Twin Tips / Twin Mum Wisdom needed!

[Twinsincoming23]

Hi, I am expecting DCDA twins, currently 13 weeks. I already have a 3 year old.

I am looking to gather all of the TWIN TIPS from you amazing wise twin mummas please!

I am clueless, need know about:

Double buggies, I prefer a side by side and will need a buggy board

Car/car seats, I'm planning to convince husband to change to a Peugeot 5008, what car seats for the twins and what for my 3 year old (just under 1m tall and FF)

Sleep, what to do? Keep them together, for how long, and in what? For upstairs and downstairs?

Feeding, i prefer to BF if possible but is it possible?

Routines, any advice?

What do i need to buy, what can I get away without buying?

Any good books recommended on how to manage all this?

And any other amazing useful tips or advice you can offer?

Thank you :)

Congratulations!!!!!
buggy: we loved our mountain buggy duet.
sleep: our two were in the cot together for about seven months then when DS got too wriggly we moved him into his own cot.
feeding: it is possible… highly recommend joining the fb group feeding twins and triplets for support. I personally combi fed after a few days as both mine lost too much weight and this worked for us. My GP had had twins and suggested alternating feeds bf/bottle and this really helped me! Tandem feeding really worked for some twin mums but I never managed to get the hang of it.

A good cushion/bouncy chairs were helpful so that when one was feeding, the other was comfy.

Advice: find your local twins group! Those are your people. And enjoy! Six years in and I would still say yes to two embryos going in 😁

I'll have to stop myself from writing my life story, but I have/had the same age gap as you, 3 yr old and baby twins.
Basically:
Side by side - we started with a 3rd hand mountain buggy duet, got sick of how huge and heavy it was, so now we have the nano duo. No good for newborns but for toddlers (my twins are now two) it's brilliant and folds up v small.

For sleep I kept them in one cot in our living room for about 7 months, and tag teamed it with my partner overnight, so that each of us got a solid 5 hours sleep while the other dozed on the sofa and looked after the babies. This worked for us. When they were 7 months I moved them I to their own cots in their room, sleep trained at 8 months.

I combi fed for a few months but went to bottle pretty quickly, mostly because I needed the sleep overnight. Lots of mums do BF, check out the Facebook group. For me, I had no interest in putting any pressure on myself so just took it easy and did what worked!

Routine- not til about 7/8 months for us. Once you start to have meal times and a fairly regular 2 naps a day, then I found it pretty easy to put them in a routine and keep them on it, it just takes commitment and really really wanting them to be in the same routine so that I could have nap times to do housework and eat chocolate biscuits in silence whilst staring into space.

I won't bore you with any more information! It's SO subjective! Apart from that all books felt totally useless to me and just irritating, and that the absolute key things to own were two feeding cushions and two bouncers.

Good luck! It truly is a wild ride. My little two have an amazing relationship and I love watching them grow together.

Ps- when I say 'fairly easy to put them in a routine', thinking back, that's total bollocks. It was actually very difficult, running between one twin and the other, rocking them, shushing and patting etc, while feeling guilty about my older one who I was bribing to stay quiet in the corridor with smarties and Cbeebies on my laptop, but, once done, completely worth the effort and easy enough to maintain!!

Yes to tag teaming, shifts when they are very little.
Getting them used to combi feeding is good. When all goes well you can exclusively BF but even a cold can knock you down and mum needs sleep to cope.
Find a pushchair that suits your needs.
You might need to change car to fit in all the seats.
Say yes to help.
Baby carriers, pop them in and play/ go out with your 3 YO
The first three or 4 months are hard work, but you will be so tired you don't remember.

Oooh congratulations
I had an expensive one in front of the other buggy - got sacked off pretty quickly for a cheap side by side off fb marketplace

I had a Tommie tippe machine upstairs and downstairs and a travel cor downstairs

Yes to a sling so I could hold both at once

The jumparoo was a bloody god send

Try any routine that works

I found that just surviving is a perfectly acceptable routine

Oh and not to listen to lots of advice from anyone if one baby !

I still remember stood outside a shopping centre sobbing after Dtwins had gone MENTAL in Clark's. A lovely lady came outside and over to me - introduced herself as having had twins 20 years ago. She took one whilst I just stood and cried. She was amazing.

Double buggies - I ended up with both as found side by side meant I couldn't get dc1 into school easily, or access the local shops.

Car/car seats - I had both twins passenger side because I could park accordingly to get them out and dc1 sat in back next to one twin as he could climb over seats if necessary.

Sleep - had a moses basket downstairs and one up, then a cot bed as these are a bit bigger. They slept together till 22 months (then went into separate beds but often found them together).

