When do twins get easier? Please!

[badmonkeybananas]

Hoping for some insight here.

Single Mum (EX-DH walked out when DTs were a few months old and sees them sporadically). I work a busy job to keep a roof over our heads and DTs are due to start preschool in the new year.

DTs are 2 and it feels like the moment they turned 2 everything got so much harder! Tantrums, not sharing toys, pushing, general competing for my sole attention...

They have beautiful moments where they play, cuddle and laugh together... but outside of that everything is just exhausting! Leaving the house is like a military exercise and both twins run in opposite directions with no fear.

Friends who have 2 or more children often say "Oh this is what I did with mine"... but having two and different ages, and in most cases a second parent to help... feels like a world apart.

Twin parents; what age did your twins begin to get easier? Do you think preschool might help?

Yours,
A tired and weary Mum

[Curlyshabtree]

It really does get easier! I remember the twos when they went in different directions….you will laugh about it in the future.
I do think pre school will be great for them and will prepare them for school. My dts are 16 are getting ready for their GCSEs in the summer. Seeing them revising together is very heart warming.
Hang in there! I am sure plenty of other twin mums will be along to confirm it really does get easier 😀

[Ornamentalcabbages]

Single mother here too, and each stage gets easier than the last, but 2 was brutal. Mine are now 4 and started reception in September, but preschool will definitely help! Parents of two, but of different ages, will not understand the extra work that comes with twins - it's just not comparable, even though I'm sure they have good intentions with their advice!

[sparkle17]

It definitely gets easier but as you are a single mum I can only imagine how tough it can be. Arrange to meet friends at a park, soft play etc as they will often give you a helping hand.
When my twins turned 4 it felt alot easier.
Hang on in there

[BigBoysDontCry]

Lots of twins in my family, my two are 13 months apart which is another story...

From what I've seen and experienced, later in age 2 and into age 3 most get better at listening and understanding and generally communicating. Well, at least 1 twin will which helps a lot. It can be personality driven too in that one will just mature (for the most part) a bit faster and be a bit more bidable than the other.

[Wetweatherandmud]

I agree that this is the worst age. Backpack reins and a double buggy were essential. There are huge benefits too. They really stick up for one another at pre-school and school, they have similar interests being the same age and they can comfort one another when their parent isn't around. You'll be so glad they are twins in the not too distant future.

[GreatBigYou]

3 was a real turning point for mine in listening and just being more sensible. At two I remember I was changing one poorly nappy outside (because couldn't face getting them both into the toilet) and the other one just ran off. They were a complete nightmare.

But they did get so much better and there's moments of real loveliness.

Hand on in there. Also, can you connect with other twin parents? I find I just don't talk about issues with mine to singleton parents, it's just totally different and they don't get it and just make you feel bad.

I had a singleton after my twins and it's just a whole different world.

[HappyAsASandboy]

You are at a very very hard stage physically. Dressing two kids is more than twice as hard as dressing one kid, walking with two is more than twice as hard as walking with one .....

By 4 years I was on maternity leave with DC3, and I have happy happy memories of driving to a huge country park and the twins would scoot off together with instructions to stay within sight while I walked behind with the pram. They could be trusted to stay in sight. They'd race and play together. They could sit on normal chairs in the cafe and eat without help. Although they needed me to go into the toilets with them (so we'd all have to go!), they could manage alone once in there.

So definitely by 4 they were much much much easier!

[badmonkeybananas]

Thankyou so much for these responses all! I feel brighter already.

Huge guilt because I love DTs SO much but I never get one on one time with either of them and so naturally they compete for my attention.

I'm hopeful time and preschool will help!

[izzy2076]

Between 18 months and 3 was horrific! Taking them to playgrounds and one would run towards a swing and another would be getting out of the gate and having to choose who to run after! I found 4 was when they hit the sweet spot. The years between 4 and 9 were lovely as they play with each other so are less clingy to you and it feels like such a gift after the hellish bit.

They are 13 now and although they aren't symbiotic (they don't acknowledge each other at school!) they still both say they'd choose each other to rescue in a fire over their parents!