I thought it was supposed to get easier?!

[PowerslidePanda]

Everyone keeps telling me that baby twins "get easier", but we've just reached 4 months and it's gone the other way! We'd got to the point that we were feeding every 3 hours, able to put them down awake and settle them with a dummy and they'd sleep through now and again. Now the 4 month sleep regression and teething have both hit, and they're cluster feeding, waking multiple times a night, disturbing each other and will only settle with a cuddle and milk - even if they're not actually hungry (which is a pain because we're bottle feeding - I can't just stick them on the breast for a couple of minutes).

Any advice on overcoming this stuff to get back to where we were? Or at least, assurance that things will improve soon?!

It’s bloody hard work, but mine started doing 6-6 from 5 months with a dream feed at 10 in the early days. They are 9 now and still nearly get 11 hours sleep. They were in nicu a while and were very used to self settling by the time they came home they were in a routine and I could feed and plonk them back and they would just sleep. It will get easier for you

Hi op. I will be totally honest with you.

The first 2 years of my life with my dtwins was more exhausting than I could have ever imagined. It was relentless, constant demands. I don't know how I survived it.

I had about 3 hours broken sleep a night as they just would not stay in their cots. I would settle one, lay him down. If I was lucky settle twin 2, lay him down. Then instantly twin 1 would wake up and I would have to repeat night after night. In the end they co slept with me from about 6 months old but even then I couldn't sleep.

Anyway the good part is after they learnt to walk ( around 18months) they would tire themselves out a bit running round with each other and would then sleep from about 7:30 till 3, then wake up for some milk then back to sleep till 7ish. All in their own cots.

Now they are 4 and will be starting school in September. They sleep from 7:30 till 7:30 most nights in their own beds.

Hopefully your dtwins will settle sooner than mine did. It is so tough but there will come a time when you will sleep

I always say it doesn't get easier it just gets different. I stopped listening to everyone telling me it was going to get better and started celebrating tiny victories like one less outfit change in a day, or knocking one minute off my prep time to leave the house.
My twins are 2 and a half now and the battles are just different ones. Yes they can feed themselves and walk and them playing together is the cutest thing but they also do not stop talking, no longer nap, and more often than not one walks in one direction while the other one stops to pick up a stone or smell a twig!

When we were pregnant we were told to always remember "this too must pass" and that meant the good stuff as much as the bad. We take lots of pictures and on bad days we go through them talking about the times that were better and the times that were worse, it helps us keep perspective.

As for the feeding thing (and I am preparing for the hate that is going to come from this admission!) we used to prop the bottles in their mouths on blankets/pillows etc and dream feed them like that two. It meant we either could sleep or had a few precious minutes with hands free to have a cup of tea. You do what you have to do to survive. Some people co-sleep and there are strong opinions about that also. Another thing we hold dear was someone saying to us, if you had triplets you would have to put one down, don't think because you have 2 hands you have to always deal with the twins at the same time.

My mantra at the end of the day was "they are still breathing...I have achieved" and that is absolutely the truth. For everyday you get to the end of, no matter what state you or they are in, you have achieved!

I really hope you start to feel better.

@ Anniemousely I bottle propped as well. I have had to bring my twins up alone so done it all myself since day one.

@bogoffrain
Wow! You are an actual superhero. I moan about my husband but I have no idea how I would cope without him!
And this is what I mean about perspective. I swear every time I am having a hard luck day I walk into a family with triplets.

Unfortunately I found it didn't get easier it was got different. My twins are 8 this year year and there are a lot of challenges, while they sleep and sleep well we struggle with other aspects of parenting two same aged children.

I kept waiting for my twins to get easier and honestly I didn’t find them easier til they were 3. Once they start moving it’s really hard to take them out by yourself. But hopefully at least one of them will start sleeping better soon.
They are nearly 3.5 now and definitely easier than they have ever been.

@PowerslidePanda I think @Anniemousely has it - it gets different rather than easier! My DTs are 4 now and going through a particularly horrid phase, unfortunately. So they are better in terms of sleep but worse in terms of behaviour... in some ways they were easier when under 6mo and couldn't talk/ move much!

Have you contacted Twins Trust for advice? They often run sleep webinars which might help. Or you can just call the advice line for a general chat/ moan/ shoulder to cry on, the people there are all parents of multiples and have been there!!

Also if you have Home Start or a local childcare college in your area, it's worth contacting them to see if anyone could spend an hour or two a week with you; just an extra pair of hands can make it much easier for you to get things done.

@Bogoffrain you are amazing!! As unhelpful as my DP often is, I can occasionally leave the DTs with him for an hour or so. You have my complete admiration for doing it all on your own!

Thanks all for the replies - my wishful thinking was hoping everyone would say, "Oh yeah - 4 months is tough, but 5 months onwards is a breeze" But good to be prepared for "it doesn't get easier, it just gets different". Some great tips too, thank you - definitely taking away the celebrating of little victories and keeping in mind that the good things will pass just as quickly as the bad, in particular. We do have a Home Start volunteer (although the arrangement is suspended at the moment while we self-isolate) but I'd forgotten about the Twins Trust line - thank you.

Things have improved a bit since my original post - still cluster feeding, but sleeping and settling a little better. An additional challenge is that they're no longer content to just sit/lie somewhere and watch the world, they want more active stimulation (which wouild be less of a challenge if I wasn't also juggling a demanding toddler!)

And finally - as per PP, massive respect to you @Bogoffrain! I can only imagine how much tougher it would be doing it all aalone!