Pregnant with twins worries

[Brightandbreezey]

Hi all,
I’m pregnant with twins and, if I’m honest I’m a little terrified! I wasn’t expecting twins so it’s a shock. I am 11 weeks. I already have an 18 month old little girl who I adore. I feel so overwhelmed and worried about how to cope with the pregnancy and obviously when the twins get here!
I guess I’m writing this for some advice really… here’s a few questions/worries if anyone with experience can advise me or calms my nerves a little I’d appreciate it.

• If you already have a toddler, how did they cope with it? How did you make time for them? What helped your toddler to accept the change?
• Sleep - I’ve coslept with my 18 month old (currently in process of transitioning to own bed). How did you manage sleep with twins? I’d love to cosleep but if twins are prem I know it’s unsafe. What set up worked for you? Thinking about cot side bed? Did your twins sleep together or separate?
• NICU - if your twins were in NICU. How did you cope? If you have a toddler how did you cope being away from them? What helped?
• Later pregnancy… what helps? How did you stay mobile with a toddler? Were you much bigger than a singleton pregnancy?
• Breastfeeding! It took alllll my time with my first born. How do you cope with two? How do you get anything else done? Did you need to combi feed? How to have time for toddler when breastfeeding.
• Anyone with twins and another older child(ren). How do you cope???

I know it won’t be easy and there will be really tough days but I am just getting so worried and stressed about it all. Any words of wisdom or kind reassurances would be much appreciated. Thank you!

Hi, I'm a twin mum though didn't have other kids. However one of my twin playgroup mummy friend did, and she said she found it easier with her toddler than others did because her 2 year old found them fascinating and less jealousy than with one baby (apparently, don't quote me on that!) I combo fed until 4 months, bf, expressing and bottle. In my twins playgroup some mothers breastfed, others didn't at all so really depends. Do you have a good support network around you? My DH was great plus my mum was around too. Is there anyone to help with your DC? Feel free to ask me any other twin questions x

Thank you so much for replying! I appreciate it. Thanks for the info on breastfeeding… I’m thinking of combi feeding but just not sure.
How old are your twins now? What sleep set up did you choose? How did you manage naps? I always held my little girl or had her in a sling until she was about one, but know that’s not much of an option so the twins and a toddler!
My partner is great and will be off for 4 months, which is amazing! In laws are very helpful but have their own lives and other grandchildren. My parents are pretty useless!

I already had 3 children when I fell pregnant with my twins, my youngest was 3.

My youngest I kept entertained by getting her involved with helping me care for the babies, she fetched nappies, wipes, picked their outfits etc. I bought activities she could do with me whilst stuck on the sofa breastfeeding, sticker books, matching up cards etc then as the twins got a bit more interactive she would tell them stories or play with them on the play mat.

The later stages of pregnancy was hard, I was so tired but I did still manage just about to still get down on the floor with little one, getting back up again was another matter though!

I didn’t co sleep with mine, but instead had 2 bedside cribs on my side of the bed.

I know it’s a worry about how you will cope but somehow you just do. Be prepared for those first weeks to be all over the place, but you will find and settle into a routine that works for you. Try not to feel too much guilt to your toddler, it’s temporary and they will adjust and soon will have 2 new little playmates to get upto mischief with.

Good Luck Mama, you’ll do great!

Hi. I can't lie it's hard and the first 6-12 months will be really hard. But just do whatever you can to get through it and survive. Drastically lower your standards on everything.

To try to answer your questions

• Making time was really difficult. Just had to rely on DH and GPs. Any space minute I had I tried to make it a precious time for older DD. But generally lowered my standards and had lots of cuddles with all 3 on the sofa with TV or book in the early days. Or would go to the park lots with twins in the pram.
• I had 2 x moses baskets next to the bed for sleep. They stayed in this till 6 months (they were small). We did initially put them into a next to me crib together but this didn't really work for my twins. Maybe because they were separated in Special care. I did co sleep a little when they were bigger (over 4 months) but I'm personally not a fan of Co sleeping.
• My girls were in special care for almost a month. For the fist 10 days I stayed in the hospital with them. And DH and/or GP brought DD to visit us daily. Siblings can visit as much as you want them too. Although she would only tolerate around an hour (special care is quite boring). So I would then walk her over to the park across the road from the hospital or take her for lunch in the canteen for some 1:1 time with DD. After 10 days I went home. Then would go to hospital from 8-5pm. So come home for DD tea and bedtime. It wasn't easy and I felt guilty wherever I was.
• I was much bigger. Only managed to get to 33 weeks too. Just had to do what I could. Although I managed to work till the day before the twins arrived (so can't have been too much).
• I combi fed my girls. This was kind of forced on us due to poor weight gain. But I do know lots of twin mums who did manage to EBF twins too.