Feeding - I breastfed for the 1st year, tandem fed, woke them if one woke. I expressed so if we were out dt1 could have a bottle (dt2 would never have a bottle) as its a bit undignified tandem feeding. The only draw back was when they naturally reduced feeds it was double and I got mastitis alot. Unfortunately the bf group were useless (I think I taught them) as I was the first twin mum they'd had.

Routines were very strict, I woke one if the other needed feeding etc and they soon got into the same routine. I never rocked them to sleep (I was a single parent I didn't have enough hands) so I put them down together and just stayed with them till they went to sleep. I always showered and got dressed after first feed (before dc1 woke) so I was ready for the day, it made me feel better.

You don't need double of everything. I did have large sheets that went over the sofa because if your winding two babies and they're sick you can't wipe it all up immediately. A sling for in the house was great (one in sling, one under arm and a spare hand for helping dc1, making dinner etc). Bouncy chairs were great to keep them both upright after feeds. Muslin squares were very useful. Dc1 had a special basket of snacks if I was busy could go get one himself, also a basket of special toys, books and games for when I was breastfeeding and couldn't do anything, the TV also went on a little more often (but it got us through some busy evenings). I changed our routine to fit, so main meal was often at lunch time because evenings were too busy/tired dc and at least it meant we ate a proper meal. Did alternative nights bathing so different twin each night till it was safe to have them all in together. When dt started crawling we had an area in the lounge they couldn't get to so if dc1 needed some alone time he could play there without the twins breaking his toys.

I think it's all about what gets you all through at first, and as longs as everyone is safe it doesn't matter how you get there.

Oh god, I could waffle for ages but I think my biggest advice would be:

1. Accept any help offered.
2. Find your local twin group. My local twin mums were life savers during my maternity.
3. Seat Alhambra. (We got an Smax, regret it now). Seat has huge boot, 7 seats with isofix and SLIDEY DOORS.
4. You absolutely can BF twins but you need good support, especially with an older one to manage, whilst you're setting up your supply. Find the BF twins Facebook group (Kathyryn Stagg does Facebook live sessions which are brilliant), get a good pillow (peanut and piglet was superb for me) and get a potty for the lounge so the big one can wee if you're stuck under the wee ones. Establishing in the early days can be hard as twins often come early and well... there's two. But it can be done, mine were EBF. Now I don't know how to wean them off!

@Twinsincoming23 Great thread, I am 22weeks with DCDA twins and my daughter will be three when they make an appearance. Going from one to three so quickly seems very daunting!

We're just starting to look at cars, a couple of friends with three children have recommended a VW Sharan, but we're also considering an S-Max - @Dinneronmybfpillow would be interested in hearing your regrets on the s-max!

We had a huge "arms reach" bassinet next to our bed for both of them.

Bugaboo donkey, a super pram.

Car...Audi Q7. An on old one, specifically the 2010-2014 model. We "downgraded" the vehicle we had to one of these, and it was absolutely brilliant.

We also got these swinging electric seat things from a twin mum on FB for sale, and they would rock to sleep instantly in these, which was great when visitors came.

This is a great thread! I am currently 9 weeks with twins and loving all the advice, thank you everyone!

@SJR86 We got an older one so it only has isofix on the two outer seats. There's also under floor storage boxes which need fillers. The boot seats can't have car seats on them. The two isofix seats that it does have, the manual says you can put isofix HBB seats on them so only use for the infant seat and an up to 18kg.
All in all, it's pretty restrictive for car seats given it's a bloody mum wagon. We saw a car seat specialist recently (we have a tricky second vehicle) and she was a big fan of the Seat.

Seat Alhambra gives you loads more options (I think you can put car seats on all 7 seats), plus a better boot and SLIDEY DOORS (can you tell I wish I had them). We can't afford to change car now but I really regret it. Who makes a bloody MPV that is so hard to get child car seats into?

@Dinneronmybfpillow really useful to know, we definitely need three isofixes in the second row. Quite like the idea of slidey doors too 😁

Thank you everyone for the amazing advice!
Really love hearing all of your wisdom and experience :)
I am so excited to have my twins, having been very upset at the 8 week scan, its really started to become something to look forward to and this is all such helpful info to help me feel prepared!

I just went "fuck" about thirty times at the sonographer, and DH went grey.

Now I have them, I can't believe how lucky I am.

Congratulations to all the twin mums to be. It’s so special.

I agree with the peanut and piglet feeding cushion if you want to breastfeed. (I got mine second hand). On feeding I would get as much advice as possible from the lactation consultant when you are in hospital. Tell everyone that you want to breastfeed and ask them to send her your way when she’s in. This makes a huge difference in getting bf established. (Tandem feeding can be quite tricky to get the hang of.)

