Struggling with feeding twins

[northernmomma]

Hi all,

I'm a mum to two six week old twin girls.

I had a difficult birth and so our girls have been combination fed (bf, expressed BM and formula) since birth as I was unable to breastfeed them initially in hospital. During my pregnancy, we really wanted to try to exclusively breastfeed them but since getting home, my husband and I have realised that it's probably not feasible for a couple of reasons (my milk supply and time/sanity as tandem feeding not working for us) but are a bit lost as to how best to structure combination feeding so the girls get the best of both and I maintain some BM supply. Our twins are going through a growth spurt and feeding has just been all over the place for the past few days, but they had been gaining weight well before this.

I'm also struggling with feeding them more generally - when I'm on my own, I'm finding it a bit stressful and upsetting if they both get hungry at the same time and one gets upset waiting for a feed.

Just feeling like I'm failing at this a little. Somen other parents in our antenatal group are already taking their babies to all sorts of classes and baby groups. Going for a walk with them on my own makes me nervous and at home, feeding/naps/nappies seem to take up the day that I can't even begin to think about classes!

I worry we aren't doing enough for/with them and that I'm not being a good mum.

I'm sorry for rambling on - we don't know any other parents of multiples in our local area, and are struggling a bit to know what's best to do/what we need to do at this point without feeling like we're getting it wrong.

Any advice to help us achieve a good balance would be so welcome, thanks!

I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone - I could have written this post 3 years ago!

I also had to combine breast / express / formula and life just felt like a never ending circuit of feeding, pumping, sterilising, prepping bottles. I could never get the hang of tandem feeding either. It was so incredibly tough and no-one really got it! I was determined to continue with breast milk as far as possible to the six month mark, and while I’m glad I did, I do think that made it near impossible to get out much by myself in those early months. It’s not as if you can whack out the double pump while you bottle feed your girls in the park! I used to beat myself up daily about not doing enough with my girls when all the other new mums seemed to be breezing through daily trips out, coffee dates and classes while I could barely get out of the door.

It’s hard not to compare yourself to others, but try not to (especially if they only have one baby!) - the first few months I think you just have to muddle through and survive! It absolutely will get easier to get out, do classes etc as you start to implement a routine and milk feeds don’t quite rule you as they once did. It’s hard when you’re in the thick of it I know, but this time will pass so quickly!

So no real advice, other than to encourage you to be kind to yourself and hang on in there - the first few months truly are brutal and I think very isolating with twins. I met two local twin mums through the health visitors, those friendships have been a real blessing at times when no-one else gets it! Perhaps this is something you can explore?

I was were you are 15 years ago.
Looking back I would knock expressing on head, it took up so much time and energy. If they've had it to start with great.
I set my pair up in baby bouncers and fed them together. Because if I didn't one would start screaming.
After a couple of months I moved them onto the same feeding schedule for my sanity.
Do whatever makes your life easier.
The first four months were brutal but it does get easier.

If you do want to express make sure you are doing regularly including during the night.

Baby bouncers or twin pillow for bottle feeds. I always fed together to try and sync them as far as possible. One after the other never worked for us, this way meant less crying (from us all!).

OP you have TWINS so double the effort all other mums have. Many mums struggle feeding one growing baby. Don’t feel guilty, get them both on bottles, get DH, your mum, his mum, your boss, the postman or whoever else wants to chip in and get them to help you!!!

ps being facetious about the boss and postman of course. Although we do laugh that my nan had 4 and by the time her last kid came along she would walk into church (vicar’s wife), dump my uncle on the lap of whoever was sat in the front row, and say can you sort him out please (before running after my mum (child no3) who was causing chaos by this point.

It is really hard. I think every twin mum has had those thoughts of being crap because you can't look after 2 babies at once. One baby requires full time attention let alone two! Remember - it's not you being rubbish!!

It's all a bit blurry when I think back and it was only 2.5 years ago. It takes practixe to get them on the feeding pillow (if you're bfing them together) confidently. Sometimes I fed them separately just as it was easier. But of course more time consuming.

Have you joined the twins trust? They have webinars and advice which is so helpful and lots on feeding. All the staff are twin parents! X

Get yourself to a twins club OP, they will get it… someone at mine had TRIPLETS! She was superwoman!
it’s gets easier, hang in there and massive congratulations

Also have you thoufht about dummies if one has to wait for a feed? We tried and ours just bloody spat them out... but it buys you time and some sanity if one won't stop crying. (Similarly noise cancelling headphones!)