Things I would reccomend

• Bouncy chair or similar for both twins to put them down after feeding
• Twin feeding pillow. For breast feeding and bottle feeding. Means you can feed both together.
• Accept any help offered
• If able pay/have help for cleaning etc. Cleaner and dog walker was a game changer for me (yes I appreciate being lucky to afford this).

My eldest child was way older so no helpful words re the toddler. Just wanted to comment to say twins are the absolute best. Please enjoy your pregnancy, I listened to too much fear mongering and was stressed and fragile the whole time. Turned out far easier than my singleton.

It's definitely better for sibling jealousy because in basic terms to the existing child it's not another individual to compete with. It's like a novelty thing, "the twins" and they can actually become quite protective over "my twins" when they see the attention twins generate.

The sleep deprivation is a killer because if they aren't on the same body clock schedule, you don't sleep at all. Make no plans for the first 3 months just in case.

Congratulations. And don't listen to the group of twats people who go out of their way to tell you how glad they are they only have one, because twins sounds like a nightmare, are just jealous that you were lucky enough to get something they won't ever have. Anyone decent who genuinely thinks "yikes, sounds tough, rather you than me" will offer future help should you need it.

And take those offers of help. Have people round and hand them one. Then you can take the other in a moses basket while you quickly wash your hair etc. Makes all the difference. People who aren't confident with babies who say "is there anything I can do?"..... Yes, can you make me a lasagne please? There's nothing better than having good food ready made for you, no prep/cooking/washing up pans. Tell someone else you'll have a shepherd's pie, another you'll have a pasta bake etc. Game changer.

I have the same gap - my eldest is now 6 and the twins are 4.

How did the toddler cope - surprisingly well, no issues at all really. We did the 'House inside my mummy' book and bought her a doll 'from the babies' that she could care for herself, which she wasn't particularly fussed by - but she was just so proud to be a big sister! Making time for her wasn't too hard either - remember babies sleep a lot and they'll have you one on one then.

Sleep - I didn't co-sleep with any of mine, but we put the twins in together for as long as they fit in the same cot (not long!) and separate after that.

NICU - no experience of that one, sorry. If it's any reassurance, 50% of twins don't need any help after birth - including my smaller twin who was only 4.5lb when she arrived.

Later pregnancy - yes, I was bigger than with my singleton, but I actually found it easier - every pregnancy is different and a multiples pregnancy isn't necessarily tougher.

Breastfeeding - I managed to combi feed for a few months but frankly, I don't think exclusively breastfeeding would have been possible. And having a toddler is why I switched to full formula when I did. My toddler caught a horrible vomiting bug and wanted me to care for her - it was a case of either exposing the twins to the germs or letting DH take over feeding - an easy choice.

General coping - tip 1, take all the help you can get. There's a charity called Home Start that pairs up volunteers with parents in tricky situations; multiple births being one of them. I had a 2 hour per week visit from a volunteer who'd had twins herself (grown up by that point) and she was there to be an extra pair of hands with literally anything - cleaning, caring for the kids whilst I took a bath, an extra pair of hands to get them out of the house.

Tip 2, get them into a routine. With a singleton, I found it easier to go with the flow/whatever the baby needed - but with twins, having them feeding at the same time and sleeping at the same time makes such a difference.

There's a great fb group called breastfeeding twins and triplets. Lots of support there

I have never been as tired as I was the first few weeks but my twins loved a routine so after a while we did quite well for sleep really, easier than my singleton was once we got into a groove.

I found the later stages of pregnancy really difficult but on the flip side felt absolutely amazing after I'd had them and was up and about quite quickly. My twins were big boys though, born at 36w and 8 and 6lbs

Also agree with whoever said to lower your standards and my friend always reminds me when I feel like I'm drowning that your best looks different at different stages in your life and just because it isn't the same as you'd do before it doesn't mean it's not good enough! X

How did you manage naps?

