Looking after twins and older child

[Arpeggiator]

Hello other multiple parents!

I am just wondering of anyone any tips/experience for looking after baby twins and an older child at the same time?

My twins are about 4 months, and my DS is 3 and a ball of manic energy. I find it basically impossible to look after all three at the same time. The twins cry so much at the moment, are napping terribly (need to be held/rocked to sleep- will do gentle sleep training at 6 mos), and of course, need to feed every 2/3 hours. I also need to wash/sterilise bottles, do housework when I can, cook etc. DS is going through a very needy phase, wants to actively play with someone else, would watch TV for hours but I really don't want to stick him in front of the TV all day!! I'm feeling guilty enough as it is for ruining his life (dramatic much- but it feels that way!)- we used to have so much fun together.

I don't even take all three out together apart from nursery run (4 days a week), as he has been a bolter in the past and also, what if both babies need to be fed at once?

I had all these ideas about how the babies would happily sleep or sit in bouncers while we would play/do activities etc. Ha!

Hi, twin mum here too.

If you are sleep training in a couple of months, and how time consuming two newborns are, I'd be plonking him in front of the TV I'm afraid. It's not for the rest of his life. It's when you need too for the next couple of months.

If he's a bolter, then he needs tethering back pack with a strap etc. And if both twins need feeding at the same time, feed them? This must happen at home, why can't it happen when you're out?

4mths is a short lived but nuisance phase, where they don't have that tiny baby sleep all day thing anymore, but still so small that they can't really be doing anything if they're not asleep, and so moan more than usual.

You need to be less hard on yourself. While they're so small, the double nappies, baths, feeds etc seem to run continuously into each other. Don't feel DS guilt. It's not for long, he'll live. Then all three of them will be playing beautifully xx

I don't miss those days 😬.

My oldest just turned 4 when the twins were born. I found getting them involved to help calmed things down, even things you wouldn't usually need - collecting bottles, passing nappies, putting things in the bin etc.

Things definitely started improving around the 6 month mark but until then it was just surviving.

I got the guilt of ruining the oldests life too, it's so hard. My twins are nearly two now and they all adore each other.

Easier days are coming but for now just breathe and be proud you're getting through each day as it comes x

4-6 months was a really tough time.

I have 7.5mo twins and an almost 4 year old. I hated having them all at home together in the early days, as eldest would start crying for attention when the babies did. I roped in help from family to take the eldest out on those days. DH took some annual leave days and we had some family days out.

From about 6 months, my eldest got easier, the babies play with her more now they’re sitting up and I don’t mind having them all at home together as she entertains them and helps out. The babies are now big enough to go in the baby swings at the park, so I can take them all out. I think the secret to getting out and about is going out for short bursts of under 2 hours, then you don’t need to worry too much about feeding or changing in that time. Just take a bottle each with you.

Don’t feel guilty about a bit of screen time for your eldest- it’s not forever and these early days are just about survival.

Oh God, it's tough, isn't it!?!

My DTwins are now 14 months, and DD is 5. It's already 10 million times easier than it was at 4 months. Definitely don't worry about the screen time, it's a short-lived issue, and if it means they don't notice that you aren't paying them attention..... I think for me the big change was around 8 months, but it certainly got a fair bit better once they were sitting up. Honestly, just do what you need to to get to that part! Also, as much as you can, neglect housework and cooking. Once the twins are napping more reliably (around 6 months in my case, with another big improvement at 9 months) you can get on top of things then. It was pointed out to me that in 4 months time, the carpet will be no cleaner if you have vacuumed it 60 times, or just once 2 days before the end....

Thank you all so much for responding!!
It's good to know that 4-6 months is a bit shit all round, not just for me! I feel so reassured.

I know things in general will get better, but often I just can't see a way of getting through this period of time- it's so tough! Doesn't help that my husband is miserable at the moment, and that DS is going through a phase of telling me how he doesn't like me and wants daddy at all times.

@MollysDolly the thing about feeding them is that at home I can easily do both at the same time with bouncers or cushions, but out and about I can't! They will often want feeding at the same time and the crying if one has to wait is mega-stressful. I think this will be easier once they are sitting up in the buggy rather than in the basinettes.

I don't have twins but I have three kids and it all definitely changes from "how can I cope with this madness" to one day realising "oh today wasn't so crazy" to "I think I know what I'm doing".

You just need time.

Also I'm pretty anti screen time BUT sometimes you need it. Also if your eldest is going to nursery he's doing worthy and educational things everyday. You can put the tv on guilt free as hell be zonked out and exhausted. Also it's winter and i spring you'll all be out getting fresh air and being on top of more things.

Give yourself a few winters months off the guilt trip and do what makes life bearable.

I don't know how I managed the juggling act, I just did. Only tip is, make time for YOU.
When our twins were born our others were 2, 4 & 9, dh works away for days to months at a time and I have very little support from family. I think you need to be well organised. Now we have a 5mth old too, it feels like a breeze having her compared to when the twins were young (they turn 7 in March). In the 1st couple of years with the twins I was at the bottom of a very long list of priorities, I was struggling mentally as I had a lot of physical ailments after their pregnancy (they were 17lb combined so core, abs and back were in bits). I took up weightlifting, that became my me time and I became a much happier mum because of it (physically and mentally).
Nothing wrong with letting kids watch TV or play games on tablets, they do that at school ffs.