When Twins Fight - a mummy's tale!

[TwoIfBySea]

On Friday I was in the kitchen preparing lunch when I heard the start of an argument between my 34 month old ds twins. Just as I got to the living room ds twin1 let fly with his plastic cup and crowned ds twin2 bang in the middle of his forehead.

He went really quiet, while I held a compress against his head. Ds twin1 threw it with such force it actually cut the skin (it was the bottom rim that caught him one) and I thought it better to get checked out so went to the local A&E (God but don't the receptionists make you feel guilty!) Lucky it was superficial, no permanent damage and ds twin2 is back to normal.

It is hard to know what to do in these cases. They hardly ever fight, usually just wrestle each other to the floor, I am trying to push the issue of sharing at the moment and it has been sort of successful. It just sounds so bad when I went to the hospital and it will go down on ds twin2's records that he was injured by his brother! I never had siblings, did I do the right thing?

I didn't punish ds twin1 as he got such a shock over what happened I am hoping he took note. What would everyone else have done? Taken him to the A&E (my doctors surgery is never interested so I didn't even bother going there)? Did I do right in having ds twin1's shock serve as his punishment rather than the naughty corner?

Hello TIBS. I'm sure you are right that the seriousness of going to hospital and your concern etc will have been enough to make a deep impression on dst1 and a punishment as well wasn't going to make much difference. I don't have twins but my 2 dss are quite close in age and I'm an only child as well so find the whole sibling thing a challenge! My dss fight a lot(they are older than yours though.) One technique I use which works ...sometimes... is to solve arguments by 'encouraging' the boys to sort it out between themselves e.g. they both want the blue football and fight over it. I remove the ball and say OK sort out with each other how to share it fairly and when you both agree I will give it back. They usually become amazingly nice to each other and immediately work out a turn taking deal knowing the ball goes if they don't. Unfortunately I've also got used to the occasional injuries they do to each other (and I bet casualty departments are used to it too - boys just do fight sometimes however peacefully you've brought them up!)

I have 21 month old twins and a 3 year old too - our lot wrestle and sometimes fight. Sometimes one or other of them ends up getting hurt (inevitably). The worst was when DS1 poured sand into DS2's mouth (apparently with his consent !) - DS2 ended up choking - realy scared me - and also scared DS1. So far no trips to casualty.

I guess in the early years you all have to learn what the limits are and hope no-one gets really hurt before you all figure out what they are !

Generally people say it is better to let them sort themselves out, with you stepping in to referee when things get out of hand. It is also supposed to be good to encourage them to discuss their problem and find a mutual solution, rather than hitting each other. Presumably it takes a while to to - but if it works it must be wonderful .

That is true Throckenholt, it is better to try and let them sort things out between them. How do you manage with three under 4? I have a hard enough time with just 2.

There has been a change in the dynamics between them since the incident. Ds twin2 seems to be getting the upper hand, or rather ds twin1 is allowing him to. Ds twin1 rarely gets angry with his brother but now he has and seen the consequence...

no idea how we cope with 3 under 4 - we just do because we have to I guess. Actually so far our 3 seem to get on really well and are starting to play together much more. We do have to step in and separate them when things get a bit rough - but that seems to be happening a bit less often now.

TIBS - my DS1 shut the doors on DS2's fingers recently and I had the trip to A&E etc. DS1 (33m) didn't seem to realise the severity of the injury (he does injure DS2 quite a lot ) I think this is just part and parcel of being a Mummy to boys. I made jokes about it when I went to A&E and I didn't feel I was being made to feel guilty. It wasn't your fault - these things happen! (Just keep an eye on them when you give them bricks to play with )