I do naps in the pram/pushchair. It was the only way I could quickly get both of them to sleep at the same time whilst dealing with a toddler. I initially tried to put them down in a crib for nap. But would take 20 mins to settle each. So for nearly an hour my toddler would fight for my attention. When I switched to napping in the pram/pushchair. I would sit in the garden (dry) or in the kitchen (wet) rocking the pram whilst playing something with my toddler. My twins are now 2 and we still do naps in pushchair (means they will also nap anywhere). But they go down in cots (now beds) at bedtime

I can't help on most of your questions, but re the feeding, a twin breastfeeding pillow was a lifesaver for me. It means you can comfortably have one on each side. I started off feeding them individually, then when we got the hang of that I moved to feeding them together.

We coslept with our twins at first but myself and my husband had one each, started off all in one bed with us in the middle and each curled round a baby on the outside. No one was getting much sleep though so quickly ended up in separate rooms with a twin each! I'm sure you already know about safe cosleeping. We did also have them in snuzpods but took a while before they would go down in them.

I also hoped to breastfeed but knew it would be hard - I couldn't get mine to latch at first (and definitely not both at the same time) so started expressing then found it worked for us - my husband and mum could help with feeds and was quicker than direct breastfeeding but washing and sterilising bottles and pumps is a faff. The one twin mum I know who is directly breastfeeding said she struggles to do it out and about. Someone already recommended the breastfeeding twins Facebook group which is great. I've managed to make enough milk for both and would recommend starting to harvest colostrum from 36w or whenever your midwife says and borrowing a hospital grade pump if you have to stay in for a while to get your supply up!

I was/am a single parent and had a 4 year old at the time. Accepted it very well considering. I asked anyone who came to acknowledge dc1 and get dc1 to introduce to dt.
Sleep - when i was pregnant i met a midwife who'd had twins and she said to try them sleeping together as they settle each other (you can't rock twins to sleep easily especially as they get bigger). I had them in a moses basket together then in a cot together. They always slept better than my singleton (even now as teens)!
I was lucky they didn't need nicu however I did need bedrest and then hospitalisation for two weeks so ended up dc1 was at grandparents and a little unsettled but managed.
Later pregnancy- I looked full term at 20 weeks, and grew out of maternity wear! It was very uncomfortable but I got to 37 weeks some how and soon forgotten (I also looked very pregnant afterwards compared to singleton)!
Breastfeeding -in the long run probably easier than making so many bottles, I bf till 13 months. I made sure dt had same routine so fed at the same time. It's difficult to feed both at same time when out so I'd express feed one with a bottle and one bf. Cover a chair with a sheet because winding two at once it's difficult to catch any vomiting!
Also I had to becareful with mastitis when they dropped feeds as it was dropping two feeds each time so I would express for a few days.
Dc1 coped well considering. Got fed up if we were out as lots stopped to ask if they were twins so we made a game up of how many times we'd be stopped. Our record was 14 in a small Asda getting a few items.
Dc1 would help choose nappies, outfits etc.
We had a special box of drinks and snacks for when I couldn't get them. Also a box of books that we could read while bf. Before I sat down to feed I'd get dc1 doing something. Basically dt got used to waiting, dc1 became more independent and we had a very strict routine. Everyone including me went to bed a 7pm for first two years I think. When I went back to work I had a almost military routine to get us all out for 750. Mine are now 15/15 and 19 and they are all quite independent and rub along well together.
I think it's normal to be worried, it's a lower your standards moment, have a strict routine and if everyone is safe, fed and watered your doing OK.

I had a very similar age gap but they are all grown up now
I would say- ignore people who doubt you can BF twins, it really is a whole lot easier but definitely get one of those crescent shaped cushions. I say this because- it saves the faff of sterilising/making formula up etc, plus they will definitely get a cuddle each time they're fed- its an obvious job for well meaning others to take over but actually, while you are bf you are bonding plus you are resting, not cleaning.
Re the toddler, make any changes NOW asap and not around the time of the birth I made the mistake of toilet training the toddler a few months before twins were born, he regressed when they arrived
Take any help you can provided it is actually useful and don't be afraid to be specific about what you need. A nice thing is for someone to take the new babies out for a walk so you have 1-1 time with the toddler
The first year is completely exhausting, take pics as it will be a blur. But I found the hardest part was actually when they were mobile but not yet able to be left alone for more than a minute, and would always run in oppoisite directions when out. Use reins.
I was absolutely huge yes and you need help in late pregnancy, to rest.
Sleeping- they slept together in one cot I think for about 6 weeks, in our room, then I think in 2 separate cots in our room till maybe 6 months
I don't know if its still a possibility but I got a student on placement from a local college for a few weeks - tbh she wasn't that great but it did mean I could go to the loo in peace sometimes

