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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

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Original poster

Bitter due to childcare

10 replies

sharkyandme · 07/02/2022 08:24

Due to childcare costs of twins, I have worked around them since they were born. For a full time place in nursery, it would mean me earning £30k just to pay nursery costs, which is difficult to fine here without a graduate degree.

I'd lost my job 2 years prior to having twins and was working in a stopgap when I became pregnant. Looking back I was depressed after losing my job.

Since they were entitled to the free childcare offer, I managed to gain work but the process was gruelling. Many failed applications and interviews. Really difficult emotionally.

Recently, I've learned that my job will be coming to an end and I'm feeling bitter about it. I blame my husband for not earning more so I don't have to attend interview after interview again.

I just feel like I'm shouldering more than my husband is. He is caring, helps with the kids and there are no other problems. --

OP posts:

bonetiredwithtwins · 08/02/2022 05:52

Tough one and I'm going to be brutally honest here and say you maybe need to give your a head a wobble. it's a bit harsh to blame your husband for "not earning more" - feasibly you could also have done the same? Why was it his responsibility to have the better paying job? Did you look into other childcare options? My twins are with a childminder so almost half the price of a nursery and on a term time contract but means we have to use all our annual leave to cover "school" holidays. Means no holidays together but it is what it is. We also took out a 10 year loan of £25k to pay for childcare for the first 3 years until 30 hours kicks in.
If he is "caring and helps with the kids" what more do you want/need from him? Other than to earn more so you don't have to work?

Lampshading · 08/02/2022 05:55

perhaps he feels bitter that you don't have a secure job and earn more if that's the blame game you want to play, seems like an unfair reason to be annoyed at him. Unfortunately there are many people that can't afford to stay home, and similarly tonnes who struggle with childcare, it is unfair but the onus shouldn't be solely on him to earn more if he does his share of parenting.

PotteringAlong · 08/02/2022 05:58

I blame my husband for not earning more

Really? You don’t blame yourself for not earning more? Come on, give your head a shake.

stayathomer · 08/02/2022 06:03

I'm really sorry to hear that OP, and you can't help feeling bitter. Nothing I can say really, my dh could be bitter about how I got to be the sahp because we could manage off his wage but not mine, but unfortunately it's life, sadly and contrary to popular belief, you don't land in high paying jobs by working your ass off or trying really hard, dh has seen countless people try to fit into IT when it's really not for them. Best of luck op

daisypond · 08/02/2022 06:11

I can see you are struggling but I’m reality you aren’t shouldering more than your DH. If anything, he is shouldering more than you because he has to bring in the money.

Original poster

sharkyandme · 08/02/2022 06:41

I know. I apologised.

OP posts:

Redlorryyellowduck · 08/02/2022 07:24

I'm not sure of the timeline, but it seems you've had either no job or a bit of a rubbish job for about 5 years, and you're annoyed at your husband for not earning more. Seems a bit mean, unless he's purposely underemployed so he can spend time at the pub or something equally ridiculous.
Most people have to work. Are you still depressed or anxious?

whatcangowrong · 09/02/2022 08:50

Childcare costs aren't uniquely a twin problem, it's just compounded a bit more which actually works in your favour in the long run. Try and be positive OP, you've been in work lately so it should be easier to find a new job than it was the last time. Both your children are now entitled to the free hours and will soon be in school. Sounds like you're through the worst of it. Is there something that you enjoy which is reasonably flexible?

whatcangowrong · 09/02/2022 08:59

Also I do object to this notion that you need to earn £30k to cover ALL of the childcare. They are only 50% your children. I think it tends to work much better to think more long term and of the benefits to your career, mental health, sense of self, and not to mention finances from working. If you got a £25k job now then you are likely to have at least a £25k job for many years to come. It might feel like you're £5k short in the short term, but you'll be £100ks up in the long term. The vast majority of us have to work as pp have said.

Freshprincess · 09/02/2022 09:12

Childcare costs for twins is awful, I went back purely for my pension contributions and NI. I wasn’t ‘in profit’ till I got the free hours.

It’s not your husbands fault though, unless he’s under earning on purpose (ie works one day a week).
Good luck with the job hunting, hopefully something comes up a bit quicker this time round.

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