Coping with twins

[HelpreNCY]

My twins are 4 months old. I was unwell after they were born so my parents have been helping out, for which I am very grateful but it has also been very difficult (differences of opinion re how to do things - for example, they don’t believe in responsive feeding).
I need to have some time and space as I feel like I’m not able to make decisions for my own babies and am constantly watched. The babies don’t feel like they are mine.
The problem is that I don’t know how to cope with them on my own - so many of our routines now are based around two pairs of hands.
Any tips/advice? I am at breaking point.

You can do this on your own, most definitely. Speak to your folks and tell them that you really appreciate the help they've given, and you now need to work towards coping on your own and would they help with that. Try and ease the babies into a routine where they feed and sleep at the same time as routines are your friend here.

Fellow twin mum here

Definitely get into a routine. I based mine on Gina Ford (with a massive pinch of salt). You can do this on your own but it's nice to know that help is there if you need it.

Bouncy chairs, car seats, jumperoos- all of these things help as you can put the kids down and strap them in- giving you time without holding a baby (and go into another room to cry). Don't be afraid to let them cry for a bit whilst you get yourself sorted or tend to the other baby. They will be ok.

This is the sweet time where you are just on milk feeds and the kids aren't mobile- take this time to take control of the situation. When they start eating solids you have a lot more to think about so it's good to already be established in a routine.

Do you have a local twins club so you can meet fellow mums? I found mine invaluable.

Good luck.

(My kids are 5 now. You can do this!)

Sorry to hear you had a difficult time post birth. It sounds like a lack of confidence with looking after them alone. Maybe try having them alone for a couple of hours, then half a day before you’re doing it all day?

As previous poster said, have places to pop them in safely when needed, like bouncy chairs or a feeding pillow. Sometimes both cry at once, and you can’t always see to them immediately, this happens. Think about what you can do the night before, like making yourself lunch etc to make things easier in the day. I do bathtime in the morning for my twins, one after the other (they’re only 8 weeks so just a quick dip ) and get all the clothes etc out ready. If you’re bottle feeding work out in advance when you need to wash & sterilise the bottles and boil the kettle etc so you’re always ahead.

I’m sure you will be fine- it’s just getting into your own routine.

Thanks all.
Definite lack of confidence, mainly because nobody around me seems to think that I can do it.
Starting with a half day and building up seems like a good plan.

Well done on surviving so far - you’re really through the worst of it! You can do this! Especially if they now beginning to sleep through the night. If they’re not, it won’t be too much longer! You’re their mum. You need everyone out of your headspace so that you can learn to believe in yourself!

Don't have twins but I also felt the same disconnect to my last baby because I had help taking care of the baby and busy-ed myself doing other things (cooking/cleaning/home schooling). When my mum left then I had the time to actually be with my baby, sing to her, talk to her. that's so important

I have 5 month old twins you can absolutely do this on your own - my DH works shifts/long hours and I went back to work earlier this month. It's all about routine - yes you'll feel like a machine/on autopilot but it's the only way - change, eat, sleep repeat and just keep going

I just wanted to pop back in and say that my twins will be 15 in August. DH and I have what we refer to as “Clingfilm Day”. We have an Old Soul DD who is almost exactly two years older, my (VERY opinionated and controlling) aunt was visiting, and she was undermining everything we had put in place re. feeding together, etc (advice from every other multiple mum we knew and all nurses, etc..) and making us feel like our older DD was depressed and neglected. (I think they were maybe six weeks old?… He was making his lunch - hence the clingfilm, and it just kept cobbling up every time he tried to rip it off the roll. He snapped at me and I assumed that he was about to walk out the door and never, ever return. We both ended up sobbing on the kitchen floor. The ultimate low point of our 20 year marriage. We’re going on a date tonight and I’m wondering what to wear. The girls are getting involved in makeup and fashion choices. It gets SOOOOOOO much more fun!

Agree with coffeeneeded - try and establish a routine and use bouncy chairs etc.
You sometimes have to allow one/or both to cry for a couple of mins whilst you sort one out or make feeds etc.

A twin feeding pillow is also a godsend. I would make up the bottles, put the cushion on the bed, pop the twins in and feed them sat in that. It did hurt my back a bit but worth it for feeding them at the same time. I would just take it in turns burping them although by 6 months this was less of an issue.
Normally they would fall asleep in the cushion after so I would lay back and watch something on TV/read.

You CAN do this. Some days are definitely easier than others but you just have to take small steps. Start with just doing a morning feed and getting all 3 of you ready.

My girls are now 16 months and run around everywhere so sometimes I just have to put books and toys in their cot with them for 5mins whilst I do something.

I just wanted to say thanks to all of you for your advice and encouragement - I’ve done a few days solo now and it has been totally fine!