Mine are now 9 so it feels like a lifetime ago. Am conscious I haven't your experience of already having a toddler so apologies in advance as it may not be appropriate to you but some tips just for twins which really helped me. The first few months I had a bf pillow which helped. I never had the experience of slings or carriers as couldn't do that with twins. We had Moses baskets until around 5 months, and 2 bouncers where they loved sitting in in the day at times. I got a large playmat with hanging toys which they liked. I'm not going to lie it is hard in the first year but I set quite a strict sleep routine, because I wanted them sleeping together which helped massively. I started around 5 months to take them up at 6pm, set a quiet downtime, bath, put them in their shared cots with a divider. Even if they didn't fall asleep for a while they got used to this and after a few weeks by 7pm they would sleep and then wake 2/3 times a night for a feed. However, this was only because they were bottle fed by this time and if I had still been breastfeeding they would probably have needed to wake more, but by setting a routine and bf together if you do, you may find they will wake at similar times. It happened with mine - very conscious not all are the same so can only give you my experience. I have no idea what it feels like to have a single baby but I can tell you this. Having twins is such a beautiful and amazing thing. In many ways it is so much easier the older they get as even from an early age, they always have eachother and are aware of the others presence. Mine are best friends although they are not identical and are quite different they absolutely love eachother. Even though I was absolutely knackered in the first year or two, I look back on it as the best time of my life. I would say really important to involve your toddler as much as is reasonably possible, They will also love their older sibling and because twins are used to sharing mum from the start they will be very much used to you being around your toddler too. You will feel like a rock star when they are babies taking them out as I was stopped almost every minute with people wanting to look at them!

Wow! Thank you each and every one of you for your responses! I’m a bit blown away by all the kind words and advice!
I am going to take a bit of time to carefully read through all your comments and will reply again soon but I just wanted to say a massive thank you to you all!! Amazing! X

My twins are my only children so I can't comment on a lot of your points, and we not yet a year in so I'm no expert! But on the points I can contribute:

(1) Cosleeping - my twins were a little prem and one was very small (SIUGR) so I've only done it when completely at the end of my tether for a few hours in the early morning but I lay crossways at the bottom of my bed in the C position with both twins, but being sure that there was decent space between them. I did not really do more than doze. The boys mostly slept in bassinets until six months and then two cots. From the twin mums I know, most have had more success in putting their babies in cots/bassinets than firstborn single babies - whether that's by necessity or some weird twin thing I don't know!

(2) NICU - we were expecting NICU babies but were lucky that I held onto them long enough that we "only" ended up in special car. It was a bit shit tbh but very survivable. Tips for NICU - have a big water bottle which you can hang on the corner of a chair so you don't have to get up a lot or bend over (if you've had a traumatic birth or CSection this is important); always have a notebook handy and write everything down because keeping track of two babies' medical information when you are in the midst of post birth hormones and have a brain like a sieve is a nightmare; don't be afraid to stick in some headphones and just zone everyone else out - the wards are busy especially with transfers in and out and I found it overwhelming, especially when you are juggling two feeding and changing schedules and trying to find a spare minute to pump/eat/occasionally cry.

(3) Later pregnancy - I actually felt the best at the end! But I had HG and then a horribly stressful second trimester so a low baseline... I was pretty mobile right until the end (34 weeks), was measuring the equivalent of a 48 week pregnancy. The worst thing was the horrendous heartburn - it was so bad I'd often vomit in the middle of the night but omeprazole really helped - don't be shy in asking for these things if you need it! I worked until 31 weeks but was struggling by then especially with the commute.

