Pregnant with twins..

[Sophfr17]

Hello everyone,

I am new to "Multiple Births", but i have been a user of Mumsnet for a long time. First in the miscarriage section and then in the Infertility section.

Briefly, in the last two years, we lost our first baby at 14w to a termination (she was very sick). I miscarried 5 times after that. Then, i had two cycles of IVF, which ended up in 2 normal embryos. One was implanted 6 weeks ago. The first scan (last week) revealed that the embryo split into two, so we are having identical twins.

I don't know if it's because of all the extra progesterone i am taking, but i feel surprinsingly not very happy about having twins. And i feel an enormous guilt about that. This wasn't the plan, and we may have to review our entire future, like going back to France (we are French leaving in London).

I suppose I am looking for some reassuring words here; has any of you felt sad/overwhelmed/scared/unhappy when you discovered you were having more than 1 baby? And did your feelings changed at some point?

Thank you all, take care xx

S.

Hi S.

Im sorry for all your previous losses.

I fell pregnant after ivf with my DTs. I hated being pregnant, felt guilty that I’d got pregnant when so many don’t, it was awful. I was googling abortions at the same time as I was praying they’d stick and I’d not lose them - it was basically a head fuck time!

My feelings started to change slowly during my pregnancy, and I started to just detest being pregnant - reaching the legal limit for abortion helped. That, and the regular scans gave me something to look forward to as I was crossing off the weeks and reducing the chances of them needing scbu if they decided to come early, and I like to work out how much weight they’d gained between scans!

Finding out their sexes and naming them really helped too, as it made them real to me which I realise sounds a bit odd!

It’s ok to feel anything and everything you’re feeling. You are not a monster, nor a bad mum. If you continue to feel this way I would definitely speak to your MW or GP to seek additional MH support.

My DTs are 3 now, and whilst they’re full on and pretty crazy, they’re the most amazing human beings I’ve ever met, and they’re my everything. I wouldn’t be without them for anything now, but pregnancy and the one that followed as I didn’t receive MH support when I needed it really ruined it for me for the first few months or so.

Hi, I'm also fairy new to the multiple birth section after being a regular in the infertility section! We found out at our six week scan that both embryos that we transferred (3rd round of ivf) had implanted. Honestly at first it was terrifying, you spend the whole round of ivf being told the 'risks' of having multiples and its treated like a worst case scenario. I was panicking about all the extra things we'd have to buy and the logistics of having two babies and a farm to run! But reading these boards and seeing how others cope has really helped me get some perspective. I'm now terrified that we will only end up with one and can't picture not having two. Don't feel bad about not being excited. It's alot to take on but just give yourself time to get used to it. You mentioned your future, try just talking about it and making a plan, even if you know it might not happen that way, knowing that there are options and a best case scenario to work towards helps me if that makes sense?
Hope you feel better soon x

Finally getting pregnant after infertility and loss is a stressful and overwhelming enough time without then adding twins into the mix especially when you only put one back in (most of us who put 2 back in are at least some way prepared if both stick!).

All I will say is that whilst my twin pregnancy was physically hard towards the end they are 5 months now and I'm loving every moment and actually finding it much easier than when I just had my older DD (I don't know if it's because they are twins but they are a lot less clingy than my DD was - they are most happy with each other)

I have had to go back to work full time (as I'm the main earner by a looong way) and childcare costs are eye watering other than an extra cot here and a bigger pram there actually the financial cost has been minimal and at least you won't have to buy 2 sets of things as presumably they will either be two girls or two boys

I was an absolute ball of anxiety when I discovered I was expecting twins. I’d had a really hard time with my first and only just felt ready to contemplate having a second. Never planned a third.

I couldn’t see any upside to having two, all I could focus on was how tough/risky everything was. Looking back I think I had antenatal depression. Wasn’t helped by negative comments from other people.

My outlook completely changed when I had them. Multiple Pregnancy hormones have a lot to answer for! I absolutely adore them. They’re easier babies than my first and I’m almost enjoying the baby stage this time, although it’s still tiring and relentless.

I couldn’t imagine only having one of them now. They truly are a blessing. But twin pregnancy is hard, be kind to yourself.

I know it’s overwhelming. Twins are hard work BUT they are bloody awesome. Find a local twin club and meet some other parents of multiples. People will tell you you have double trouble etc but you also have ready made best friends, double the laughs (and the nappies, washing etc) and fun. My DTs are 14 months and I couldn’t imagine having a singleton. What are of London are you in? (I’m in London too)

Thank you all for your kind messages!!! I had read of lot of similar testimonies, but I had to ask myself :)
I started to feel a bit better mentally during the weekend, which was a small relief. I talk a lot about it with my partner, which is truly amazing and reassuring. I also see a psychologist.
Having suffered so many losses and undergone 2 ivf cycles in only two years was a lot, and there was never a moment for me to rest, grieve, think about the future. I am also very scared for myself, due to numerous medical issues. I guess that the growth abnormalities detected on our first girl could reappear at the three months scan, and I am also scared of that.
I think we have also decided to move back to France earlier than expected, which is not a bad thing (we live in Kentish Town). It may require lots of help from family and friend for organizing that but it should be fine.
Depression is really part of me, I suffered with depression and psychotic episode in the past, and the extra progesterone is am still injecting is not helping^^ hopefully my Dr will agree to reduce on Friday at my 9 weeks scan.
Thank you all, really, you have helped me a lot and I will try to find some twin groups I could reach!
Take care xx