few months:
- I know it's unlikely for DT to be absorbed at this stage and he's likely to turn into a 'paper baby' - will this mean I'm more likely to have a c section if I make it to 35/36w with the surviving recipient twin (RT) ?
- I can't seem to find percentages on the chances that RT will be impacted by the loss, in terms of brain damage, preterm labour, etc - do they exist somewhere? My biggest fear now is that RT doesn't arrive healthy and safely
- Will I still grow to 'look' more like a twin pregnancy or will my body adapt to just the one baby?
- How on earth will I feel when RT hopefully arrives and my other sweet boy isn't there?
- is there anything I should / shouldn't be doing to give RT the best chances of survival now that my placenta has been lasered?
- how can I deal with the uncertainty and ambiguity of the next few months?
Thanks for reading this far if you have - my eyes are so tired from crying all day and I'm not sure where to put my worry as there's so many 'what ifs' still to deal with, whilst also dealing with the loss of my gorgeous boy who just looked like he was sleeping on the untrasound. Any nuggets of wisdom from anyone who has experienced this situation, or similar; are massively appreciated x