Twin pregnancy questions

[whatcangowrong]

Hi wise twin mums

8 weeks pregnant with twins and starting to believe it might be happening! Have been reading the entire internet on twins, and feel I've got my head around what it'll be like once they're here and feeling (relatively) calm about that - will get a nanny as I want to go back to work fairly promptly, will be open to a maternity nurse or night nanny for a few weeks if needed, think we can keep our car and get a multimac... already have an 18 mo son but he is quite placid so think that'll be ok (plus see nanny plan!). The size of our house is a big issue but we will cross that bridge...

However I can't yet get my head around twin pregnancy, how much harder it might be, and can't find that much info on it. Any tips from the top? Should I eat extra of anything, can I exercise? Is it better to keep exercising? Will my tummy muscles separate? Are stretch marks inevitable? What about wrinkly skin?! Is there anything I can do to increase chances of carrying to 37/38 weeks? I found pregnancy with a singleton a breeze but I'm a bit trepidatious re the step up to carrying 2. Would appreciate real world strories and tips.

Also tell me what stretch mark cream works (I know mine and it's genetic but if there is one that might work a bit I would like to know!)

Congratulations! I didn't get stretch marks or wrinkly skin and didn't do anything special so maybe it was just luck. My twins were born at 36 weeks though. I was signed off work at 24 weeks as I was told I had a shortened cervix so I had to rest but apart from the worry, I felt fine.

My twin pregnancy was easier than dd1 until the end and the premature birth. We had a cleaner -I wanted to spend time with dc bonding so got the other bits covered.

Thanks for the replies - I think @NeedAHoliday2021 you've hit the nail on the head in that one of the striking things from reading others' experiences is the way they struggle with lack of bonding time and a feeling of not being present enough for either twin. There will obviously be things you can't outsource but if you can afford to take some things off your own plate this seems like a good investment. Not sure my husband gets it yet though!

Good to hear you're both back to normal! I'm dreading the prospect of bed rest or other complications putting me in hospital for weeks though, specially with a toddler to care for and a job to try and retain!

The hormones in a twin pregnancy are increased- I found myself being really grumpy and short tempered in pregnancy, especially people saying that they felt sorry for me having twins! So top tip- don’t listen to people who don’t have twins projecting their own feelings onto you.

I carried to 37+3 and my twins were 7lb 1oz and 6lb 5oz. I gained weight very quickly in the second trimester and I had to slow down as I kept getting lightening crotch and I worried about premature Labour. I finished work around 31 weeks but I was office based- if you were working from home and taking regular breaks & rests you might be able to work later.

I had really stretched skin across my tummy and I lost some sensation. Scans felt very strange. I had stretch marks but they’ve faded now. Some wrinkly skin but it’s healing with time. But I had fairly big babies for twins and I was massive. In the last few weeks I piled my bed up with pillows and had to go to bed at 6pm as I couldn’t stay up any longer, I was too heavy and tired.

You might find it difficult to run after your older child as you get further on. I didn’t take DD out much alone as I couldn’t run after her if she made a run for it/or climb up soft play.

I wouldn’t worry too much about the size of your house short term- there are 5 of us and we only occupy 2 bedrooms at the moment.

Congratulations and good luck!

Towards the end the babies were so high I could hardly breath. Didn’t have an awful lot of energy either, needing short naps. Didn’t get stretch marks and was back to less than pre baby weight by day 3!

You need to be organized and buy lots of napped etc, if bottle feeding have different bottles so you can keep track of who’s had what, especially late at night!

Thanks so much both @BluebellsGreenbells and @TheMagicDeckchair good insights.

@BluebellsGreenbells how far along did you make it?

Was hoping to work til 34/35 weeks but might be unrealistic !

Twin pregnancy I definitely tougher. I was much sicker and more tired than for my singleton. I had to have medication for the sickness, but it made me really sleepy... so I took about 1/3 of the suggested dose, which meant only being sick a few times a day. Any more and Ijust couldn't stay awake. That made everything very tough.

Your size gets challenging. I realised by 20 weeks I couldn't run after my eldest. I felt huge and ungainly. No stretch marks or wrinkles, but I do have some slight numb patches on my tummy and the area generally looks a little untoned/saggy. Ok with my clothes on, but I have to admit I don't like how it looks without!

I worked to 34 weeks, and had the twins at 35 (they were MCDA and onewas starting to struggle). What sort of work do you do? If it's not physical, You'll probably be fine, but you need.to have a contingency plan in place in case the twins do need to be early. My school had my maternity cover start early and we did an extended hand-over just Inc i had to leave early l take sick leave.