(4) Breastfeeding - this was one of the hardest things for me - it felt like a battle right from the get go and I never got my supply up to feed both fully. Part of that was circumstance - I never got "magic hour", we only managed to try direct feeding at day 3, we were in hospital over Christmas so there was little feeding support available, the pumps never really seemed to work properly on me, and the boys were just ravenously hungry from the get go. In the end I combi fed to 10 weeks and then my supply just died. I think if you were to succeed then you'd pretty much need to be entirely focussed on feeding for the first six weeks or so - so any help you can to have feed and water you, look after the house/your toddler would be massive. Nail tandem feeding as soon as you can - you'll probably need someone to pass you the second twin in the early days, and I found initially I could only really do it in bed. If you want to pump you might need to go through a few (double!) pumps until you find one which actually works. But don't feel bad if you end up combi feeding - I know an awful lot of twin mums who had to from the start.

Best of luck with everything. The early days are tough but it is really special!

Hi. Our son was 22m when our twins were born. I found the transition from 1 to 3 easier than 0 to 1, even though it’s certainly more work.

Brilliant your husband will be off for 4 months, that’s fantastic. Would you consider/be in a position to put the older child in childcare even part time after that?

Few tips would be getting a gift from each of the twins to the older child when they come home. And a few new cheapy toys tucked aside for moments where you just need something to distract/entertain the eldest. Try and fit one-on-one time in with the toddler, even just a few mins when possible. Meal prep as much as you can. It was important to me that we kept our routine as close to normal as possible for the toddler, which included eating dinner together at the same time each day, so having something semi-healthy we could whack in the microwave was a godsend. And on the subject of routines, if your eldest is in a routine, I think you’ll find the twins slot in to that. The benefit of having not yet left the baby/toddler stage is not having to fully adjust to it all over again.

Twin pregnancy is always going to be harder than singleton but it was nowhere near as hard as I was expecting. What was your first pregnancy like? I had a great first pregnancy. With the twins I found the last 3 weeks uncomfortable as i swole up a lot during that period but otherwise it was good! I was induced at 37 weeks (spontaneous labour at 38w with my first). No NICU stay, went home the next day.

Can’t comment on breastfeeding or co-sleeping except to say if it makes life a little easier, don’t feel bad about combi-feeding / formula. If you’re keen to try to breastfeed I believe there’re fb support groups for breastfeeding multiples. We had ours in a shared cot bed until they started rolling around. You might find if they sleep together they settle each other in a similar way to cosleeping?

Twins are a lot, esp with a small toddler. The nappies will be endless for a while. But it’s also very special and the eldest won’t remember a time before the twins. They will likely also be at an age where their language will really start coming on which will only help. Try and get out for little walks with them. It’s good for the head and you’ll feel like a celebrity 😁

My first was 23 months when my twins were born. I breastfed for nearly a year.

My husband was very hands on but had two weeks off only. He did only work 4 days.

It was a tough year, I won't lie. I refer to it as a lost year as it was heavy going.

Other than husband I had no other support. DC did go to nursery for a couple of mornings but that got too expensive and actually more stressful trying to get out of the house.

Like someone said, going from 0 to 1 was a bigger change than going from 1 to 3.

The midwife advised not to potty train the eldest until later as it just added pressure.

I didn't cosleep but I would probably say if you want to stop that to get that sorted now rather than when the twins arrive.

It gets expensive as you have to buy an extra cot, car seat, high chair etc.

We used a double buggy and a buggy board for the eldest when she was a bit older.

Roll on to later years and it's a pleasure, fantastic to have them all so close and the early years are a distant memory.

I did find it tough though x

Sorry to butt in, but can I ask how old all of yours are now, and how would you summarise the different years/stages? And do you have boys/girls/a mix? I am wondering what I might be able to expect with the same gap.. Nice to hear them described as a pleasure 😀

They are 17 and 19 now but they have been a pleasure for a long time!

I think definitely the first year was the hardest, then once they start to be able to do things for themselves and start to talk it gets easier and much easier as they get more self sufficient and start school.

Really our whole lives revolved around them and then one day my husband and I were sitting in and realised they were all out and we really didn't have to be waiting in anymore. 🥲

All girls.

Thank you again absolutely all of you for such amazing advice! I’ve had a bit of time to read and properly digest everything you’ve all said. I’ve made notes too!
Everything everyone has said has eased my worries and I feel a bit more relaxed. I know it’s not going to be easy but it will be doable and I know I will look back with fond memories and miss all the cute newborn things! Thank you again everyone xx