Surviving the early days

[crazychemist]

Help!

I had my twins 3 weeks ago at 35 weeks (so now either 3 weeks or 38 depending on how you look at it). I also have a 4yo DD. The last few nights have been insanely hard. My Dd was a Velcro baby but I didn’t mind - she was the only one so I was perfectly content to hold her for naps in the early days and I loved cosleeping with her. When she clustered in the evenings we just snuggled up on the sofa with a dvd.

But HOW do I manage with twins??? They also don’t want to be put down, especially in the evenings (the SCBU nurses said they were unusually difficult and wanted to have me there as many nights as possible as they were disturbing the other babies). If I put them down, they are up against screaming 5 minutes later. I know this isn’t all that unusual in the 4th trimester but I just don’t have enough hands to give them the attention they want!

My DMum has been coming every day (we formed a childcare bubble - I can’t drive my DD to preschool because of c section). I cope when she is here, but I still get no rest. The nights are absolutely awful. Neither baby will stay asleep unless cuddled, and I can’t manage both at once unless I’m in a position that definitely wouldn’t be safe for cosleeping.

Basically, can you walk me through how you survived?

During the day, I can get one or the other in a sling and they sleep fairly well for a decent chunk (unless it’s the evening, when nothing seems to work) but I haven’t managed to get both in at the same time. Have watched videos on YouTube for how to do it, but when I put them in they look all wonky and unsupported and they get upset more or less straight away.

Hey OP!

Bless you, 3 weeks in is so so early, it’s all about survival at this stage. You can’t have been out of hospital long can you?

My twins are 19 months old now and honestly I barely remember that stage, I think I blocked it from my mind 🙈

I had a routine which I tried to stick to as much as possible in order to keep me sane, that was feeding every 3 hours. I understand the merits of demand feeding but for me that just wasn’t going to work. I was formula feeding due to the girls having the premature baby milk for extra calories.

Do you have anyone to help you with feeding?

Are you still under the care of a paediatrician? If so I’d speak to them about ruling out reflux. It’s very common for baby’s who are a little early to suffer with it, and it’s even worse when you lay them down. Both of my girls were on omeprazole for reflux, it was just awful. If it is reflux and it is treated correctly there will be a massive difference.

If you do want to use a sling then a lot of sling libraries are doing online sessions and I’d also try and find your local Facebook twins group. We have a group in Sheffield which is just brilliant.

Also please please get in touch with your health visitor, who will hopefully be able to offer you some advice.

Most of all please don’t put any pressure on yourself, your routine will come in time. But please contact your health visitor & explore the reflux.

Having twins is fabulous but the first 6 months is just a battle that you have to get through as well as you possibly can.

It's really hard isn't it. We spent the first 3 weeks downstairs as being in bed was like torture as we barely slept. We each had a designated baby and that was who we fed and settled. They coped better in sleepyheads with lots of white noise. We still use white noise!!!Sometimes we took shifts and kept watch then swapped. Initially they were unsettled all night until around 6 when it was getting time to get my eldest up and ready for school. It was so tough, but it passed.

If anyone visited we went to bed, which is difficult now with COVID. I have never known exhaustion like it, I even fell asleep whilst talking to people. BUT it does pass!!! They get bigger and stronger and life gets easier. The first year was the hardest for us. I relied on the pram or car sometimes to get them to settle. It was also a big step when they could lie in a bouncy chair and I could rock them to sleep. Mine are almost 4 and it's been a very difficult time but we're incredibly lucky. You'll get there slowly.

Some excellent advice on here- definitely the reflux thing- we got diagnosed late but once started it was v helpful, same medication as BridgetJones1, omeprazole. My sis in law just started this too for her baby and it’s being v helpful. Ours actually had silent reflux but it kept them awake so much. Bouncy chairs are great as helps them be in a semi upright position as ideally after feeds they shouldn’t lie straight back down again (for the reflux). I used a bouncy chair a lot (had one for each of them) and you can jiggle with your feet, or I was breast feeding so fed tandem but whilst manouevuring them into position (esp night feeds on own) I would put one in bouncy seat next to me whilst getting one in position and then lift up the other one. Or if you are doing bottle feeding you can get them both in their chairs and feed them that way. 100% the first 3 months are the hardest and you are trying to work your sh*t out! At least you have experience from your older daughter! We did sleep training at 6 months but know you can start earlier if you feel the need. Reflux was a big issue for us but once sorted the sleep training was def helpful. They now self settle really well and go to sleep independently (2.5 years old now- lovely age!). As many parents of twins will say it does get better! I remember hating when people say it doesn’t get easier just different challenges- the first three months are SO HARD with twins!!! And it definitely does get easier. Wishing you best of luck and try to enjoy those mini baby moments the best you can. Also second that routines worked well for us - the baby whisperer was a good resource but plenty of baby guides out there. In the beginning they are so - food/nap/food/nap it’s easier to try to get them on same routine as much as possible, and work up a quick/ good bedtime routine- we sang a lullaby and dimmed lights etc and also used to use white noise - now they sing along to the lullaby and since they were around 10 months we added in reading a story together before bed as really keen for them to be into books. Currently two books and then lullaby/ lights out (no white noise anymore).

Hey - I have 18 month old identical twin girls. I understand exactly what you are going through right now, the beginning was hell for us. The girls screamed all night and nothing would settle them, we used to fall asleep sitting upright with them on our chests as nothing seemed to work. However they were eventually diagnosed with CMPA and they both suffered terribly with reflux. It really was survival mode for us and all I can say is IT DOES GET EASIER. I promise you will get through this but in the meantime get as much help as you can. Our girls starting sleeping through the night (12 hours) from 4 months and they are still in a perfect routine now. Make sure you keep them on the same schedule, if you feed one baby then wake the other one up and feed at the same time other wise you won’t get any rest. Stay strong xxx

My top tips were feeding on a schedule every four hours which is what they came home from the nicu on. Feeding together/ changing together/ and putting down for naps together so I wasn't constantly repeating things.
Using dummies, being organised, getting them in the pram and out for walk. Swaddling really worked for me as well as white noise.
We didn't have much help around and also had a two year old when I had my twins so I really had to dig deep to get through it. I found that it really only worked when myself and my husband worked as a team.
Good luck

@crazychemist how are you doing? I hope yours have started sleeping better, we separated ours in the end, one baby each! Which helped us through and they are doing well now at night. Mine were born on the 4th of November so ours must be really similar ages, though my girls were born a little later in gestation then yours at 37 weeks.

I too have a toddler who is three in march and an older daughter who is nearly 11 so I know how it is wrangling extra children on top of the twin life. I feel like the last three months have been the hardest of my life, I would never want to repeat the newborn phase again but I can finally enjoy them now we are getting sleep and they are in more of a day routine. Looking ahead to weaning now, that will come around fast !

Hi OP

I must admit I haven't read everything BUT I had a 2 year old son and it gets easier. Honestly all this becomes a distant memory soon.

Your so lucky to have your mum, she sounds amazing, mine didn't give a shit!

You've got this, keep up the good work 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

Sorry I had twins and a 2 year old I meant!