Mine are now 13. I did the whole combination thing too. It made me ill in the end.

When they went onto full time bottles they were happier, I was happier.

2 bouncers and sit in the middle of them. I never fed them one at a time ever.

I combination feed for the first four months until I started weaning onto solids (earlier twenty years ago). What I did was feed one alternately bottle and other breast at crucial points ie (early evening or when out and about when I was feeling desperate but the rest of the time I tandem fed on demand, so as often as possible. I fed singly at night but one usually woke straight after the other. I assigned a breast to each baby!
By six months I had a considerable advantage over other twin mums in that feeding was very quick and easy and going out was much much easier as I didn't need to worry about bottles.
Persevere. It will improve if you feed on demand. But don't be afraid to give bottles of formula ocassionally. Better in morning or early evening. You need to boost night time feeds as prolactin levels higher then so don't give bottles at night. Also night feeds are lovely and cosy.
Six weeks is very early days, coffee dates will come soon enough, get out but baby mooning at this stage will pay off.
It doesnt have to be all or nothing
Expressing didn't work for me.
The occasional bottle meant I sometimes took one out and left the other with my husband; that was a treat to go to a coffee /trip /visit with just one baby (breastfed)

Also I fed for nearly 20 months and it was invaluable in times of illness. I had a toddler too when they were born. But you need to look after yourself in other ways and concentrate on the breastfeeding to the exclusion of some other things, like ironing or housework or socialising. But it is only for a little while then things are easier than with bottle-feeding!!!

I only had one and never took her to baby groups due to my anxiety. She's 12 now, at a Grammar school. It really didn’t make any difference. You have two, don’t sweat it. Just do what you need to do to cope, you have their best interests at heart and that's enough.

I also didn’t breastfeed by choice but you are amazing doing what you're doing for them, don’t forget that.

All bets are off with twins. You do what you need to do to survive, and whatever that is - well done. 6 weeks is a low point with all babies, in my experience. The adrenaline from giving birth has worn off, exhaustion has set in, and you have found your rhythm yet. Trust me - if anyone is going to a baby class, it’s for the parent’s sanity, not for the baby’s sake! Hang in there. You’ll find your way with feeding in the next few weeks (BF, FF, mixed, whatever). Accept help whenever you can get it, and give yourself grace in spades.

Really good pillows under your arms are invaluable for tandem feeding. Thermoses of warm drinks/phone,/music.
I used to sing a lot to the twins if one was crying. It made me feel better!!
Changing tables upstairs and downstairs.
A really comfortable easy to push buggy for outings.
Ready meals, quiches, fish pie, crumbles,custard in quantity.

I think the incredible time saving breastfeeding twins is also not to be underestimated
Hours not spent sterilising bottles and making them up. Same time spent staring into their eyes when feeding or cuddling them.
No one tells you this.
With twins you can give the occasional bottle of formula and your supply doesn't dry up like it might with a singleton. But at the beginning it is important to demand feed and six weeks is 'the beginning"

I dont have any advice as to feeding twins but this stuck out for me

"Somen other parents in our antenatal group are already taking their babies to all sorts of classes and baby groups. Going for a walk with them on my own makes me nervous and at home, feeding/naps/nappies seem to take up the day that I can't even begin to think about classes!"

I have my 8 week old baby at home and feeding/naps/nappies takes up my whole day and I am still bewildered and confused as to what I am doing. Leaving the house also feels daunting despite this being a singleton baby and having done all this before. I remember when my DS was born I felt totally overwhelmed by all the pram parts and going for a walk!

You have two, so I take my hat off to you. Baby classes are more for mums at this stage, babies do not care as long as they are looked after and loved. Six weeks is still so tiny - pat yourself on the back for keeping them fed and clean on your own whilst adjusting to this seismic shift in your life. There will be time for getting out and about in the months and years to come - and of course you will. Take one step at a time and take care of yourself.

I knocked expressing on the head at six weeks, it just wasn't working. We were all much happier when when we switched. I fed them at the same time in their bouncy chairs. Good luck with whatever you decide!