Lack of time with each child is a big issue for me still. outsource whatever you can. I miss 1:1 time.with my eldest so much!

Thank you @TinyTeacher ! I'm lucky so far with sickness, the first few weeks I did feel queasy but it's mostly subsided now. Hoping it doesn't make a reappearance. I had this same pattern of mild early sickness in my first pregnancy so fingers crossed. Tiredness on the other hand.... tick!

@whatcangowrong

Welcome over to the multiples board!

To answer a few of your questions

• ZERO stretch marks here - stretch marks are genetic so thanking my mother for this one. My figure now is in the best shape of my life, flat stomach and no wrinkly skin. - probably because I don't have time to eat or sit down 😂 . I was back to pre pregnancy weight within 2 weeks - I fully put that down to breastfeeding

• ZERO morning sickness entire pregnancy

• I didn't find the pregnancy hard really - the anxiety and stress of worrying about getting 2 little people through pregnancy after several losses was much higher though and I obsessively pored over every scan report and doctors note. It did feel like I was pregnant for longer as I had bump from 8 weeks and was in maternity wear by 9 weeks. Looked as full term as I did with older daughter from around 20-24 weeks

• I went back to work full time when twins were 20 weeks - I'm the main earner by a long way. They are a with a childminder as financially childcare costs are horrendous

• exercising - honestly I was on sofa rest from 18 weeks - exercising was a no go! . Could no longer walk the 3/4 mile to and from childcare for older daughter. Couldn't stand for long period or long car journeys. If I did I'd need a few days on the sofa afterwards as hip and pelvis and bump would be very painful. Sleeping uncomfortable and I snored like a jet engine

• food wise I craved protein and couldn't get enough full fat milk.

• night nanny? if you can afford it and think you really might need one? I always thought they needed their own room though and you've said your house isn't very big?? With me going back to work at 20 weeks if I'd had a night nanny as well I'd never have seen them and probably would have thought twice about spending £35k bringing them into the world - don't want that to sound rude by the way but I suppose I've always tried to make it up to all 3 of my kids because I work full time that I'm 100% present outside of work day and night. Yes the first few weeks of them being home are hard but I did (and do ) all night feeds on my own And you just adapt and cope you'd be surprised

• nothing you can do really to improve making it to 37 weeks except maybe the bed rest. I had huge bleeds from 28 weeks and was prepping for early arrival. In the end made it to 34 weeks but it was an emergency, DH couldn't get to the birth in time as it was life threatening for all of us and they just had to come out. But most other twin mums I know made it to 37 weeks no complications.

@tiggerwhocamefortea thank you for taking all the time to share! Loving these positive no stretch mark stories although it's sounding as though pregnancy really kicks in early. We were planning to go to the States for a wedding when I'm 18 weeks and then also a ski trip (I won't ski) when I'm 22. May have to play by ear!

Night nanny / maternity nurse - not a long term thing!! A few friends (West London!) have got someone to come and help in those early weeks when recovering from c section and so that they get some sleep and can function the next day, and that's with 1 baby often! Mat nurse helps day and night and night nanny just comes overnight. Mum still does the night feeds (if bf) but not also the nappy changes and settling, so gets a lot more sleep apparently. We thought (and still think) it was ridiculous with our singleton, and I wanted to do that stuff myself for bonding etc, but I am wondering if it might be good this time, to get us over the hardest bit. I wonder if you have someone helping you in the day with the bottles and pumping etc means you can actually sit and snuggle with each twin? I also think it might help me not completely lose connection with my toddler who's at nursery as I could still get up and take him without also having to get 2 newborns dressed and out the house. My husband leaves for work at 7am ordinarily... but yes it would be for a few weeks only. Budget wise there's no way we could afford any more than that. It's obviously a huge luxury and not something we would consider with one, but I'm considering. Would mean economising elsewhere of course...

Our house is 3 bed and pretty spacious in terms of living space etc, but we only have 2 bedrooms upstairs, us and the kid(s). The other room is in the basement so ideal for a live in nanny as private, but less ideal for my 2 year old to go down there 2 floors away by himself! So all 3 kids will have to share the upstairs room, it's quite a big room but I think that probably puts us on a 2 year timeline before we have to move. By that time toddler will be 4 and still too young to sleep in a completely different part of the house I think.

Maternity nurse for a few weeks could take the kids room which still has a double bed in it atm and my husband could move down to the basement with toddler so that they both get some sleep. Our toddler is (for now at least) a little sleep robot, boshing out 12 hour nights most nights so he is no problem to share with!

