Splitting My Twins Up (School)

[Mamofmultiples]

I have 3 year old twins that have started preschool in September this year. They are starting Reception in September 2025, and I have been so undecided whether or not to separate them (parents decision). I was advised to do this sooner with the nursery staff rather than leaving it until reception as they have two separate nursery classes as well. Even if they did a taster to see how they get on apart. They see each other 24/7 at home all the time. But with them being Identical Twins I hope it doesn’t affect them mentally.

I am calling out to all mums with twins or parents that are twins on here. I would like your advice on this. Please 😁

I did when mine started and it was the best thing for them. Mine were B/G twins and despite being different sexes, having entirely different colouring, etc, people still had weird expectations of them. They had different educational and emotional needs and they were better met in separate environments. They are now 18 and have always preferred to be treated as siblings and not “The Twins”.

Hi there fellow twin mom!
My twins are the same age however boy and girl. I'm going to be requesting that the twins stay together in Reception and onwards.
Few reasons really

1. There is a particular child in the pre school who is a trouble maker and the twins were getting into a lot of fights defending each other when the other got into a disagreement with this kid. I don't want either to be in a class with them
2. Being boy and girl they are already pretty independent with own interests and make their own friends
3. I'm a single parent and selfishly and logistically it would be easier to have just one class admin homework trips nativity etc

@somuchtodonextyear Thank you for your advice. I was thinking the same thing about class bullies, etc. I know my twins would support each other. Twin 1 can be quite loud, while Twin 2 is very quiet. One issue I have with the school is they often get my twins mixed up. They even put the wrong twin in time-out good job a TA noticed. If one of the twins is sick, I can't just take the sick child home; I have to take both of them home, which I find unfair. Their nursery has two different classes, they have separate activity days, school trips, meal times, and break times, so if I do decide to separate them they won’t see each other until after school.

Wait what? Why would you have to take both home? If it's a school and different years you don't need to keep siblings off!

I'm of boy girl twins. I separated mine in school as soon as we were able. Which was year 7. From preschool-year 6 they were in single form entry schools. I wish we'd had a choice of 2 form entry.

Even though mine are not identical, and 1 has some additional needs, they (particularly Sen child) compare themselves to each other in terms of what they do/don't have, having friends in a shared class has been challenging to say the least.

Your two will still be twins. But the sooner they can forge their own identity, the better.

My DSDs are in Y6, they've been in the same class all the way through primary. DP feels it was a MASSIVE mistake and I agree. Constant fallings out over friends, both always getting distracted by how well the other is doing etc etc.

They have both asked to go to separate secondary schools which we agree with.

I separated mine through primary. They got to see each other In break times (except during Covid when they had to play separately 🙄).

i felt (and still feel) like I’d give them the opportunity to develop individually. They are now 13 and in year 9. Moving to secondary they asked to be in the same tutor group. It did surprise me but they are 3 years in and like that they can touch base with each other even though they have their own friendship groups that are very different. They aren’t in many classes together due to ability streaming and didn’t language choice, but it’s a good balance.

They are really happy that at primary they had their own space. You need to do what works for your dc. You know them best. Trust your instincts.

Different perspective... I'm a non identical g/g twin and we stayed together throughout. Same class through primary and different forms in secondary and it was great. My parents always made a point never to call us 'the twins' We had different friends in secondary, never felt competitive with one another and definitely felt our own identities. Probably was easier because we look nothing alike.

Identical twins here - they were together for nursery because we had no choice but now separated in Year R and we're happy with that decision so far. They're treated more like individuals than when they were together, they're developing their own skill sets rather than relying on each other to plug the gaps, and it's amazing how competitive they are but being in separate classes helps ("Yes, your sister got the class star this week, but it's not your class so the teacher didn't choose her over you")

The exact same as my brother and I. So happy my mum asked for us to be separated

Edit: our mum

At my children's school they now have the policy to separate all twins- think it came into force 2 years ago. Other schools may have this policy or follow suit?

Teacher here….id separate them, I’ve had a few sets over the years and the twins that are in separate classes settle better and make more friends
Regardless whether you call them the twins there will be children who do and who get them mixed up and I’ve noticed lots of twins that stay together end up becoming competitive with each other.
Keep their lovely bond for home but let them find themselves and their own interests and path in primary at least

I've taught identical twins in nursery and the biggest issue had was that the other children couldn't tell them apart so they just didn't form friendships. A child could be playing with twin A. Building a tower or something and having a lovely time but five minutes later they would try to play with twin B and twin B would just walk off be they didn't know they were supposed to be friends because it wasn't them building the tower.

Some of the dc would call a single child 'DanielMichael' because they couldn't separate them.

I work in a primary school and I would definitely recommend separating them. Most twins go into separate classes.

If twin 1 is louder, then putting them in the same class is likely to be to the detriment of twin 2. Yes, twin 1 may stand up for them, but twin 2 is losing valuable independence and resilience skills by relying on a twin. It will do them no favours in the long run. They are also likely to be in the shadow of their twin. It’s also not fair for twin 1 to almost be responsible for their twin, and to have this weight on them.

There are many quieter children in school who do fine.

I have seen the scenario with a louder and quieter twin. It didn’t go well. Ironically, it actually made the quieter twin less confident (they didn’t learn to stand on their own two feet) and they actually started feeling quite low and compared themselves continually to their louder, more confident twin.

Let them be two individuals when they go to school. On their own journeys. Not reliant/responsible on/for someone else.

I have 9yo non-identical twin boys and separated them from Reception onwards (essentially as soon as I could post COVID!) - it was absolutely the right thing to do for them, they made friends much more easily in their own classes. Our two form entry school has a policy of separating all twins unless a parent has a good reason not to - I would honestly recommend putting them in separate classes if at all possible, it's done wonders for my boys' self confidence.

Another Primary teacher who would recommend separating them.

@Mamofmultiples what did you decide in the end, or have you not decided yet? Are they b/g identical etc?

I need to decide re my non identical g g twins before the following September. It breaks my heart a bit to think of splitting them up!

We have twins and are planning on splitting them to different classes

Hi @purrrge , I have decided to keep them together for another year in early years (Pre-school to Reception).. I have just had a school meeting and I have just found out that they have both been lacking confidence which as come as a shock to me to hear as they are very confident little girls at home. Their teachers have advised us to keep them together as their bond is Unbreakable at the moment and they do have a good friendship with a small group of children in their class that will be in the same class with them when they start reception in September.

We only had one class per year in primary so splitting wasn’t an option, all multiples have to stay together.

Interestingly though a lot do seem to choose to go into different forms when they start the High School.