2 year old aggression after twins arrive

[Twinsand1toddler]

I had twins 4 months ago, so appreciate there's been alot of change for my 2 year old. Suppose lockdown pretwins hasn't helped as she hasn't seen anyone for 3 months before they came. I've tried to do regular play dates last few months, going to soft plays to get her used to being around other toddlers. Getting out with the twins has been challenging enough in the first place, but she's been pulling kids hair and scratching faces without warning for no reason. Finding it really hard to deal with, I remove her tell her it's wrong to hurt people and make her apologise but then she does it again. After a second time we've taken her home but it's getting ridiculous being places 5 minutes before going home. Especially if your paying to go in places, and loading twins in the car and trying to time it all around feeds. At my wits end with it all, i feel anxious everytime we go somewhere with other kids and I'm finding it impossible to feed twins when having to go and stop her from hitting and hair pulling when out, or having to leave immediately. Has anyone had anything similar when new siblings arrive? Is it normal? Does it pass? How do you deal with it?

Dd1 really was disinterested in her twin sisters until they could play. I guess I found them overwhelming so dd1 always had to wait as their needs were greater. She did get over the hatred but I mostly used CBeebies (she’s now 13 and in top sets at school so didn’t do too much harm). Early days is about surviving. I also put dd into nursery 2 mornings a week so she could have a break from the babies.

I hear of people with dc who love helping and playing mummy but dd was not interested at all. Even now she’s not at all maternal (obviously that may change but she was never one for dolls and prams whereas twins at 9 still play with them).

This probably isn’t very helpful but dd1 did slap dd2 across her face in the car once when she was 3 and dtd was 1. I took her hand and slapped the back of it. It’s the only time I’ve ever done it and not proud but I didn’t do it hard enough to leave a mark and the shock did make it the last time it happened. We did the naughty step and one time I said, if you kick your sister I’ll put you on the step. Dd clearly considered this and decided it was worth it as she kicked her sister and walked straight to the step!

Thanks @m0therofdragons glad to know I'm not alone with it. Hoping it's just normal terrible 2s and it's something she'll grow out of 🤞

Being at school really helped as it gave her a break! She really loves them now and discovered she hated it when they were in school and she was working from home as we’re key workers. After a week we pulled them out of school and they all chose to work in one time together despite having options.

I would give up on soft play etc . She’s clearly struggling and she has discovered that this behaviour means that you immediately give her attention. At this age it doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad attention it’s still attention.

I would try to make time for her at home , I know that sounds easier than it is. One to one attention from you while the twins are napping ( may not be possible I realise) will be a lot less stressful than trying to get out .