Anyway, lots to consider. I just want to enjoy rather than endure that first year I guess. I was considering taking the full year off if we had a singleton and now I'm thinking I won't because I'll want to be able to pay for some help. But the other option is to just hunker down into it for that year and be super mum of 3 unaided! That's a decision I need to make. Reading some of the boards it does seem that people struggle :-/

@whatcangowrong

I just about managed to drive to wales for work at 18 weeks let alone fly to the States 😬 definitely play be ear and see how you feel nearer the time but definitely don't make any concrete plans

My twins were in NICU for 3 weeks so my c section was fully healed and I was back driving before they came home - I still got up every 2-3 hours to pump to take beast milk in the next day and that was a good routine to get into for when they came home

My DH gets up for work at 430am so on maternity leave I had to do the school run as usual - twins up at 6am for a feed and into pram at 7am for 50 mins round walk to the before school childcare for eldest - don't need to get them dressed or anything they just stay in their sleep suits. No help during the day. You do get snuggle time just not the same or same duration as with a singleton and I did miss that at the start - not all twins nap at the same time and they have different personalities - one of mine is more of a snuggler than the other. I couldn't do the whole "sleep when they sleep" thing as they were on different schedules so when one was asleep I'd snuggle and play with the other and vice versa

Honestly if I had a choice between a maternity/day/night nurse and a year off.....I'd take the year off without a second thought. Id trade no sleep in the early weeks for more time with them when they are babies

In terms of struggling .....you won't know until they are here of course...., but I found having twins a breeze (so far anyway!), maybe easier than first child! But what I went through leading up to having them definitely has influenced my take on it all! It's the most amazing thing I've ever done and dare I say it I feel so bloody proud of myself 💪🏻

Congratulations, twins are fabulous.

Mine were born at 37 weeks - 6lb 2 and 6lb 15, so didn't need special care or anything.

They are my only DCs so I don't have other pregnancies to compare, but I managed to keep driving until the actual day they were born. I wanted DH to have as much time off work as possible after the birth so I drove myself to the numerous appts/scans and thought I'd just keep doing that as long as I could. I did have to put the seat right back and swing myself out of the car with a bit of momemtum .

I also worried about being so busy with them that I wouldn't enjoy them, but that wasn't the case. Obv it is a full on time but it was also very enjoyable. I never managed to sleep in the day, I felt better if I got some jobs done when they slept, rather than living in chaos.

A health visitor advised me to wake them up at the same time at night, after 3/4 weeks of horrendous nights and that was very good advice, they quickly got into the same routine.

My girls are 20 now, they are chalk and cheese, but incredibly close.

Twins are fab.

@tiggerwhocamefortea yeah I need to have a think. It's not a direct choice between help and a year off, I'll earn much more in the 6 months I go back than the help would cost, plus pension etc but more importantly I'm head of a team in a v fast growth business and I'm just not sure the role would be held completely open for me after a whole year. Obviously there's the law to protect to an extent but in reality you can't always slot back in if out for ages. It's a small company. But it's not all about that or the money. We also have the toddlers nursery fees to consider - I want to be able to let him keep his thing going on rather than tip his whole world upside down all at once. He's too young to get anything funded until July 2023.

For me the baby stage is ok but not my fave particularly over winter and last time also lock down. I found it isolating and repetitive. I know that sounds bad, I honestly adore my son and love spending time with him but I think it's because I work and it's never ever a chore. Given the choice I'd take my mat leave after 1 year and hang with the toddlers from 1-2 but sadly the government don't pay you for that!!

Lots to think about - you are actually one of the people that makes me think it's better to go back so it's interesting you say you wouldn't have chosen that. You seem exponentially happier than any other twin mum on the Internet (and I've looked around) and I kind of figured it was because you work, which seems quite rare, and then get a little bit of quality time with them!

Hey there, mum of 12 week old dcda twins and a 2.5 year old.

I found the twin pregnancy easier than my singleton pregnancy. I stopped work at 31 weeks and went to bed after the strictly launch night (37 weeks) - woke up at midnight throwing up and 4 hours later my waters broke. Vaginal delivery for both- boy came in at 6lb 14 and girl at 6lb 7.

I walked 3.4 miles at 28weeks but that was horrendous and then I decided no more walking for exercise.

The biggest toll on my body was lifting my toddler into her cot and into her car seat. But otherwise , it wasn't so bad.

I had the babies on the Sunday and out on Tuesday - first covid vaccine booked for the Thursday! Was out and about fine afterwards .

