Expecting twins with five year old sibling

SJ188 · 2024-03-26T20:44:06+00:00

After years of TTC we have just found out we are expecting twins after an early 6 week scan. I’m over the moon but am also feeling really anxious. We have a five year old daughter who has been longing for a sibling, but I’m worried about how the dynamic will be with such a large age gap. I don’t want her to feel left out or isolated…I’m sure it won’t be the case and I’m worrying unnecessarily, but anyone in a similar position with any tips would be gratefully received!

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BakeOffRewatch · 26/03/2024 20:48

Congratulations! I’m not in your exact situation, but pg with a 4 year age gap. My toddler is asking for 2 babies so your 6yo might love the idea. When my toddler plays with 6-7yo family members, the older child finds it tiring and intense, so it might be nice to have twins playing with each other when they’re 2-5yo and you can spend time with your older child. Twins are tough, but I don’t think you have to worry about your 6yo on top of your other worries, she’ll probably feel more included as she’ll have the opportunity to fetch you things as you wrangle two!

Fridgefreezermagnets · 27/03/2024 19:45

Congratulations have a singleton then twins with a five year age gap. Their all now teenagers/adults.
I also worried about this (especially as I was a single parent).
Things that helped was making sure dc1 was as independent as possible before dt were born. A good routine for all of us eg no one went downstairs till washed and dressed so I could get them all out the door for school run on time.
Specific times where I did 1:1 with dc1. On teacher training days id book the day off work, dt to nursery and we'd have a day out doing something specifically that would be hard with dt eg cinema, ice skating.
A basket of books that i could read while I was BF dt and we made up special noises when dc1 needed to turn the page.
Dc1 had special jobs to help.
Getting dc1 involved (thinks he chose its names as I gave a list and then dc1 picked from it).
An area in main living area where dc1 can play but dt can't get so dc1 could set up lego/trains/cars without dt messing them up.
I tried to sleep when dc1 was at school to have energy when dc1 was home. We'd do things like go to park during nap time, dt would sleep and I'd spend time with dc1.
I had a sling for inbyhe house so if dt were unsettled one in sling, one under arm and a spare hand to help dc1.
Getting dt used to being put down and having to wait their turn.
Asking visitors to greet dc1 before dt.
Having a game when out and the 10th person asks are they twins? We'd guess how many would ask.
Asking dc1 what clothes dt should wear or what yoghurt they would like just basically getting dc1 involved in what ever I was doing.
Dc1 is 20 now the gap has always meant that they're at different stages but have all had a good relationship. Dt1 especially looks up to dc1. The gap is noticeable more at times eg when dc1 went to secondary school/started uni but there's always been a bond there.
If anything I think I overcompencated with dc1 and gave extra attention.

Original poster

SJ188 · 27/03/2024 21:41

Thank you both so much for your replies and tips! They’re really helpful and much appreciated.

OP posts:

twinnies1987 · 05/04/2024 13:08

Fridgefreezermagnets · 27/03/2024 19:45

Congratulations have a singleton then twins with a five year age gap. Their all now teenagers/adults.
I also worried about this (especially as I was a single parent).
Things that helped was making sure dc1 was as independent as possible before dt were born. A good routine for all of us eg no one went downstairs till washed and dressed so I could get them all out the door for school run on time.
Specific times where I did 1:1 with dc1. On teacher training days id book the day off work, dt to nursery and we'd have a day out doing something specifically that would be hard with dt eg cinema, ice skating.
A basket of books that i could read while I was BF dt and we made up special noises when dc1 needed to turn the page.
Dc1 had special jobs to help.
Getting dc1 involved (thinks he chose its names as I gave a list and then dc1 picked from it).
An area in main living area where dc1 can play but dt can't get so dc1 could set up lego/trains/cars without dt messing them up.
I tried to sleep when dc1 was at school to have energy when dc1 was home. We'd do things like go to park during nap time, dt would sleep and I'd spend time with dc1.
I had a sling for inbyhe house so if dt were unsettled one in sling, one under arm and a spare hand to help dc1.
Getting dt used to being put down and having to wait their turn.
Asking visitors to greet dc1 before dt.
Having a game when out and the 10th person asks are they twins? We'd guess how many would ask.
Asking dc1 what clothes dt should wear or what yoghurt they would like just basically getting dc1 involved in what ever I was doing.
Dc1 is 20 now the gap has always meant that they're at different stages but have all had a good relationship. Dt1 especially looks up to dc1. The gap is noticeable more at times eg when dc1 went to secondary school/started uni but there's always been a bond there.
If anything I think I overcompencated with dc1 and gave extra attention.

So many great tips!

TheMagicDeckchair · 09/04/2024 21:03

Fridgefreezermagnets · 27/03/2024 19:45

Congratulations have a singleton then twins with a five year age gap. Their all now teenagers/adults.
I also worried about this (especially as I was a single parent).
Things that helped was making sure dc1 was as independent as possible before dt were born. A good routine for all of us eg no one went downstairs till washed and dressed so I could get them all out the door for school run on time.
Specific times where I did 1:1 with dc1. On teacher training days id book the day off work, dt to nursery and we'd have a day out doing something specifically that would be hard with dt eg cinema, ice skating.
A basket of books that i could read while I was BF dt and we made up special noises when dc1 needed to turn the page.
Dc1 had special jobs to help.
Getting dc1 involved (thinks he chose its names as I gave a list and then dc1 picked from it).
An area in main living area where dc1 can play but dt can't get so dc1 could set up lego/trains/cars without dt messing them up.
I tried to sleep when dc1 was at school to have energy when dc1 was home. We'd do things like go to park during nap time, dt would sleep and I'd spend time with dc1.
I had a sling for inbyhe house so if dt were unsettled one in sling, one under arm and a spare hand to help dc1.
Getting dt used to being put down and having to wait their turn.
Asking visitors to greet dc1 before dt.
Having a game when out and the 10th person asks are they twins? We'd guess how many would ask.
Asking dc1 what clothes dt should wear or what yoghurt they would like just basically getting dc1 involved in what ever I was doing.
Dc1 is 20 now the gap has always meant that they're at different stages but have all had a good relationship. Dt1 especially looks up to dc1. The gap is noticeable more at times eg when dc1 went to secondary school/started uni but there's always been a bond there.
If anything I think I overcompencated with dc1 and gave extra attention.

This is fantastic advice!

I have a smaller gap, 3yr between my eldest girl and boy twins. I worried that my eldest would be left out when they arrived but she and dt2 absolutely adore each other (and fight but that’s siblings). Dt1 is more the outsider (but perfectly happy), he is less sociable and stays out of the drama. Personality seems to have a much greater sway than age with mine.