Early pregnancy with twins - tad overwhelmed!

[Randomname1234]

Hi all,

I have a 9 year old child already and recently found out I am now pregnant with twins 😳 Only very early still (just over 6 weeks).

Previous pregnancy was a loss and with this one I will just be so happy for it to be viable and to have a healthy baby whether that’s one baby or more. So I’m definitely not complaining and wouldn’t change things.

BUT I am already feeling so Ill all day, every day. Struggling to keep on top of work, housework, organising an important event we have coming up. I feel rotten (nausea etc) and it’s making my mood much lower.

And I just cannot get my head around how we will manage with childcare! We have zero family nearby and cannot move to be near them. Have a few local friends but all their children are older. We both currently work full time and unfortunately there is no way we would survive on one salary but also no way we could afford childcare for two!

It feels a mess and It’s putting a downer on things.

Any thoughts appreciated, thank you.

Congratulations. I am currently 11 weeks with twins, completely unexpected, so can completely understand your reaction. I have had problems with fertility and recurrent miscarriages too so I also feel the same about it being a blessing.
We also have a little boy who won't even be 3 so I am currently trying to figure out how we'll manage childcare for 3. We are in the same boat in that we have no family nearby. I am thinking it might be necessary to go more part time and I may need to look at a nanny which would be cheaper than three lots of nursery fees. As much as these thoughts are whirring through my mind I keep taking solace in the fact that I have a while to sort this out and I also think sometimes things just have a way of working out. We have some savings so we are fortunate that we have a buffer. I also think I won't be going out or going away anywhere with 3 under 3 so that would save us money. Best of luck. I really hope all is ok with your pregnancy x

Congratulations!

I know a few twin/multiple mums who couldn't afford to drop a wage so took out 10 year (or longer) bank loans for say £20-25k to cover the cost of twin full time childcare until 30 hours kicked in. Drip fed into the tax free childcare account which tops up by 25%. Also many were able to negotiate term time only childcare with childminders to keep the cost down and then all annual leave was used to cover "school holidays"

Repayments for a £20k loan are in the region of £270 per month (versus childcare cost of £1500 or more depending if you can get a childminder)

Congratulations! My twins are 11 now and I remember these feelings well (although I was a first time parent with mine).

I personally took time out of work- we struggled financially but just couldn't make it work any other way with our circumstances, although I know many can of course! The twin mums I knew at the time tended to have one parent working from home so that helped. My husband has also taken time out to be a stay at home dad when I went back to concentrate on my career, then juggled this with some part time work.
It does feel overwhelming but there as so many lovely things to having twins. We went on to have a third child and the one thing I have noticed is how great it was having twins as they would play together and give me a break.... not the case with my youngest 😅

9 month old twins looking at me :-)

It's not as overwhelming as you think. They take so much comfort from each other that it sort of levels out like having one, and then of course are set up with a buddy for life. Plus no-one expects ANYTHING from you when you have twin babies. Whatever decisions you make about life, work and everything, it's a lot less judgement.

On the other hand, twin pregnancy absolutely sucks and the nausea is like nothing on earth. It's horrible. If you need medication, get it and try a few until you find your answer.

Good luck!

It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed. My twin pregnancy was a huge surprise and I felt anxious throughout the pregnancy, I didn’t really “enjoy” it at all but once they were here safely things felt a lot better. Mine are 13m now and it’s been a hectic and exhausting year but I wouldn’t change a thing.

I work 2 days at present and have 3 in childcare, though my eldest starts school in September. My salary covers childcare and commuting to work. They get a decent sibling discount at nursery and tax-free childcare makes it affordable. DH works from home so he has some flexibility for pick ups and drop offs. For me, going back to work wasn’t about the money (though we’ll be better off when they get their free hours at 3) but keeping my brain active, keeping my career going and having a break- I believe it makes me a better mother.

My parents help out with my 4 year old but there’s no-one who will have the twins! But we manage ok between us. All date nights are spent at home and we go out separately. When the twins are older we may consider a babysitter but they’re still very young right now, and I like the bedtime snuggles.

You might feel like at the moment you don’t know how you’ll manage, but you’ll figure it out!