Good luck x

@whatcangowrong
Maybe it's the the lack of sleep which makes me like a drunk happy person all the time! But then again I've always been a glass half full person

In terms of work - I love my job - very very male dominated industry - very very few women at my level. I suppose I knew I would always out earn any potential partner so I reconciled the fact I would never be a STAHM or be able to take a year off on maternity a long time ago - literally at school I think! 😂

I agree with you though I'd totally take the maternity leave starting from 9 months as that's when babies get a lot more fun and interesting!

I think I'm so happy because I can't believe my luck! I lost 7 babies before the twins - lost both tubes to ectopics - 5 rounds of IVF and never thought I'd be able to have this again and to be able to experience it with twins is a massive privilege. I nearly died from my ectopics rupturing - twice. I guess I thought that god (not that I'm religious) the world/everything was against me having more children.

I was told at one point during pregnancy I may have to decide to let our little twin go or risk both babies. Then A placenta detached and I nearly lost them both. Even on the hard days of literally no sleep, no money, no time, no chance to eat - I remember the two funeral services the hospital held for 2 of my lost babies and the way I felt on those days - so lost - so absolutely broken and hopeless and the hard days no longer feel so hard

Sorry I'm rambling! The twins first words were both mama in the last week or so and I can hear them calling me! I think my ovaries just about jump started 😂

(I'd have twins again in a heartbeat and those last 2 embryos I have on ice are calling to me but I'd only risk one more!) x

I was fine with mine, things got uncomfortable at 37 weeks, I think as they dropped down, I wore a support belt which really helped. They were all at the front, I remember after giving birth being delighted I could sit up straight! I had a lot of stretch marks from my first and even more after the twins, but not overly awful and not sure how I could have stopped them.

@whatcangowrong do you have family or friends nearby that could pop in during the day to help out? You might not need nannies etc in those first few weeks if husband has paternity leave and could maybe tag some annual leave on the end of it. Would his employer let him work from home for a month or two after so he’s there to help out if you need it? My babies were actually pretty sleepy for the first month or so. For the first week or two they slept in the crib upstairs most of the day so I didn’t even bother taking them downstairs. So less heavy lifting if you end up having a section- or in my case less pressure on my pelvic floor. You can even do (wet) nappy changes in the crib, we do this for overnight changes.

Of course it’s fine to have a nanny, though if it’s going to be a big cost or upheaval you probably can manage without. Also if you do end up in hospital for a bit you’d have chance to recover there with the assistance of the nurses & midwives.

Re the holidays- once I was halfway through my pregnancy I wouldn’t have wanted to go on holiday anywhere as I just wanted my own bed and lots of pillows!

Currently our DD (4) won’t sleep alone (though she had her own room) so she is in the big bed with one of us, whilst the other parent sleeps in with the babies- they (or at least one) still wake a lot overnight so no point in us being in a different room until they’re sleeping better. So we use just two bedrooms at the moment. I wouldn’t put all three of them in together as they’d wake each other all night. I do one night with the twins, then one night with DD, and swap with DH. Eventually we’ll probably need to extend or move as our 4th bed is DH’s office (works from home) but in the short term we are managing with just using two. Hopefully we can get by at least until the twins get their 30 funded hours at 3, when the childcare costs will be less crippling.

You’ll figure it out as you go along!

I would advise doing a separate thread on your plan to go to USA at 18 weeks.

Have you got insurance for this?

You could end up bankrupted if you have a problem!

What if you start bleeding are put on bed rest and have to stay there for the remainder of your pregnancy then possible NICU. You could be looking at a bill of £500000!

Gosh thanks all for the input, wasn't expecting such a response!

@felulageller yes fair point re the trip. This is very new news so we are obviously working out what in our life can stay the same and what needs to change. The later trip is a big family gathering that was originally supposed to happen Dec 2020... so when we accepted we were going with a 5 month old baby rather than a toddler and preg with twins!! Would like to do both but will see if possible. The wedding in the States I'm very much the plus one anyway.

@TheMagicDeckchair thank you for your considered and positive reply! It's good to hear some of these points particularly about sleepiness in early weeks. My husband no doubt could get flexibility from work in the circumstances, and he massively pulls his weight anyway. He has a good job though and is not a trained doula so there's at least an argument for him keeping the show on the road career wise and me getting a bit of help. Will discuss with him what he would prefer. I'm learning more and realising he may need to step up in a big way from long before the twins arrive if I have any complications so we may be out of favours from his work place afterwards...