My other tips are to get as much stuff done as you can early on in your pregnancy. With my singletons I was painting rooms and decluttering and putting up cots at 38 weeks, when I was pg with DTs it was a completely different kettle of fish and after 20-25 weeks I was very slow and tired in comparison.

Agree with the low expectations/surviving.

My twins liked sleeping and napping together. We put a second cot in our kitchen/diner (an ikea £50 one) and they napped in that for the first six months. It worked really well. It was also a safe place to put them when I was cooking/had to wipe my toddlers bottom etc.

GOOD LUCK! It’s hard but all worth it when you realise they have a friend for life.

I was mega upset after my scan. I found it so hard to adjust to. This was going to be my easy second baby dammit! I didn't enjoy the baby stage with DD1 so it was really hard with DTs (it's not the same for everyone, some people love the baby bit, I just love a toddler) but it gets better each month now they're up and moving. I've been at work all day and DH was telling me about them hugging each other 🥰

Congratulations!

Think most posters have it covered but have left out two very important bits of advice.

1. Get a fucking good coffee machine.
2. Lower your standards of housework

May the odds be ever in your favour. 🤣

I don't actually agree with the lowering of standards. I had it almost beaten into my head that this was going to be a nightmare of untold proportion. I mean, everyone talks about how hard their newborn stage is, and if you told them "oh, here's another one to look after around the one you've got" most couldn't comprehend how that would even be possible. That's how I spent my pregnancy, feeling so lucky contrasted with the fear of God put into me.

48hrs after c section we were home. Day nine I put them in the buggy and pushed them into town (probably shouldn't have done that with healing etc) and really enjoyed the walk and getting out of the house.

I guess, things like having time to do your hair nicely or makeup, you just don't bother for a bit, but that's all I honestly found different in those first few months.

Because I was so tied to the house, it was pretty clean. You're naturally tired from newborn night feeds, then during the day, the double feed, double nappies, double clothes changes, double baths, you end up just pottering about for the twenty minutes between each one, so I'd stick washing on, or wipe the sides. Hoovering is a bit trickier as it can wake them. It can be hard to take a decent bath too, because you can guarantee you'll be needed as soon as you dip a toe, so make sure when they are well fed, DH is on hand to deal with anything else so you can slope off uninterrupted.

There are days where it's really hard, from the lack of sleep, primarily. But honestly, there are days when it's really not. And I can't tell you how brilliant twins are, it more than makes up for it. Mine are now 3 and have realised they are "twins" and I'm not sure they understand what that means, other than not many other children seem to be, and they feel special. And they really are. I love my eldest equally. But if I had a magic wand I'd make him a twin as well. It's fantastic.

you end up just pottering about for the twenty minutes between each one*
*
Except mine would bf to sleep on me... and then I couldn't transfer them so I was "stuck" under them for the majority of the day, either feeding or whilst they slept. I never got that time to clean, because fuck me I had to prioritise peeing! 🤣

(The house is much cleaner now they're older I should add)

When I brought twins home I also had a toddler who wasn't two yet and we never spent a full day in the house while i was on mat leave, i found it easier to get out and about for my own mental health 🤣

Now twins are 2 and DD is 4 the house when everyone is home is nothing short of chaos. (As I'm sure u can relate with your twins being 3!)

What I meant by "lowering your standards" is just that I don't put pressure on yourself to have the house sparkling at all times, as for me, it was impossible.

Was defo easier when they were babies to do loads more.... but now I usually have a walking entourage everywhere I go hahaha

Congratulations @Twinsincoming23 . I had my twin girls when my older daughter was 3 years and 3 months old.

Pushchair- we have bugaboo donkey with the scooter board seat on the back which mu older daughter loves. I definitely prefer a side by side pushchair as comes in useful too for feeding. As when my girls were 6 months they were still tiny and were too small for most of the highchairs in cafes/pubs... plus some places only provide 1 highchair. The donkey is quite wide. But as it narrows down to a single pushchair if I was going somewhere I thought it would be too big for. I would put it in single mode and either sling 1 baby or put both in 1 carrycot (when they were little). We now have a mountain buggy nano duo as well as a stroller which is lighter and much smaller. Got this when the girls were about 9 months old.

Car seats. We kept my daughter car seat and moved this into the middle seat. And used maxi cosi with isofix on the outside seats for the twins. My older daughter will then climb into the car and I will reach round from the front seat to strap her into it. But make sure it's a harness strap and not seat belt as you won't be able to plug the seat belt in and out easily with the isofix next to it. In terms of cars we test drove a peugeot 5008 and Ford s max and went with the s max for 2 reasons, the back seats are slightly bigger and the back seats move individually. This means I pull the middle seat up as close as possible.... makes handing Snacks etc to my older daughter easier. Also having older daughter in the middle works gets as she passes things onto the twins or reinsert Dummies!

