friend has had twins 2 months early - wise words for her please!

[fairylights]

an old friend of mine has just had her twins 2 months early and thanksfully they are ok but both in special care and as they live in a v rural part of wales the twins are now in 2 hospitals 50 miles a aparrt and she has been discharged and doesn't live near either hospital. Think she is devastated to be so far from them and not able to hold them.
Could any of you offer any advice on dealing with this? TIA!

i have recently been through similar- had my twin girls at 30 weeks thankfully i went with them to Cardiff where they were together and they have just been transferred back to Bronglais in Aberystwyth which is just down the road- its tough but tbh you have to trust the staff- they want the best for them, they are quite capable of looking after them and getting stressed is NOT going to help!!

My advice is get a good breast pump and express regularly if they aren't sucking- find some willing friends to do everything that is non- essential for her to do leaving her time to visit the babies- they will try to get them back together as soon as possible!

It has turned our lives upside down since christmas- but we have rallied together, dh and i have got to the stage now where we are up early to get everything done, kids at school, hospital visit, dh goes off to work (we are both self-employed so don't really have a choice) we go for lunch together, i pop off after lunch to do any bits and bobs, dh stays with the twins until school run time then get kids home fed into bed etc ready for an evening visit together- then collapse in bed when we get back. Unfortunatly it has been described to us as "the first few weeks you don't live- you function" and it's true but it gets easier! We are hoping to have the twins home in a week or so- then life can get back to normal!!

At 32 weeks ish the babies should be doing really well- scientifically proven apparently that twins develop faster in the womb A) because of the extra hormone load of growing two! B) somehow the body makes allowances for the fact that many twins are born early!

Tell her good luck and if she's near the Aberystwyth area i am hoping to vacate the Bronglais Scbu very soon so there will be two beds together !!!

thanks preggers - wow am in awe of you!! All the best with your twins..
i think one of the twins is in abergavenny and the other in newport - not good on geography of wales but maybe near aberystwyth?! Thanks for your wise words anyway

anyone else?

ah- those units aren't high dependancy so the twins must be doing well!! (although they are a long way away from Aber!!) Good luck to her! it gets easier- now that mine are a five minute drive away i have relaxed a lot!!!

Sounds like they are fine and shouldn't be in for too long before she gets them both home- then the fun starts

oh thats good news that they aren't high dependency. Yes, i was going to say to her to get as much rest as possible before they come home because she probably won't have any peace again for a few years! These are her first dc (and her last according to her!) at least. thanks again

Mine were also 29+ weekers. Really feel for your friend having them in different hospitals - it is difficult enough as it is. From my experience I would recommend:

• Hiring a big electric breast pump. I bought a top of the range one from Mothercare but it was hopeless and it took forever to express. The hire ones are really quick and do both sides at once (sorry if TMI!) - worth every penny. I hired a SMB pump from here. Think NCT do them as well.

• This book. Explains all the scary looking machines your baby is hooked up to in the neonatal unit in plain English.

• Check out the BLISS site - their booklets are excellent.

• Have as much physical contact with your babies as possible. I was always too scared to get my little one out and felt like I was annoying the nurses by asking. I really struggled to bond with her and I'm sure this is down to not actually holding her for over a week.

bump

BUMP!

ok final bump..anyone?

wishing her all the best and a cheeky bump for you I can't offer advice as mine had to be encouraged out and were big enough to hold their own.

Thinking of her as the seperation must be hard and also hard on the twins who have been squashed together for do long

mine were 29+ weekers, but stayed together throughout - I was 20 mins away, so visited everyday. What she needs to remember is they will not remember this part of their lives, so she should just make the most of the time she does get with them - skin to skin, feeding, changing, cuddling, and then focus on herself when she is not with them.

Keep lots of photos nearby for expressing (it helps with the let down reflex), and for general cooing over. My boys were home after 8 weeks in scbu, and are now 3 and you would not know any different, they are just a little bit smaller than your average 3 year old.

Although i was with them everyday, I still made time for myself and feel I had a bit of a jump start when they came home, in that I was fully healed, I had been eating properly for 8 weeks and the house was ready, so when they came home all I had to do was focus on them.

She got a roller coaster ride ahead of her, point her towards this board if she has internet access, as we will help her get through the times when she can't be with the twins.

Good luck to her and love to you for being such a caring friend.

thanks meeely2 - have only just seen this!