Re family and friends - they're all lovely and we do have help in a way from parents and siblings but we can't rely on it. Siblings all have their own young and large families and mostly pay for help with that. Parents are a good hour away and have their own lives, they'll watch baby for a bit but it's never going to be regular or to be honest particularly helpful help 😆 most of my friends are juggling young kids and careers or worse ivf and careers. I don't feel we could ask for much help from busy people with their own pressures. I also feel most potential helpers would be v put off by the prospect of twins, I know I would be!

We are considering getting a newly qualified nanny to live in which would mean them starting in September when twins are about 2 months. This is when the placements run from so if I waited until I went back to work we couldn't go that route. Apparently they like to get experience with newborns and with twins, and that is something I will have an abundant supply of!! Cost wise it will be much less than a live out nanny or a live in more experienced nanny and I'll be around for the first 3-4 months before returning to work so the inexperience won't be a problem. Even when I go back I'll work from home a lot. So perhaps that will be the answer but it will depend on finding the right person. If I take longer off we will rethink as won't want someone in the house for my maternity leave if it's for a long period.

@Randomdogbite great to hear you were fine in your twin pregnancy! I need to look into belts.

@cravingmilkshake good to hear you had a smooth run of things too. Do you think you could have gone beyond 31 weeks or did you have to stop then? I don't get brilliant maternity package so last time pushed myself as far as I could to have longer paid afterwards but the considerations are different this time as it could be a matter of health or not if I don't rest enough. Congratulations on your still quite new towns!

I totally agree, I wouldn't be flying to the states at 18w, the risks just not worth it.

I had a super easy twin pregnancy apart from the worst heartburn up until 30 weeks, then had placental abruption with dt2. 8 weeks in nicu/scbu an hour away with two nursery aged kids was hard as hell. Both my older dds were prem so we knew we wouldn't get very far but that was a bit too early!

There's always a shit tom of negativity about having twins but I have to say I have found it truly easy, the pair of them were much easier than dd1 anyways!!

Best of luck.

@tiggerwhocamefortea aww I knew you'd had losses but didn't realise they were late or quite the extent. That sounds so sad. It's great that you're so grateful for what has come afterwards for you. Stay happy and enjoy it.

I'm in a male dominated industry too - finance, but my husband is the dominant earner. My salary def not irrelevant though. I always always thought I'd take the max maternity leave as I don't absolutely love what I do, but I have really landed on my feet with my current role and think I would be silly to throw that away for the sake of 6 more months, particularly as post covid I can work from home and see my babies a lot anyway. When I went back to work last time in lockdown we hired a nanny who has recently left us now, and I ended up seeing absolutely loads of my son and basically just missing out on his nappy changes! He was asleep half the time anyway in the room next to my study. I did start to get jealous though when they were having loads of fun at the petting zoo the next summer without me!

I also had an ectopic back in 2014 in a previous life - failed morning after pill, non serious boyfriend. I was living overseas in a moderately well developed country and was due to fly to a much less developed country the next week. I often count my lucky stars that I took a pregnancy test in response to my only quite mild pains (had no idea I was even pregnant as I'd had a light bleed and assumed pill had messed with my cycle) and therefore swiftly went to the gynae instead of merrily skipping off on that trip and suffering a ruptured ectopic where there would have been zero medical assistance! Although it was absolutely shit at the time not least as I had to pay privately to get it sorted out overseas and deal with it all alone as didn't fancy support from the non-boyfriend, it was also how I realised I had endometriosis, meant I had surgery for that to get rid of it before starting ttc a few years later and ultimately meant I started ivf much earlier and had success. I'll never forget the crusty old male gynae I saw telling me at age 31 that my biggest problem would be my age, it definitely made me march my husband down to the clinic v promptly when it didn't work straightaway 4 years later. The world works in mysterious ways. Like you I'm pretty amazed to even have a 3 kid dilemma in my life at all!

Enjoy those babies and their "mamas" it's just the best. My little one is at his grandparents this week so we can work up to Christmas and I miss that little squidge terribly.

@TheCanyon yay for another one finding twins easy!! And point noted on flying. Maybe I will sit out transatlantic. Would like to try and go on the European trip - it's literally been hyped for a year and a half! It looks v restful too, lovely accommodation with an indoor pool for me to wallow around in! Off I go to check my insurance!

I went to New York at 20 weeks so flying is doable. I have a few stretch marks at my hips and have a wrinkly tummy which despite my best efforts won’t shift. I worked until 36 weeks (and was admitted to hospital on day 1 of mat leave with pre-eclampsia). Twins born at 36+3.

Twins are such fun, you’re in for a treat :)