New babies

[Twinmumtobe1]

Hi,

So where to start

I had my twins 7 days ago and I’m aware of ‘baby blues’ but iv got a feeling this is something more than that

I have gone from just having my 3 year old to then having 3 children. My head is all over the place

I feel like my life is now over - I won’t have any free time or be able to do things easily. I miss it just being me and my daughter - we have the greatest bond and I’m missing our routine already

I feel like I am not ready to go through raising babies again because I feel like iv got past it all with my daughter and can start enjoying things easily now it’s been taken away from me and I’m not coping at all.

I am just constantly crying and breaking down and just don’t want to do it

Any advice or words to help would be greatly appreciated😞

Firstly, congratulations on your twins.

Sounds as though you have the baby blues - let your HV or GP know how you are feeling. I was not diagnosed with PND until my twins were 18 months old.

My twins are 10 now but I spent most of the first year in a total blur just getting through the days and crying and feeling like I had made a big mistake.

Try to get some support, go easy on yourself, this will pass.

Like @GalOopNorth, I have twins too- now age 9 and when they came along I had a 4 year old and a 6 year old (all boys).

It was overwhelming @Twinmumtobe1- I completely empathise and will never forget the intensity of it all. Best to talk to your HV or GP ASAP and then just take one day at a time (I still do, out of habit). In fact I broke my day down into 2hour slots and didn’t think further than that really. It will get better and you will feel differently, but be kind to yourself and please accept any and all offers of help. I avoided the people I called “tourists”- may not be relevant in this Covid era -but essentially people who just wanted to gush over the babies/drink tea etc without offering to bring something for the family to eat or help out in the house.

Congratulations btw.

It sounds tough OP. There's only 18 months between my two children (not through planning) and I had very similar feelings when my second child was a newborn. I very much missed being able to give DC1 my undivided attention and also missed the little routines and activities we'd developed between us.

It's a huge period of adjustment and I can only imagine the magnitude of change when you have twins! Be kind to yourself. It's early days for everyone to be adjusting to your new situation. It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed and miss your "old" life. You'll also be tired and worn down from the pregnancy and birth and that plays a huge part in how you'll be feeling too.

Someone gave me advice in the early days with DC2 just to write off everything non-essential for the first 6 months. Don't put any extra pressure on yourself to achieve more than the basics of getting everyone cleaned and fed. I found it helpful to realise that other people were also surviving on minimum standards and to say no to anything that was going to cause additional stress for me.

Definitely talk to your HV and tell her how you're feeling and also use family and friends for help where you can. More than likely you'll feel better over time but there is help out there if that doesn't turn out to be the case.

Completely can relate to your post @Twinmumtobe1 I have a just turned 2 year old and 10 week old twins. I absolutely agree with all the posts here like the phrase avoid tourists 🤣 @Paris14eme think this covid situation is a good excuse for limiting visits so that's helped me and people who do visit I plan to come at a feed time to feed one. I definitely break my day into 2 halves atm to not get overwhelmed pre and post toddler nap.

Get where your coming from with the missing 1 to 1 with toddler time I've had the same feelings and found that most upsetting out of it all. Yesterday they were all playing with my toddlers kitchen and seeing her interact with her brothers and enjoy pretending to feed them was lovely to watch. Well she was pretending to give food and they sat in bouncers 🤣 so not fully participating lol, but I'm hoping toddlers play will help entertain boys now they're waking more in the day. Nice to start to have some glimpses of her enjoying having her brothers and I'm sure as they get older they'll play together more and the small age gap will benefit 🤞. Hang in there it's really tough but sounds like your doing a great job. I'm definitely only doing the minimum lots of oven food and minimum cleaning and I'm trying to just think as long as kids are safe and fed it's a big achievement, definitely will be surviving the first year more than anything also so your not alone @Twinmumtobe1 x