Treading water

[chocolatesweets]

I had to leave work nearly 4 years ago as we had twins.

I feel like I've been plunged into a separate world away from the luxury of choice to return to work my maternity friends enjoyed due to childcare costs and with the pandemic, it's been so difficult.

I know people have had it worse but I'm so tired.

When they turned 3, I got a job and have been working part time so they could get the 30 hours childcare offer.

It's been stressful as it's a short term contract (renewed at the last minute). If I lose my job, kids lose their nursery, all the friends they've made and it's been really good for their development.

Due to the above, I managed to apply and gain another job but it turned out to be not as expected at all. The work was emotionally taxing and I managed to return to my old job (who extended my contract luckily).

I feel like I'm constantly treading water.

I'm sad that you've had no replies. My position isn't quite the same (SAHM of twins aged 2.5 doing ad hoc freelance work around my 12 hours childcare a week) but I emphasise with the difficult choices that we mum's of twins have to make. The only words of consolation I can offer are - 1. It won't be forever. They'll be at school before they know it and you can start to rebuild something that works better for you. And you can start to dream, plan and work for that now. Try not to get too stuck in the daily grind. 2. If, worst case scenario, you lost the 30 free hours, would you possibly still be able to afford to send them even one day a week, temporarily? That would allow you the time and space to job hunt, if nothing else. Look at alternative settings - mine go to a preschool-style playgroup 3 mornings a week, rather than a private nursery - much cheaper and it's doing them the world of good.

Would you not still qualify for the 15 free hours if you didn’t work or lost your job? So the twins wouldn’t necessarily lose their places but you may have to do half instead of full days to make the finances work.

I do sympathise with the juggling involved with twins, although mine are only 6m.

Luckily, I got my job back so they are eligible for 2 full days at nursery.

It's just so difficult as I'm either working or with the kids and they are full on. There is no breathing space.