Twins age 9 - starting to get own friends.

[frogswimming]

I have twin boys age 9. They have always had the same friends till now and still do mostly. One has been invited on a play date on his own. The other one does not seem to want to go but says the games they will be playing sound lame.

How have parents with older twins handled them developing their own friendships? Did they stay best friends themselves? Did one feel left out?

Sorry not a mum of multiples but mum of a friend of some.
My son now 19 had friends who were triplets 2 boys one girls. He is friends with both boys but better friends with one of them and they socialise separately.

Their mum has always encouraged their independence and individuality.

I think it is healthy to encourage them to develop their own friends and interests and hobbies as they are individuals.

Bump?

I have 9 yo twin dds plus a 12yo dd. The difference for me is I encouraged this from the start. Dtds are different personalities - dtd1 likes to play with one other and doesn’t enjoy big groups as much whereas dtd2 loves a crowd/gang of friends. When one has a party or play date I tend to either organise a play date for the other or say that the one not on the play date with her special mum/dd time or dd/dsis time. I think it’s really important to encourage individuality but if not be happy at one saying the other’s games are lame. We are kind to each other (is what I tell them!). Watching strictly come dancing helped a conversation surprisingly - seeing motsi so proud and happy for her sister oti was what I want for my girls. Not jealousy but to be each other’s cheerleaders. (I need to add, this bit is a work in progress.)

Dc3 is very good friends with a twin. The twin's twin is also a friend, but not as close. Usually just one comes to play, but sometimes both do. The mum has always encouraged the twins to have separate friends and to go on separate playdates. The twins get on very well with each other.

Yes I remember thinking that about Motsi motherofdragons. She looked positively maternal about Oti. Lovely to see.

Saying the games are lame frogswimming sounds a bit of a defence mechanism. Best thing to do is keep the twin not invited busy in a positive way, doing something he really likes to do.

Logistically it’s a bit of a nightmare - it would be so much easier if they continued to do the same things at the same time but as your finding it probably won’t pan out that way. Best to follow their lead and distract. It’s so hard when one outshines the other in any area.

you’re

Twin here and also mum of twins. Entirely natural that twins start to develop different friendships and get invited to separate play dates etc. We did / my twins have grown apart slightly as a result but enjoy their time together and have that "bond" still.

Hi @frogswimming,
I have 11 year old boy girl twins who have mainly had the same friends, but we have encouraged them to get used to being separated. The birthday party thing is always tricky. I have occasionally asked if the other could come too, if someone drops out and numbers permit. Otherwise, you just have to be honest with them that it's something to get used to, and try to find an alternate activity (or play date) to do at the same time.