Help single parent with 4 year old and now pregnant with twins

[CherryBlossom100]

Hi everyone.
Recently found out I'm pregnant with twins. Conceived at a Fertility clinic so much wanted but twins wasn't what I'd planned.

Any suggestions from those with twins. Panicking about things like three car seats in the back of the car, how to get two babies and my four year old into swimming lessons. The corridors are too narrow for buggies so other parents just bring in the car seat for younger siblings.
Any other things to think about? Thanks for any help people can suggest.

I’m a single mum to twins. Again conceived through fertility treatment due to knowing I had problems and not wanting to wait to meet someone before starting the uphill battle to have children. 5 day single embryo transfer and then surprise identical twins. I’m not going to lie, the practicalities are hard and I in no way have things nailed down, new challenges do pop up all the time. And I don’t have a 4 year old. But this is the advice I have.

1. in terms of just getting from a to b - you can put one in a sling and carry the other in a car seat. Mine are too big for this now but it works when they’re small. Also for me the mountain buggy duet was a game changer. Bought mine second hand on marketplace. I now fit through very narrow doors. People are shocked at the places I can go.
2. Feeding - I breastfed initially (or tried too) but it was a challenge for me due to the twins having tongue tie. They just couldn’t latch. Midwives kept telling me I needed to pump 8 times a day to get my supply sufficient while I waited for it to be dealt with. I think this is probably hard with one newborn, with two I found it impossible. There was already too much to do. I ran myself ragged trying to find time to pump but it wasn’t enough and formula was needed and ultimately after a while I gave up. I wish I’d given up sooner. My first weeks with the twins were a treadmill and I just remember moments when I finally had them asleep being ruined because then I was strapping myself to a pump rather than actually resting. Some women do manage to breastfeed twins though and there are some great support groups on Facebook if you want to try. Either way a feeding pillow can be helpful, both bottle feeding and breastfeeding two is hard and these make it easier. Relatively cheap on Amazon.
3. Find a twin club. I thought “why do I need a twin club, surely it’s just a stay and play, any stay and play will do.” I also found getting anywhere initially really hard, but once I found a twin club it became totally worth it to get there. They are some of the nicest women I have ever met. The first time I arrived and every time since I have been greeted liked an old friend. They also have suggestions for how to deal with things, because they’ve been there.
4. If you haven’t already, start thinking about who you can rely on to help keep the wheels on life. I do not have time time clean my house, i rarely have time to cook. They are still babies and need help with everything so my life is busy. But my mum regularly makes me food. My aunts help out to give me child free afternoons around once a week and i run around getting everything else done. Or sometimes sleep. Sleep is important, and at times elusive. If someone offers to take the babies out for a walk say yes and go to bed. At the beginning I tried to do everything. As if I had to juggle two infants solo while keeping everything else going as I “got myself in to this.” But then I realised my family love my children and they want to help. Embrace it. My parents have even just bought a bigger car (the Ford galaxy has three isofix bases in the back seat fyi) so they can take the children and the dogs out.

You’re going to be ok. It’s going to be hard but it’s going to be so worth it. They hold hands sometimes and I just melt. And they’re a team, even at this age. One cries and the other reaches out to touch them. People stop me in the street to tell me my children are beautiful and they are absolutely correct, they are. Other mums will tell you you’re a rockstar. I’m starting to think they’re right, even if I do feel utterly incompetent half time. Message me if you need.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. Lots of great advice.

Hi there - my eldest was 4 when I got pregnant with my ivf twins

I have a Ford - you can get isofix on either side and a slimline graco stage 3 seat in the middle for the 4 year old.

Swimming - you won't be able to take them all on your own. Suggest the 4 year old goes into formal lessons. If you can have a friend/family help then I alternate taking my eldest with a twin every other week

My pram was a silver cross double decker so fitted through all door ways. I swapped to a lightweight side by side which was easy to fold and store once twins were 15 months

I breastfed mine until 12 weeks - I didn't want to do longer as wanted some kind of life back and was spending most of my day on the sofa feeding one then the other

Twin clubs.....there aren't many bare that in mind. I'm in a major city but nearest is still 40 mins drive away

Twin sling for swimming.

Find your local twin club for support. If you happen to be on the london/ kent border let me know, come to our club :)

Hope you're doing well? A year ago I made an almost identical post! What a shock

My DC was 3.5 when my twins arrived last October. Also fertility clinic and solo mum to all 3 of them so it was a total shock but now they're here - omg, I would do it all over again tomorrow if I could!

I drive a focus, not a huge car, but I have a baby on either end of the back seat in Maxi Cosi cabriofix seats, and my now 4 year old either in between them in a Joie elevate or in the front in the Joie. I can fit all 3 of them in the back either without isofix bases on the babies, or with the bases secured with the seatbelts and not isofix latches (handy when I just want to quickly click their seats in rather than faff around with the seatbelts)

My 4 year old goes to formal swimming lessons every week which I don't go into the pool for. I'm lucky that I can get one of our prams in (an icandy peach, so not a side by side twin pram) but for the first lesson I took one baby in the carrier and the other I carried in a car seat and it worked out absolutely fine. I still had hands free to get my 4 year old dressed and the babies both sleep through the lesson most weeks.

Honestly things will be fine. Great even! It's a constant game of figuring out new ways of doing things but nothing has beaten me yet and 7 months in I'm absolutely loving it :)

Thanks for all the lovely words and support.

12 weeks now and just told my 4 year old who is over the moon. Am going to start getting stuff ready after the 20 week scan but have found loads of stuff on marketplace already.
Planning on moses baskets upstairs and maybe something else downstairs? Don't have loads of space in the living room but guessing i won't want to be lugging 2 moses baskets up and down the stairs. Was thinking maybe a next to me foever or a travel cot for downstairs but they're huge.
Pretty much sure on the icandy peach double for first few months and then swap to mountain buggy or out and about nipper for toddler years (getting them secondhand!)
Anything else I should be thinking about?

I don't have a massive house so twins shared a next2me (the standard one not the forever one) downstairs for the first 3 months I'd say. Then just used sofas or a bouncy chair or Jude a play mat on the floor
Twins also shared a cot in my room for probably 4-5 months

We had a next to me by our bed and one by the sofa for the first few weeks.
(They slept together)
Then used the next to me's either side of our bed. They're still in them now at 5 months.
A twin pillow is a godsend, £20 or so from Amazon or Argos.

Congratulations! I have a 4yo and baby twins but I’m not a single parent so not sure how warranted my advice is.

you can get narrow side-side prams or even narrower prams with one on top of the other. All available used. You can get twin slings too, or chuck one in a sling and carry the other / put in pram.

Swimming - as others said.

BFing - I expressed using a hospital grade pump and topped up with formula.

Twin feeding pillow is ace.

4yos are big enough to help/pass things / sing to the babies etc.