Sleep
We initially tried sleeping them together in a next to me. But my girls spent 3 weeks separated in special care and I think therefore liked there own space! So they were in moses baskets till 5-6 months (they have always been small). I had moses baskets upstairs and then tiny love rocker for sleep downstairs.

Feeding
I started fully breast feeding. But as my daughters were premature and struggled with feeding and weight gain switched to combi feeding after approx 4-5 weeks. I do know twin mums who fully bf though. It just didn't work for use. A twin feeding pillow I would recommend though. I had a bottle feeding pillow (sell in asda or off fb). We used this a lot to bottle feed them at the same time but also just to let them sleep/rest in during the day. I also had a peanut pillow for bf but as I said my girls struggled with feeding so I struggled to bf both at the same time.

Things I used lots initially

• bouncy chairs..can bounce one in a chair whilst holding/feeding the other
• weego Twin carrier but could only cope with carrying both for first 3-4 months
• dummies (never used with my first) but it was an easy way to buy a little extra time when sorting one baby out and the other becomes distressed.

Routines I think we started about 4 months old when they started going to bed about 7pm. But saying that I would always feed both girls at the same time. And I started to force a nap routine by rocking in a pushchair to get them to nap at the same times!

Hope this helps. But like others have said what works for some doesn't work for all!

Thank you for all of these helpful thoughts and tips and experiences.
I'm already feeling even more prepared, reassured and able to start planning as much as I can and getting my head straight on what I'll need and how it might be :)

Be ready to be FLEXIBLE...

Buggy: we have the bugaboo donkey. They cost a fortune new, but there are always some on eBay. Still use ours and DTwins are nearly 3. Same width as a standard wheelchair, so you can just about get into all shops but it's a squeeze. Quite large even when folded (which has car implications) but we have used it almost every day for nearly 3 years and loved it. You can get a buggy board for it I believe (we didn't as eldest was 4 when twins born).

Car: we have a Vauxhall zafira. Eldest in the middle is by far the easiest solution. Get them practising doing their own seatbelt. We have a seatbelt extended for our eldest as it is hard for her to plug in with her brother's seats on either side. For very long journeys we used to put eldest in the very back and DH would sit between twins.

Sleep: we had 2 cuts next to my bed. Initially boys were swaddled and tucked in together. Eventually in their separate boys at about 4 months. You'll need to be flexible to their needs. Downstairs they slept in the pram in the sitting room. Still nap in pram of their room is too hot! Gives you the flexibility not to be housebound and if they don't nap at exactly the same time it's not a disaster.

Routine: I assume you have a shape to your day because of your eldest. Honestly I'd try to avoid having too many preconceptions about routine. The change A LOT in the early days and willneed to slot around your eldest. I tried to keep mine roughly in synch, about 15 mins part for feeds in the early days. I assumed I'd need a rigid routine to survive, and i had the Gina Ford book on twins. Actually, we didn't do any of that really! They had a bit of a natural rhythm so we went for that. Never did get round to sleep training, which I assumed we'd do. Remember they havent read the books!

Feeding: I had hoped to exclusively bf. Did mixed feeding/expressing in the end as they were delivered at 35 weeks and were too sleepy to bf. I wanted them out of SCBU (especially as we were during lockdown) so we had to get them off tube feeding and bottles were easier. It was actually very easy and convenient to mix feed as my parents came over late afternoon most days and did a bottle so I could have time with eldest after preschool. BF until they were over 2yo. Was hard in the early days asit was very time consuming - tandem feeding is MUCH easier once they have some neck strength, we couldn't manage it until they were past the date by a week or two, so a had 7 weeks where tandem just wasn't working well at all. Good pillow is vital if you do so it.

As regards housework... my suggestion is to have no expectations. In the early days, my (preemie) twins slept a LOT. And my eldest was at preschool 4 days a week. My house was spotless.

But we have had various tricky patches since! So having low standards can be very helpful. We inevitably had fussy days, and on occasion they got out of synch with sleep so I got absolutely nothing fine and felt like crap. Illness can also really mess you up - when you have 3 ill one after the other it can be really tough, and low expectations will get you through that. These things happen more in the toddler years when they are coming into contact with more things. We recently had all 3 come down with measles like dominos. They wanted to be held while they slept and all routine went out the window. One was better first, and he had an enjoyable day of being free to totally trash the playroom while I was still looking after the other two. Ride the wave.....